Pamphlet #1 - page 2
If you are what they call "different" --
If you think we're entering a new Dark Ages --
If you see the universe as one vast morbid sense of humor --
If you are looking for an inherently bogus religion that will condone superior degeneracy and tell you that you are "above" everyone else --
If you can help us with a donation --
could save your sanity!
"You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think."
FEELING LIKE THERE'S JUST NO SLACK?
You may have 'Snapped' already from the information disease! ("The sleep of reason begets monsters.")
The Church of the SubGenius recognizes the programming!
Look to the High Unpredictables of the Church of the SubGenius for pancultural deprogramming and resynchronization!
Perfect your subliminal vision -- edit your memory -- relive your reincarnality! SYNC UP!
This is the original Time Control program that has helped thousands to fear no longer the STARK FIST of REMOVAL.
Become PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE -- overnight!
Now you, too, can speak to benevolent aliens at the
Alter of X-ist Contact. Learn Frame Straightening,
Body Repair, Gripe Elaboration, FunKQu, Frenzy
Techniques, Excremeditation, the Essentials of Survival
and TIME CONTROL. Attettd End O' The World
Drills and Chance Labs. Learn to 'Tenlike. Evaluate the so-called "accidents" and "coincidences" in your timestream. Perform long, complicated rites of initiation and rituals of Communionication. Accullate yourself to the Church, where you will be isolated, given a new diet, a new set of habits, and an altered label and appearance. The new void in your bran-pan will be refilled with corrected info and subconsciously implanted ritual experiences. Follow your FOLLIES and
COMPULSIONS and become rich like us.
Explore the "Zen" of stupidity! Channel chronic procrastination into life-saving paranoia and precise anatityl MAKE WASTE!!
Find out who your Personal Saviors may be and who are the False Prophets in your life!
YES, YOU MAY BE THE SUBGENIUS, MASTER OF THE STOOGLEY ARTS! Perform the Salute!
The most 'NO WAY' new wage religion of them all!!
Brain-trust of our species!!