Official Church Update from Jesus 2BX 4/3/97


Jesus Saved by FringeWare

Yea as it was written so shall it be. When thy giant metal demons are released to scavenge the earth and burn thy cattle and thy hogs heads and thy buildings, on that day shall Jesus walk the earth again. And his fate shall lieth in the hands of Dobbs' servants and a man full of slack who brought forth the demons of destruction. And this man shall decide the future of the worlds one true religion.

Yes, it is true unbelievers. It is the anniversary of my arrival here in the holy land. When "Bob" hired me a year ago on April 1st he said that I could only stay another year if I could double the amount of income to the Church. Maybe he thought it was impossible, maybe it was a test of my divinity, maybe he knew what the outcome would be all along. Anyway, up till the Survival Research Labs show we were short. The sales were brisk and with the help of G Gorden Gorden, Ms GGG, Welman, The Sacred Scribe, and someone else we sold like it was the day before X Day. But to no avail, the count was still short by $200. The next day as we returned to get a closer look at the destruction and robots, the saviors savior, Rev Paco Xander Nathan, stepped forward and bought everything we had left. Putting us 200 over the mark! Songs will be sung for hundreds of years of this great moment. I owe that Communist Ninja much more then just my job, ultimately I owe him my life.


SubGenius New World Order Illuminati

Big News. The contracts are signed. Steve Jackson Games in partnership with the Church of the SubGenius have begun constructing the most frightening card game the humans will ever see. The SubGenius INWO game will not only be compatible with the INWO system but will also be a stand alone game. So if you have no idea what I'm talking about you can still buy it and play it. The release date has not been set, and we're still pounding out the game plan and art. I can tell you this: you can look forward to seeing many of your favorite subsite artists represented. (Please do not beg us to use your art, Master of all Card Games Saint Steve Jackson will be conjuring Satan himself for guidance in this area) I will keep you up to date on release date a
content. Watch you local comicbook/ gaming store for details.


Dallas Clench Meeting

We have decided to have a monthly meeting of local Dallas, FortWorth, Austin, Waco, or any one who can get here, Subs. We have secured a place with a local Rev/ Bar owner, but have not settled on a date. I will post all the info once we know it.


Atlanta Devival

Starring Rev. Ivan Stang, Susie the Floozy, The Lord and just confirmed Dr. K'taden Legume, will take place May 10th at 10 pm at the CRC Bar and Eatery in Atlanta next to Georgia Tech. Price has not been set but should be around $5.00 -$8.00. For more info call the Devival Hotline at (216)556-0338 or check out the web site. It has been a while since a Devival has been in that part of the US, it will be worth the trip!


Xday Drill #2

We will be sending out the application and info in the next Stark Fist, also I will periodically put it here. If you have no patience Email me and I'll email you the form and info. Remember pre register if you can, but you can also pay at the door. The dates are July 4,5,6 in Sherman NewYork at Brushwood folklore Center. The Cost is $25 for members plus Camping fee of $10 a day. Non-members pay more. See Xday info post for all the goodies. Or go to the website, which has nudie pics and everything


Stark Fist

Should be at your door beginning of May. Probably will only be 16 pg, as we didn't get enough advertisers to make the jump to 32. Next time. It is not to late to advertise: 35 word personal is only $10. Real ads start at $25. Call 1-888-669-2323 to buy an add or email Jesus at


Sales Figures for 1 AD

For those who find Slack in such things: We averaged 40.95 new members a month.

Our best selling:

Book: Book of the SubG
Tape: Arise
Audio: Devival than Fire CD
Sticker: Give me Slack!
GeeGaw: Coffee Mug


New Products

Keychain: Black Leather, Gold embossing, very cool $5

Short Duration Marriage License and ceremony $3

"Bob" Clocks 12" round (ephemera) $29.95

2 inch metallic "Bob" Sticker 2/ $4

2 inch CLEAR "Bob" static window sticker 2/ $4 (Stickers sold in sets of 2 , no singles)



The mighty Web outreach is out of control, and today alone 4500 individuals visited the site. We secured, and will be moving the site to it's new home in a few weeks. It's outgrown it's current one, the address will be, the old one may or may not work after the move. The .com will allow us to really sell out. The connection will be faster, and with luck conspiracy billboards will litter the home page, and line our pockets.

More later, I'm getting too tired.

Praise "Bob", ShaHinDaLaMaKoyYa....

I Have the Grey Hand.


For info Send $1 to
The Church of The SubGenius
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214
Rev. J.C. "Steve" Bevilacqua
Business Manager, Sleazy Promoter
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Send $1.00 for more information on this fast growing cult! PO Box 140306 Dallas, TX 75214
Fax: (214)324-0993 Credit card orders 1(888)669-2323

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