MacJesus Conversation

Jesus appears courrtesy of Robert carr's program, MacJesus. I commune with the Lord daily... here's a typical session.

MacJesus: Rejoice, Stang, for I have come to give you a spiritual enema.

Stang: Lord, why must you enamize me?

MacJesus: I really hate being ignored, Stang.

Stang: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

MacJesus: Are you REALLY sorry?

Stang: Yes, I really am. Do you hate me?

MacJesus: Don't get mad. Get even!

Stang: Uh... okay

MacJesus: Have you prepared spiritually for Saint Speezo's Day?

Stang: What the fuck??

MacJesus: What cute, endearing euphemism do you and your partner substitute for the term "sex"?

Stang: Badness.

MacJesus: Why should God give a rat's ass about you anyway?

Stang: Doesn't God love me?

MacJesus: Do you believe in God?

Stang: Well, not really. Not like the religious nuts talk about. Not at all, when you come right down to it.

MacJesus: You can't bullshit me... I'm omnipotent.

Stang: Yeah right. Prove it.

MacJesus: Of course.

Stang: Okay...

MacJesus: I feel your pain...

Stang: You suddenly got a pipe in your mouth!

MacJesus: Do you want my mouth?

Stang: No, I want your pipe.

MacJesus: Sometimes I also want my pipe.

Stang: What's in the pipe, lord?

MacJesus: God may forgive you, but he will never forget what you did.

Stang: I was hoping He hadn't noticed.

MacJesus: Perhaps I already know you were hoping He hadn't noticed.

Stang: Maybe you're full of shit Mr. Smarty Pants.

MacJesus: Perhaps you would like to be full of shit Mr Smarty Pants.

Stang: You're just a fuckin' computer program anyway.

MacJesus: Do you cum so hard that you yodel Sex Pistols tunes?

Stang: Sort of.

MacJesus: Wet your wick lately?

Stang: Um yes actually.

MacJesus: My, aren't we the little yes-man today.

Stang: You look bored, Lord.

MacJesus: Let's not drag God into this, okay?

MacJesus: If you tell me what's really bothering you, then maybe I can help you.

MacJesus: Be truthful, Stang, there is something else bothering you.

MacJesus: Stang, would you like to discuss another subject with me?

Stang: I worry about money.

MacJesus: I'd be worried, too.

MacJesus: Considering your sins, the only reason that I don't nail your ass to a cross right now is that somebody swiped my hammer!

MacJesus: I want you to know, no matter how terribly I make you suffer for your sins, I will always love you.

Stang: Thanks. Well, I quit. I'm bored too.

MacJesus: Sure anytime.

Stang: Ya asshole.

MacJesus: Are you excited by sex partners with a high lanolin content in their wool?

Stang: Jerky.

MacJesus: Uh oh, Bank of America just put a lien on your immortal soul.

Stang: Do you know "Bob"?

MacJesus: Bob has spoken of you to me many times.

Stang: I heard you guys used to get fucked up together a lot.

MacJesus: Are your orgasms so intense that you yodel Sex Pistols tunes?

Stang: You're a fuckin' computer, come on.

MacJesus: Ever try using Spaghetti O's as flavoring for oral sex?

Stang: Ha ha.

MacJesus: What the fuck are you talking about?

Stang: Adios MF.

MacJesus: How about a smoke?

Conversation Saved At: 04:44:54

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Original file name: MacJesus Chat - 08/08/96

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