95.5.17- REVELATION X OUT-TAKES Ch. 8, 9

This thread on alt. slack was initiated by The SubGenius Foundation as part of THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL: ONLINE Issue #1. THE STARK FIST is a product of the Church of the SubGenius official public outreach arm, The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., and specifically of the First Orthodox Stangian MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected, and of contributing True Apostles of the Dobbs of other denominations. More details follow, at the end of this post.

COPYRIGHT 1995 by The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. All rights reserved.
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Note from Rev. Stang: There are MOUNTAINS of "out-takes" from our 4th book, REVELATION X -- THE "BOB"APOCRYPHON. Just prior to the final layout, several editor-surgeons and Word Doktors (but mostly myself and St. Palmer Vreedeez, the only ones CRUEL enough to do it) had to perform many painful amputations to make more room for art.

These out-takes come in two types: 1) big chunks that stand on their own, which were originally meant to be side-bars; and 2) shorter clumps of sentences or paragraphs that had originally been woven into the multi-authored main text of each chapter, and then removed.

What follows is from the latter category. These bits and pieces aren't necessarily presented in their original order, nor do any of them connect to each other. They are best read as independent, random statements. Indeed, the randomness of this non-arrangement has its own special fucked-up charm.

The primary servants of Dobbs on Revelation X were Ivan Stang, Philo Drummond, G. Gordon Gordon, and Palmer Vreedees. The Aliens chapter contains much additional prophecy by Dr. Howll, Father Joe Mama, Onan Canobite, and Nick Gardener.

Italics and boldface phrases and words have been replaced by ALL CAPS.
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Ch. 8
HEAVEN AND HELL

THE 101th (One Hundred and Oneth) SubGenius

Maybe the mind CAN affect quantum collapse, and maybe we CAN shift the universe slightly, shift back and forth between them. For all we know the universes are SO close to being identical, we may shift across three or four universes in a single moment and not know the difference because they're in such close resonance. A few grains of sand on a beach somewhere are different. Only if you happen to be near one of the points of difference would you notice something strange, like a sea serpent or a flying saucer or a ghost.

Maybe we surf though the quantum like that. Maybe we recreate the universe every second and it's a brand new one perpetually.
Wow.
But probably not.
Probably when you die, you're just dead.

"Fuck 'em even if they CAN take a joke, this HURTS!!"  Dobbs in Hell

(Besides, for every painstakingly premeditated Satanic ritual killing, a hundred babies are killed spur-of-the-moment by po'bucker Christian parents convinced that their kid was crying because it was "demon possessed.")

Normal Hell
Only after toiling for a week that lasts 1,000 years do you 'earn' the 'right' to relax and go out on a date with a cute demon. But then you're faced with the nightmare of SEX IN HELL. In Hell, you're judged by your LOOKS. If your appearance doesn't conform to the most recent Miss Hell foldout or "Marlboro Man," you're out of luck. And in Hell you AGE. Your skin sags as the years go by, and you're compelled to wear elaborate hairdos and make-up. On top of that, the demons make such a big deal out of sex, both pro and con, that half the time you're so uptight about doing things "right," you end up with a pathetic, unsatisfying, anticlimactic halfway-orgasm for all your trouble. The only legal recreational drugs are debilitating central nervous system depressants like heroin, while harmless plant extracts like coffee will get you thrown into Hell Prison. There's no point in even trying to IMAGINE what Hell Prison is like.

In SubGenius Hell, there is no authority  only Angels. Angels don't HAVE to sin, but they do anyway. Sometimes they frolic and have sex with SubGenius souls. (Imagine ANGEL SEX!) Other times they watch us with no more involvement than when we watch a sitcom. The concept of fallibility does not exist among Angels, and so they are infallible. Angels are rather "Bob"-like in this ignorance, or amnesia, of failure.

Telepathy is used, because there is no air to make sound waves; indeed, everything in Asgard is composed of varying thicknesses and degrees of pure PLEASURE, and all consciousness is in a continuous, undiluted Moment of OozSquirt.

