SimpleNet Clarifies Everything

From: (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 01:55:44 -0600

I begged 'em for specifics, and this is what I got!

X-Sender: (Unverified)
Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:51:12 -0700
From: Simple|Net <>
Subject: Account
Mime-Version: 1.0

Dear SimpleNet Customer,

As stated before, it is against SimpleNet's policies to have adult content
on our servers.

If you know that you have adult content or material protected by copyright
on your site and you have read SimpleNet's policies, Then you know you are
in violation of these policies.

Regardless of your views on censorship, we still would like you to remove
all files containing material that violates SimpleNet's policies

Thank you for your anticipated action to remain a valuable SimpleNet


From: Pee Kitty <>
So simply change one word on one offensive one...then email them
back and tell them you fixed it. Provide the URL of the page so they can
see for themselves. If they complain that that's not it, ask them what
else needs fixing. Repeat until they give you a straight answer or kill


Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian

| "Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke is more than just a meaningless |
| slogan; it's actually a pretty serious statement, and one that I hold |
| true to, with a cream pie in one hand and a chainsaw in the other..." |
| -- Me |

From: (Bobdiddley)

Sure wouldn't want any ADULT content on the internet, would we? Only
dummy-fuckin' eedjit numbskull shit for bored suburban baggy pants wannabe's.

Dump the phoney SubG porn. We only want Yeti babes n' doods. We could even
slackrifice "Little Lisa's Wet Pussy"-we either got the joke by now, or we
never will.


From: mitchell@Doesn' (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

>Thank you for your anticipated action to remain a valuable SimpleNet

Cancel the account, ask for your remaining money back, and get the fuck away
from these cheeseheads. Since your account hasn't been cancelled (just
"suspended" by their account) you should be entitled to a prorated chunk of
your server fees. Get it, and let them gaze longingly for the last time at your
shiny white hiney as you walk away.


|Reverend Doktor Saint Popess| Fools' Press |
| Lilith von Fraumench, Esq. | 1122 E Pike St, #769 |
| Hangnail Of the Stark Fist | Seattle, WA 98122-3934 |
| Sadomasticist At Large | |
|Spiting the Gods since 1989!| |


From: "David R. Voth" <>

<mindless robotic form letter spew snipped>

Surely they must have been aware of our awsome stash of Disgusting Psychedelic
Pornography when they took on the great honor of hosting Subsite. How could
they have overlooked _"Bob" Meteor Crashing Into A Blowjob Pyramid_?

These bozos obviously can't take a joke and don't want our money. "Adult
content" can mean anything they decide, and they can legally change their minds
any time they feel like it. All the art and literature that belongs to the
SubGenius Foundation is "protected by copyright", so it could be considered in
validation of this policy too.

No wonder they're called SimpleNet. I say we get everyone from the village and
the bloodhounds and torches and... Nah, just fuck 'em and get a new ISP.

Reverend David Voth, President-For-Life
Amateur Mad Seismologist Clench
San Diego, California, Teegeeack


From: (Rev. Ivan Stang)

As it turns out, Jesus was so pissed by this ridiculous mess that, BUSY AS
WE BOTH ARE, He's planning to give 'em MAJOR headaches through legal
channels. They took SubSITE down days before they even TOLD us. Can you
imagine how much money this business lost. Hmmm hmmm hmmm.

Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB -- SubSITE of Slack


From: (Jeffrey Smith)

*I*, personally, was going to buy, oh I dunno, a few hundred dollars
worth of stuff this week....

**** **** **** ****
SubGenius Police, Usenet Tactical Unit (Mobile), aka S.P.U.T.U.M.
Unit CLXXXVII: "Primum Nocere
Parahuman Ragnarok Initiators,METAsysop Element


From: e/ (e/w bear)

Our consortium was on the verge of a major investment in The Subgenius
Foundation but our asian partners balked when they couldn't find the site.
Looks like they're going to make a play for Time-Warner instead.


From: (Rev. Doktor Lizzardo)

I feel my religious rights have been violated, as I was unable to
access the "Hall of Goods" to view my tithe options to "Bob". They
are responsible for any and all problems that may result from any
tilting away from me of the Luck Plane.

Rev. Doktor Lizzardo

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