I am a kindly and responsible dog owner. My guard dogs and I go for a daily walk of at least a couple of miles a day, a slightly different trip each time. And we stay leashed to each other, so that we know we are all safe at all times and won't go shitting in an untoward manner on our neighbor's lawns.

Our neighborhood committeee has made it clear that dogs are not to shit around here.

But I don't care about my fellow primates. What I'm trying to figure out is, why did our canine friends sell out to us so easily?

They were WOLVES. They had their act together. Why did they take up with a bunch of just-climbed-down-out-of-the-trees PRIMATES? Weak, slow-running, blunt-toothed, no-clawwed tree-climbing monkeys. WHY?

What did we have to offer them that they weren't getting in standard wolf-dog-dingo-tribal life?

GROOMING!! That's my theory. The canines fell for the seductive pull of PRIMATE GROOMING SKILLS.

We primates are pretty good at it. Ask our cousins the orangutans, our grandpas the Gorillas, our siblings the Chimps. If you can FIND any to ASK.
What's known as "GROOMING" is about all we have going for us. But we CAN'T BE BEAT at it.

It's that HANDS thing. We have 'em; nobody else does. (Although most of us would envy the mighty Bonobo Chimp as it scratches its butt with its foot.)

I'm not bragging up hands and the bicameral mind on account of how we've dominated the planet. No, I'm only bragging up the way our grooming skills have seduced the once-mighty wolf into becoming our litttle French poodle, "Puffie."

I'm bragging about how much better you or I can massage a doggie's ear than the poor doggie could do for himself with his urgently digging hind foot.
What's the dog going to do? BITE? Who could blame him.

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Original file name: CANINES & PRIMATES

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