Hey Deviates!!

Americans are ready for Fascism. Americans WANT Fascism... And they'll get it too! Not with the thunder of ten thousand jack-booted Aryans goosestepping down Main Street; but in the form of concerned citizens and caring professionals who know what's best for you.

In a world filled with people frantically scurrying about protecting each other from themselves, there will be little room for winos, freaks, mutants, luddites, anarchists, ranters, cranks, perv's, loons, and unpredictable fuck-ups, like YOU!

To help you keep a step ahead of the PC Police, here's some handy-dandy survival tips/secret information I've compiled (i.e. stolen) from various sources.

1. Purple Crayola Crayon cannot be photocopied. Write all checks and sensitive documents in purple crayon.
2. The United States has perfected the "Stupid Ray" and is now testing it on several demographic sections and on undecided voters. On average, exposure to the ray causes a normal person's IQ to be lowered by 50 points. The only known defense against the "Stupid Ray" is to tie an aluminum pie pan to each side of your head.
   
3. Bill Clinton can not move the little finger on either hand.
   
4. FBI agents are required by law to wear white shoes.
   
5. Those little "Do Not Remove" tags on pillows and mattresses are actually small microphones placed there by the Sex Police. Never exceed 3.4 sexual intensity level when these tags are present.
   
6. If you throw a bucket of water on a cop, he'll melt.
   
7. The people on the Tee-Vee screen can see you.
   
8. If you are stopped by the cops, a couple good swigs of PineSol will remove the alcohol smell from your breath.

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