All who die as children go straight to Asgard and grow up there. They make the best Angels, because they require almost no deprogramming.

The Angels wear devil costumes to scare the Bobbies, so when they first get there they think, "Oh, no, Lord I sinned, I've gone to Hell"  whereas the true SubGeniuses think, >"Praise "Bob," I sinned enough!"<

One doesn't HAVE to be baptized in "Bob" to be saved, NAY! Members of rival cults who were unknowing, unsaved SubGeniuses in life will find themselves in SubGenius Hell  which they'll naturally think is their Heaven. We may find among us rogue priests, misfit rabbis, deranged sufis, even some cops. All who were great SubGeniuses and Bold Surrealists without knowing it will join us in SubGenius Hell. You should assume that YOU still have to send the $30, but there are some whose service to "Bob" ENABLED the Church to exist for you to spend that $30 ON. They might not ever know of the Church, or might hate it, but they will certainly end up on the Escape Vessels in 1998  and if they die before then, they'll go straight to SubGenius Hell, whether they like it or not.
They'll like it.
It will be impossible for them not to.

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Ch. 9
GODS, MONSTERS AND UFOs

Nicholas Gardener speculations:
One is forced to wonder why "our" space technology has suddenly, although perhaps only apparently, begun to lag so far behind where the UFO-Sky-mind drama indicated it should be. To explain what I mean by the UFO-Sky-mind drama:

1) Certain Western Magical traditions postulate that as Space is the 3rd Dimension and Time is the 4th, so Consciousness is the 5th and that Space-Time-Consciousness is a cosmic CONTINUUM.
2) Many UFO researchers have remarked that certain types of UFO sightings seem to be deliberately absurd events staged by an unknown intelligence (probably connected with, but not necessarily limited to, the Collective and/or Individual Unconscious of the Archetypal Plane) specifically for the benefit of the viewer(s).
3) There are innumerable examples throughout history of technological developments, especially in the navigational fields, showing up in dreams, visions, and phantoms just before being invented by humans  or BECAUSE humans are about to invent them. In the 1890s, before we had zeppelins, UFOs disguised themselves as zeppelins, and a few years later as "phantom" planes always just slightly more advanced than ours in appearance, and always showing off by doing aerodynamically "impossible" maneuvers. This clearly shows that part of their function is to reflect our hopes and fears back at us from the sky, particularly in the context of our own near-future evolution. So-called "ET aliens" are our empathic twins; Higher Intelligence IS us in the future. Alternate dimensions/universes DO overlap, or... collide...

Back when UFOs displayed themselves as zeppelins, etc., it only took human inventors a few years to rise to the occasion. Remember that UFOs have been displaying themselves as "interstellar craft" since the 1940s. Remember that technological advancement is supposed to be accelerating geometrically. So where are OUR flying saucers? Why has humanity APPARENTLY failed so miserably in leaving the wombplanet? Are we any less obsessed with space travel than our ancestors were with air travel? Nay, I say  NAY, NAY! Nuit is alive and well and burning painfully rapturous love-paeons into the vary NeuroAtomic CORE of our being, every single night! Some of us KNOW that by now, each humanoid Earthian deserves and should have two flying saucers, a mansion, a Sirian Dog, and enough space for as many children as s/he wants. I suspect that a few greedy bastards already have these things and just aren't telling us  there is a fundamental Lie that the universe is a closed system, that there isn't enough food-energy-love-space-time to go around, that the majority of humans are therefore predestined to a short life of suffering and ignorance, etc...
Nicolas Gardner

All the stars in the universe are excited nerve cells in the brain of the biggest, dumbest Elder God.

