I was just about to have sex with a teenage Asian Siamese twin when I was suddenly blinded by a bright white light which slowly faded into blacklight with a funky strobe effect. I put my pants back on and stood up, then I heard soft music. At first it seemed to be the theme to Shaft, then Bonanza, and as it grew louder It mutated into the opening guitar riff to Purple Haze. I knew something strange was happening, and it felt, as if it were more then a just a dream, it seemed REAL. Then a fog rolled in, but it had a sickly sweet smell to it that added to my excitement and confusion. And then out of this thick fog He appeared...JR "Bob" Dobbs himself. He was wearing a shiny white suit, which paled in comparison to his blinding white teeth. I realized that the fog was emanating from his pipe, and that in fact I was no long in a room with my twin sex-dream, but was standing on a cloud that was created by the steady stream of an odd color smoke rolling out of Bob's pipe.!
He stepped forward and placed his hand, gripping my shoulder tightly. He held his other hand up to my face, in it was a small white ball. "You see this", He said "this is the answer, this is the most important thing in the entire universe, for this holds all the answers to life's mysteries." He grabbed my hand and placed the object into it. I Looked at the object and discovered it was a golf ball. "A golf ball? A golf ball!" I was perplexed and felt cheated. "Don't be upset boy, give me $25 dollars and I'll explain" So I did, and he continued, "What is it that you want to know, what is the biggest question on your mind?" Without hesitation I said " What is the purpose to life?" His grin widened and threatened to swallow his face, he said nothing and pointed to the ball in my hand. I examined it closely, it was white, had dimples, and I believe said Titelist in red with a black JR."Bob" Dobbs signature underneath. I didn't get it! I turned it around and around, I searched my mind for "His" meaning but couldn't find any, when suddenly the ball cracked, and without thinking I tore away the white shell to revealed a strange brown mass of a paper like substance. I had to look deeper! So I tore it away, to uncover a bizarre black tar layer, then another paper layer, I was getting close! I could feel the truth pulsating in my hands. I tore away the paper and there it was. I held in my hand, roughly a third of the size of the original ball, what appeared at first to be a tight mass of rubber bands. I looked closer and found a free end and began to unravel, I then discovered it was really only one tremendously long rubber band that was wrapped around a center object, and I knew that when I got to the center, I would reveal the TRUTH the ultimate answer, the meaning to life and all of existence! I could then tell the world, so that everyone would come to a common understanding, and peace and love would unite the planet and eventually the entire universe. This knowledge would usher in a new evolution in human thought and understanding. I unraveled and unraveled and unraveled growing ever closer to the ANSWER! Rubber flew as my hands raced to get to the center...that a rubber band this long could exist in such a small space was astonishing in itself, but I had no time to ponder that as the ball in my hand grew smaller and large pile of rubber band on the floor grew larger. Any moment now! Sweat beaded, then trickled down my face, my hands trembled with excitement, my heart beat rapid with the anticipation of the ensuing moment of glory!
And the it happened, I came to the end of the rubber band and discovered.... nothing. There was absolutely nothing in the middle of the ball. The rubber band was wrapped upon itself and in the middle, zilch, zero, nothing! Nothing I tell you! Absolutely nothing! I stood in pile of rubber band up to my knees. Looking up I began to ask "Bob" what the hell the meaning of all this was. And "Bob", my 25 bucks, and the naked teenage Asian Siamese twin were gone. And then I heard "His" voice, and although most of the dream is a hazy blur, I can clearly remember "His" words, and can still hear them echoing in my mind:
"Steve, Your mission is clear, your fate has been determined. Take what you've learned here and gather together "My" son Ivan Stang, A team of freaks, some musicians, "My" followers and preachers, and don't forget women and plenty of frop, and tour this great country spreading the word of "Bob", take slack to those who deserve it!"
I awoke in a clammy sweat, and in my hand was a golf ball, titelist special with the signature of JR. "Bob" Dobbs.
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Rev. Steve Bevilacqua, owner Flying Lemur Strange and Unusual Books. Specializing in Erotica! Occult! Drug Culture! Anti- Establishment! More! 13743 MAdison Ave. Cleveland OH. Way Cool Web Site http://www.apk.net/lemur
Original file name: Steve's Vision -- Bob Sighting
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