SubGenius WhizzBangs

$12	Dobbshead Cloisonne Pin
	COLLECTOR'S ITEM, back in stock. This has been one of our most popular items. Tasteful, subtle 7/8" nickel-plated brass pin looks expensive as hell! Designed by Dr. Hal Robins. Just like the Masons have, only cooler. Let potential business/sex partners know which side you're on. This fancy 4 color enamel pin also doubles at a tie tack. Perfect for those important business meetings, golfing, short duration weddings, funerals, sacrifices, orgies or just watching TV. No SubGenius should be without one. $12.00

ONLY $149.95!!

MIRACLE DOBBSHEAD TOASTER!

What was our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ talking about? THIS! Yes, the sacred thrice-blessed SUBGENIUS TOASTER will convert any normal bread into a holy sacrament. Better than a host from the hand of a Pope! Harness the lightning to brand the face of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs into your breakfast. Best thing since sliced bread!

Be at One With Dobbs In Your Mouth! LOOK AT (AND EAT) THAT FACE!! Haven't you always wanted to use a knife to spread butter or jam on the face of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs? Go on... take a nibble of the Saint of Sales. Mmmmmm... Use it for Communion with the Holy Face. Get Head For Breakfast! He won't stop smiling as you chow down. That's how you "know."

Stab it - cut it - cover it up - gnaw on it - then make another. Never gets old.

Every flavor: ShorDurPerSavory and ShorDurPerSweet. Military grade, halal AND kosher toast is yours with a single flick of the wrist.

Eliminate your embarrassing non-toasted bread problem. You'll wonder how you got along without it. GET LAID or cry trying!

(SUBGENIUS BOYS -- DON'T STICK YOUR DICK(S) IN IT - stick THEIR dick in it, for a laugh!)

One lucky lottery winner took home ten thousand dollars. It wasn't you - THIS TIME. Odds are this toaster will change things for you one way or another. DON'T TEMPT FATE - TEMPT ETERNITY! Put some fucking bread in it and press the god damn button, you jackass!

Your parents would have loved you if you'd had this toaster, but it's not too late. Join the NFT craze with this NEW FUCKING TOASTER. At last you can justify your existence as "the one who bought this toaster." DON'T BE USELESS AND LIE TO YOURSELF ANY LONGER.

IT'S ELECTRIC!! Makes Toast Taste Better! Take it to the bathtub with you for that Last Breakfast. Causes Baldness IF YOU WANT IT! Made with quantums -- do your part for climate change with this toaster!

Limited edition! Includes authentic original shipping container and packing materials. Limit one per customer... if you're a punk. If you're COOL you'll buy them ALL.

The novelty toaster company that used to make and sell them folded, and (thanks to the great documentary film director Sandy Boone!) we ended up with their leftover Dobbs toasters. THESE THIRTY ARE THE VERY LAST AND ONLY ONES.

Doctor appointments for grandma or this toaster - IS IT EVEN A QUESTION?
Toast or Hitler ANSWER ME.

Works pretty good! Might last a little while.

"I'm about to loose my god-damn mind thinking about this toast. JOIN ME." -- Onan Canobite [Mar 9, 2023 at 5:58:03 PM]

THESE THIRTY ARE THE VERY LAST AND ONLY ONES. ONLY $149.95!!

*Foretold in the prophecy of the flying toaster screen saver, if you're old.

**Small, medium and large are all the same price. No extra fee for change of size.
Comes with its own heating elements!

$4.00	I'M MAD TOO Bumper Sticker
	BIG 12 inch by 3 inch white vinyl bumper sticker with image of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs on left and, on right, the phrase: You can JUST MAIL US $4.00 PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118

$3.75	Dobbshead BEWARE Bumper Sticker
	8.5 inch by 3 inch white vinyl bumper sticker with image of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs on left and, on right, the phrase: You can JUST MAIL US $3.75 PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118

NOTE: There are over 23 more bumper stickers at THE SUBGENIUS STORE.

$3.50	Dobbshead Sticker
	4.25 x 5.5 inch white vinyl sticker with PERFECT image of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs AND NOTHING ELSE. You can JUST MAIL US $3.50 PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118

$4.00	Church Button
	SHOW OFF YOUR RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION WITH PRIDE! Same as the one that comes with every Membership Pack. 1 inch metal button with Church of the SubGenius logo and radiant J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. You can JUST MAIL US $4.00 + 50¢ U.S. postage. PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118

$3.00	Dobbshead Button
	1 inch metal button with magic image of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. You can JUST MAIL US $3.00 + 50¢ U.S. postage. PO Box 181417 CLEVE HTS OH 44118

$16.95	Dobbshead Cuff Links
	TEMPORARILY SOLD OUT. Tasteful, subtle 7/8" nickel-plated brass cuff links make you look slick, like a cult Mafioso. Designed by Dr. Hal Robins. These positively radiate power and suaveness. No one will guess how cheap they actually are. 4 color enamel face is backed with cuff link attachments. With these, you can blend in with Normals while retaining your Dobbs-given powers of Enslackenment. Nobody who's anybody doesn't have a set. Set of Two: SOLD OUT -- TRY LATER

Qty:	SUBGENIUS FLEXIDISK
	Yes, this is a little bitty floppy "LP RECORD," about the size of a 45 rpm disk but runs at 33 rpm and is literally floppy, etched onto thin plastic. Magazines like National Geographic, Mad and Guitar Player would occasionally include these things inside their publications. When THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS was published the first time by McGraw-Hill in 1983, we made a 6 minute promo collage (edited by Puzzling Evidence and Rev. Ivan Stang) which was sent to contributors and reviewers. The audio collage material was since used on our CDs of Media Barrage 0 and Hour of Slack Classics. But where else will you find one of THESE? Truly a nutty collector's item. The sound is not bad at all, if you can find a turntable. We wouldn't charge so much for them, but they're a bitch to mail because they have to stay flat. SOLD OUT! TRY eBAY!