$44.99 Salvation/Membership/ Ordainment

2-for-1 Special!

Earth's Ninth Universal
Holiday Gift Ordainment Special SALE


-- through Xistlessnessmess (Dec. 24 deadline)

TWO SubGenius Ordainment kits for only $44.99 (plus postage)! Save yourself and a loved one!

-- OR save a loved one plus a deceased ancestor!

-- OR save a beloved pet or potted plant AND a total stranger -- or a hated famous person at random!

-- OR just keep the kits yourself, thus DENYING salvation to TWO DESPISED ENEMIES!

Buy two, place one in a time capsule IN THE PAST.

It's entirely up to you!

(If one or both are meant to be gifts, you can tell us where to send what in the Customer Instructions section of the shopping cart! Or email stang@subgenius.com)

To take advantage of this insane $44.99 2-for-1 SubGenius Membership SLACK FRIDAY Special Sale, click The Sacred Button below:

Offer Ends Dec. 24, "2022"

LEASE YOUR SOUL to 'BOB" for SAFEKEEPING! - watch the "interest" GROW and GROW!

The SubGenius material has only recently been made public. This is YOUR chance to get in on the ground floor of a huge, lucrative cult -- NOW, while rates are still so very low. You will then be eligible for all the $$$, weird sex, and SHEER POWER OVER OTHERS that go with high-ranking membership in the Church. And yes, YOU CAN PERFORM LEGAL WEDDINGS!

Overcome shyness and guilt with this fantastic replacement for a huge penis or "perfect" breasts.  Read THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL and learn not only the Word of Dobbs but also ways to contact, buy from, and sell to the incredible (yet real!!) network of SubGenii and subsymps everywhere. Learn of local revivals, other secret societies, UNUSUAL PRODUCTS, Other Mutants. THIS IS NO FAKE. Puts you "in charge" of your life. You'll be READY the next time your face is on fire. Quick Condown Clampspiracy release. Easy on delicate tissues... no danger of runaway infection.

You get:

Pamphlets #1 & 2
Your Own Personal 8x11 suitable-for-framing DOBBSHEAD
Official Dobbshead/Church Logo Metal Pin
Dobbshead Sticker, Bumper Sticker

The SubGenius Pledge
The Divine Excuse (signed by "Bob"!)
Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY.  Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob")
Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers
TREE OF KNOWLEDGE poster by Mavrides & Stang
SALVATION OR DESTRUCTION poster by Hellswami Satellite Weavers

Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
Minister's Ordination papers and instructions.
The STARK FIST of Removal online / SCRUBGENIUS secret forum
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)

This is the only way to get on the Mailing List of the Chosen, pierce the shroud of secrecy insulating the cult, join the secret MEMBERS-ONLY online forum and obtain such privileges as befit membership in a secret society of this scope. And all of it, including the surgery, can be done BY MAIL. Everything is kept STRICTLYCONFIDENTIAL (unless you want your local Clench listed). And don't worry about the diseases
-- they're part of the satire, too!
If he hasn't seen your $44.99, you're still "Pink" to "Bob."

REGARDING GIFT ORDAINMENTS: Our payment page has an area where you can tell us to, for instance, send the package to someone else. The recipient fills out the necessary forms, so don't worry about your name being engraved on something meant for another person. Thanks and Praise "Bob."

$44.99 + postage

To take advantage of this insane $44.99 2-for-1 SubGenius Membership SLACK FRIDAY Special Sale, click The Sacred Button below:

Really want only ONE Membership package? The postage is much cheaper... Click the button below for the classic regular Single Ordainment Package:

(1 Membership Only)

View Your Shopping Cart Here:

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