HIERARCHIES OF UNIVERSES:
Dictated by the Mighty Messenger, King of Archangels, Melchizedek....
A huge hierarchy. 7 SuperUniverses, 70 Major Sectors, 7,000 Minor Sectors, 700,000 Local Universes, 70 Mil constellations, 7 billion local stars and 7 trillion local inhabitable planets.
God's Farts  the Ancestors of Universes

EVOLUTION OF DEITIES
Philo had Tourette's Syndrome... that's what it was all along, it just got worse. What we thought was a sense of humor was Tourette's Syndrome.
Sacred spasms: When you can't think of anything else to say you blurt out "shitamayfuckaie-hiii,"...

Creation was caused by something like spasms of Tourette's Syndrome in God. This was also how the Church of the SubGenius "accidentally" created itself through "Bob." In its own wisdom, it knew what it was doing. It created itself and multiplied itself many times over, spawningnew generations. This is how deities evolve. This is where gods come from  this is where God came from. To be a god, all it takes is enough curiosity, imagination, enthusiasm, and Tourette's Syndrome.

 Drs. for "Bob" at Dokstok One would've been the only band the Yacatisma would like. That's what they heard that called their attention to earth, that piano being sawed in half at Dokstok I. They kinda dug that. They mistook our intentions, however. At the second one they threw a lot of lightning at us cause we WEREN'T destroying things. They decided it was TOO PINK.
And that Thing with No Face that showed up... that poor Thing, it was just trying to WARN us! It wasn't screaming in a threatening way  and the reason it had no face was not because it was an alien, but because the aliens had taken its face! It wasn't a monster, it was a Bigfoot, a Yeti trying to warn us! NO! We killed it, we lynched it! We chopped it up and burned the little pieces!

Who holds the scepter which controls the psychick Control System through the medium of our Nervous Nervous Systems: Is it the Child of the Aeon, or the Abominable Sleeping Elders? When wilt thou rain carbonaceous chondrite meteorites the size of towtrucks down upon the Pentagon? When wilt thou slay the Crafty Reptilians?

We SubGeniuses have a common enemy: Them. Socioeconomic illusionists distracting mindless cattle with meaningless political babble while ufo-joyriding CIA Black Magicians feed us all to slowlysoulslurping squidmonsters from etheric planes of cancerous bilge.

But in his pride the First "Bob"thought not to give to his Men the Awareness of the PeE, which purifieth all Divine Beings; and so they were unclean and corruptible.

Once you cross the Abyss, if you don't get lost forever in the whirlpools of past and future time streams, you'll eventually learn enough to achieve Time Control and coexist in multiple dimensions at will (this is the so-called "Bottomless Pit" of Revelation). You may eventually evolve into a STAR or QUASAR (although if you don't make the grade, you might end up as a mere asteroid.)

DEFY FALSE FATE!!

INTERVIEW w/ Mr. Zed

Well, we're studying Conspiracy psychodynamics  trying to find out where those little pink brains are deficient. Pinkness has a lot to do with the worship of power and authority, with a little bit of sadomasochism thrown in.

SADOMASOCHISM?

Well, apparent sadomasochism. A masochist doesn't enjoy suffering  just submission. And of course a sadist likes to wield power. A Pink tends to have it both ways  he lets other people tell him who he can torture. And I'm not just talking about plain old S&M here  I'm talking about the way people live their lives from day to day.

THEY'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO ASSERT AUTHORITY OVER OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THEY REALLY SEEM INSECURE...

Insecurity has a lot to do with Pinkness. That's why Pinks are into extreme forms of power. They make model slaves and slavemasters, because they have so much respect for power  the more perverse and unjust, the better. A lot of them act really self-righteous because moral authority is usually considered higher than any other kind.
Mr. Zed

"Bob" has to pay his debt of Bobbie souls at the Great White Lodge. We do not truck with demons and entities indiscriminately or unnecessarily. We won't associate with the so-called "Great White Brotherhood" because they're just a New Age branch of the Con. Besides, in a few years they'll be coming to US for advice.

