Pamphlet #1 - page 9
Yes! A sentimental fool who never grew up and who cries over lost ideals, a sinner and a goof-off, the SubGenius is fully capable of recieving authentic god-consciousness from soap operas and monster movies, junkyards and "dives," freakshows and back alleys which most normals have been programmed to consider 'dumb.' What They cannot know is that 'dumbness' - Cheepnis - vital and sincere ignorance - reveals far more about the Interestingly Violent and Taboo World Around Us than any overpriced geegaw that critics and Pink Boys have told us is "art" or "science." THE SUBGENIUS FARTS AT THOSE WHO WOULD TELL HIM WHAT HE SHOULD SPEND MONEY ON. A wino mumbling in his own vomitus is dribbling parables of as soaring a height of bulldada as the rich, creamy superstitions of a thousand popes and witch doctors.
Bulldada is accidental greatness, inadvertent Hilariation, but MOREALISM is the deliberate invocation of bulldada and is now heralded by the Church of the SubGenius. In his works of morealism the SubGenius strives for skim-proof shock value, overembellishment, bludgeon humor and morbid yuks. Thus, like his mentor "Bob," he is a great Wiseacre, an orthodox fundadamentalist and a Scatman. "FUCK THEM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE."


The SubGenius knows, bulldadaistically, that each human should do Jehovah's work exactly as He reveals it to them, and that He has wildly varying messages for different people in different situations. By the same token, it is madness to accept any one 'personal savior' - even Dobbs - as a permanent guide. The greatest of the inventions of the SubGenius is the SHORT DURATION PERSONAL SAVIOR, or "Shordurpersav." The True SubGenius accepts into his heart, as his own personal savior, anyone or anything with which he happens to be impressed at the moment. Shordurpersavs change from hour to hour, whim to whim. It could be the hero of a show you just saw, the author of a filthy book, a bottle of Thunderbird, a good pal, a car, a dog, a sex object, a friendly croaker who scripts for you. Not professional gurus you are locked into believing, but temporary ones according to the need of the "Now. " They change so fast that it never gets embarrassing, you aren't inclined to 'proselytize' them off on disinterested others who will later laugh at you; you know their effects will wear off in minutes (even though the very idea is unthinkable while under the Influence). One needs not mention them at all - a superb Tenet, since one is sometimes deeply ashamed of oneself for having a particularly unsavory Shordurpersav: some few can be Personal Saviors and False Prophets at the same time.
With this plethora of recombinant philosophies and Personal Saviors, the SubGenius is well-fueled, stoked to the fusion-point with spiritual fodder. Once he has "decided" whether to attack life through the REWARD SYSTEM ("Oh, Well'') or the EMERGENCY SYSTEM ("Oh Shit!"), he is primed up and ready to plunge, with or without the consent of Dobbs (who he will probably never meet) into the Slack-Search through the Short Wave Activities or Minor Fluctuations of the Stoogely Arts which make up the daily life of the Practicing (as opposed to Latent, Rogue, or Renegade) SubGenius.