The Sisterhood kicks ass!

By bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Date: Sun, 05 May 1996 14:56:13 GMT

Newsgroups: alt.slack,rec.crafts.brewing

Oh my friends and fellow Ministers in the sweet sensitive church of
the SubGenius, I have returned from the battlefield bathed in beer and
VICTORY!

Sister Jezebel the Unclean, the Bearded Budha, and I came in first in
the three-person relay chug! It was an awesome spectacle. I was the
only member of the team who was able to remain upright after the
initial "three times around in a circle with your forehead on this
stick." The Budha spun like a top, but almost headed off in the wrong
direction when he came out of the last spin. I grabbed him, shoved the
full pint into his paw and pushed him into the right direction. Sister
Jez came out of the last spin and landed straight on her face. But
being the trouper that she is (not to mention a highly trained ninja
nun) she sprang to her feet, grabbed the waiting beer and finished the
course in record time! I made it out of the spins without falling
down, but let's face it, after three hours of drinking some very
serious homebrewed beers and meads (watch out for the mead!) NONE of
us who had actually been enjoying this party was in much shape for an
obstacle course. That's what made it such fun. The relay was comprised
of three parts.

First you put your head onto a three foot tall stick and spin in place
around the stick three times. Sound easy? try it. You'll feel just
like you did when you were a little kid and you ran around in circles
until you got so dizzy that you fell down. It's not a bad feeling but
it isn't conducive to speed racing over an obstacle course either. Now
add beer....lots of beer. Welcome to my world.

Part two was really easy, it was the obstacle course. For this all we
had to do was run around a keg, then serpentine back and forth between
some other kegs, leap over a cooler and run back to the start without
losing any beer in the full pint glass you're carrying. Points were
deducted for spillage.

Part three: drink the pint. Yes, you return to the start, where your
teammate waits with her head on the stick for you to drain that pint
into your waiting gorge. Having been trained by my first year of
college boondockers, I COULD have drained a half-gallon of Boone's
Farm Strawberry Hill, so a pint of really good weisbeer was a snap.
Besides, by this point, I was actually thirsty. Sister Jezebel, being
a well-trained Juicy Sister, opened her gullet and poured straight
into her quivvering liver. It was a beautiful thing to watch as is
evidenced by commentary I overheard whilst draining.

There was a three woman team who went a bit before us. One of the
women just could not swallow. It was sort of sad to see her taking
mouthfuls of this great beer and choking on it, spewing it out and
trying again. Behind me, I heard one of the guys say, "That's not the
kind of girl you want to marry...you know, the ones that can't
swallow?" As I was tipping my glass back over my open throat, I heard
the same wag remark, "THAT'S the kind of girl you want to marry."

Other than knocking over the first keg (which I kept upright with one
hand while holding the full beer in the other and STILL going around
the damned thing), I had no difficulty with the course. Sr. Jez and I
figured we had the waitress advantage and we were correct. We hauled
in much brewing loot for our efforts. The Budha beamed.

It was a great party. The High Plains Draughters are nothing if not
good cooks, and seriously good brewers. Joe made a mesquite smoked
porter that was like drinking cold smoke. It was VERY tasty. The
Bearded Guy brought a keg of India Pale Ale and several bottles of his
competition Bock and (my favorite so far) his stellar Cherry
Wheatbeer. Stan made this Blackberry Mead which was kickass, and there
was another traditional mead that was also outstanding. The band
sucked SO badly that it was amusing. We got the oldest child quite
tipsy on blackberry mead. Sr. Jez got hit on by at least three
different beer geeks, and I ended up driving home.

This was our first attendance at National Home Brew Day. Next year we
expect to sweep all categories (as the Bearded Guy says, "You are the
most competitive person I've ever met.") and take home all the loot.
Next year, we're taking "Bob." If that doesn't work, we're taking
Uzis.
****
Dammit Jeb, I'm as Amish as the next guy, but if we don't take
out that sub, there won't be a Pennsylvania to go home TO!
***
Rev. Mutha Tarla Star ://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html

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From: cuthulu@rlabs.com (cuthulu)
Subject: Re: The Sisterhood kicks ass!

>Oh my friends and fellow Ministers in the sweet sensitive church of
>the SubGenius, I have returned from the battlefield bathed in beer and
>VICTORY!

>From Body Building Champ to Beer Fest Queen! What a WOMAN! Careful,
sister, or WOTAN may decide to keep you for himself, and I'd sure hate
to miss you on the saucers.

--------------------------------
"Quarks, Kooks, Heretics,
Lunatics, Defilers of God,
Set off in leaky vessels
Towards holes in the horizon"
philip glass, the voyage
visit http://www.rlabs.com
--------------------------------

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From: SeaRobin@Wilmington.net (SeaRobin)
Subject: Re: The Sisterhood kicks ass!

>>Oh my friends and fellow Ministers in the sweet sensitive church of
>>the SubGenius, I have returned from the battlefield bathed in beer and
>>VICTORY!

>From Body Building Champ to Beer Fest Queen! What a WOMAN! Careful,
>sister, or WOTAN may decide to keep you for himself, and I'd sure hate
>to miss you on the saucers.

Well I'll have all my slack taken by a pink con dupe. Imagine,
Subgenii in the brewing newsgroups......I should have figured.

Glad you see ya'll here.

Sea
a.k.a.
Pope Righteous 0
First Subgenius Church of the Divine Recliner

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