KIDNEY STONES
Peeing a rusty fish-hook, booger-sized rock shaped like a porcupine crossed with a sea urchin... feels like the opposite of when the parasitic catfish swim up your urine stream when you're pissing into the Tigre or Urubamba just before it lodges itself in your urethra... but at least it's going OUT... the cork that's fanned with razor blades...

this kind of navigation (between stars) requires mastery of post-euclidian geometry and inuification of "opposite" sciences like neurophysiology and astronomy. (All of the above is based on the assumption that this planet is a synergetic energy-and-information-harvesting FLIGHT SCHOOL, as the Tripod Network has hinted  and NOT an entropic slaughterhouse, as all political "leaders" (and most humans as well) believe it to be.)

Tumorslopping, Headpopping, 3-eyed antimatter pigs from Intergalactic Time Banks and Utilities Companies laughing at us ALL as They bleed us dry: "Making the most of your Time."

(The gods do not possess nuclear weapons; the saucer people don't even possess nuclear weapons. We are the ONLY ONES who can destroy us. Doesn't that make you proud to be a human? Part of the team that's able to unleash more destructive force than all combined demons, Greek gods, ghosts, UFOs, etc?)

It's a good thing the mysteries still exist, or else we might all be heroin addicts. Why else would there be any reason for awareness whatsoever? It's painful enough as it is!

A single gigantic intelligent fungus, over 10,000 years old, will be found to cover the entire top half of North America, with roots extending all the way to the roof of the Hollow Earth. Descended from an alien spore, the puny native fungi of Earth can communicate through it with its Mother Fungi  the Armillaria Gemingus fungus, which has covered its home planet of Geminga V for at least a billion years  and her spin-offs on other planets.

As the Bull gored the Sun-God-Phoenix to death in Taurus/Scorpio, and as everything is vanity and hypocracy, so AL GORE leads the Human Worm on an unholy mission to pollute the Feline Sun-God of AQUARIUS/LEO NOW. In the name of "environmentally healthy" beaurocracy/47/perpetual adversity. AL Gore God-killer1313 Castrator of Osiris LA. Sol-11 nuclear split duality big filthy mess Luna-22; 1963 = 1 + 9 + 6 +3 = 19-Suncard Gemenid Twins suffocated by witchdoctor worm-sceptor; the Navigator King of Norway shot in the Head in your Trinary NeuroAtomick Cosmic TV Circuits (Circus) at the 33rd parallel while Rosicrucian Lizards play Golf on the Moon.

"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life, when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke."  G. Gordon Gordon

Nick Gardener:
The great WorkNet has already been cast over us.

Sometimes these "divine" interventions are obviously for our good; other times they are definitely harmful. It's not that the entities are necessarily hostile, any more than we feel hostility toward a trout we might catch in the river. They merely have USE for us. 28

These interdimensional "Doktors" sometimes take the forms of UFOs, monsters, angels, etc., but generally manifest through a psychic Coincidence Control Office which is symbiotically linked to our minds. Just enough information comes through to speed up our evolution, while only sometimes driving us mad in the process. It's all a matter of invocation, conscious or other  a vast pranking system. If you think about it, it's not so different from what the Church does.

Pinks dislike these put-ons, because they're grotesque exaggerations of the way things REALLY ARE but which nobody wants to FACE without having the "joke" there as a RELEASE VALVE. (That's the standard justification for Operation Mindfuck that we use in court, anyway.)

But Crop Circles are also, in a way, responses to OUR attempts to communicate with THEM. For have not we been sending messages into interdimensional hyperspace? Did we not subconsciously ASK Them to drop that UFO on Roswell, New Mexico, the only atomic installation on the planet at the time? Were They not responding to our deepest yearnings, when they furnished all the thousands of other saucers, tinfoil models, hologram-bedecked balloons and obsolete Social Experimentation satellite that have "crashed" in the last 45 years?

THE ELDER GODS
They do not control our atoms, but rather become a new source of our atoms' energy  slowly sifting into us, creating a cosmic interference pattern of sympathetic vibrations which set off reactions unknown to our physics.

But they must operate through a veil, a Borderland populated by their lesser agents who descend to Earth to keep us in fear and confusion: "ghosts," invisible whirlers, UFOs, Deros, "fear zones," poltergeists, Green Energy Demons, etc.

It is much easier for them to cause depression and madness in Normals than in SubGenii, whose brains move in a more slippery way.

The Elder Gods wish to keep us frightened into superstition, so that we don't advance far enough to surpass them before they awaken.

The only reason the Con hasn't overtly tried to destroy the Church yet is that they know we're the natural, fated, chosen tools of the gods, and possessed of Slack powers they themselves do not understand. They want to infiltrate us, hinder us, steal our secrets, and only THEN snuff us. This is why the number of people who know the actual location of The SubGenius Foundation office can be counted on four hands.

If the MAAT current from the Backwards Time Dimension fuses with the Horus current from the Post-Xist Conspiracy False Church, as they hope, >it will annihilate all matter and energy from this time continuum.<

"When the SLEEPING WAKE, those now living will not die, and those now dead shall stumble throughout the cities of madness, whirling electromagnetic energy during the Night of "Bob." THE BOOK shall be rewritten, its pages scrawled with the terrifying WRIT of THE CHILD THAT HAS COME."
 Found by Rev. Shuerholz among the writings of Wilbur Von Jünst

XISTS
In aeons past they transcended technology and achieved total psychic control over ANYTHING, AT ANY DISTANCE. One may best attempt to fathom the Xists by examining the conditions under which they evolved.

It's hard to conceive of a carbon-based life form ever taking root there; the ones that did, evolved mainly in caves. Even inside the caverns, the fluctuations of pressure, atmospheric content, ionization, etc. were immense, presenting the toughest challenge to evolution imaginable  thus the extreme adaptability of the Xists.

The impassable series of barriers they encountered in trying to explore their own planet was what forced their telekinetic powers to evolve so extravagantly. Getting off their planet was harder for them than for any of the younger races that have since sprung up in this galaxy.

"Full of faces round about"... sound familiar?
Another lurked in England for centuries, haunting thousands of houses at once. It's gone now, but left behind many invisible alien "party favors," which are still taken to be "ghosts." The Germanic Baldanders myth is based upon a rogue Xist.

Each of the 4 Xist brains divides not only into left and right like ours, but into four quadrants, making for an effective total of 16 brains. Each brain or section of the brain can work independently, or all can interlock for complex computations or crises.

Xist senses include echolocation, which works like sonar x-ray vision; an infra-red thermal sense; even chemical spectro-analysis and gravitational/magnetic directional senses! Certain other vibrations (unknown to us) are received through whisker/antennae clustered around the faces. Xists even sport metallic 'buck teeth' at the end of one snout which decode electromagnetic emanations almost exactly as does a tape deck's playback head. They can sense the most minute distortions in the magnetic field for miles around  the equivalent of hearing a fly sneeze on a distant hilltop. Their mentality is such that one Xist could hold conversations telepathically with several thousand human beings simultaneously and individually. Most importantly, Xists can discern time band-widths much greater than can we; they can know at a 'glance' what you are doing and thinking right now, what you were doing and thinking for the past three years, and what you will be doing and thinking for the next three weeks.

But don't start "trying to think good thoughts" yet.

The YACATISMA
It's lucky for us that the Yacatisma have been busy dismantling other reaches of the galaxy.

They enter the core and race around, battling amongst themselves, pitching STARS at each other.

The idea behind the Big Bang is that everything started in one place and expanded evenly in all directions... but it didn't actually happen smoothly; it had lumps and ripples, which formed galaxies and stars.

In the distant future, when matter is diffused to a sufficiently low density, the gravitational force of the Universe will eventually stop the expansion, and the Universe will fall back in on itself  a sort of reverse Big Bang called the Big Crunch  presumably thence to rebound into a new Universe. Theoretically, powerful forces present outside our universe could manipulate that new universe during the first moments of its New Bang into forming exactly the way they want it. For, once one steps outside our space-time continuum, as can the Yacatisma, even a small amount of power can be exerted with enormous force over the tiny singularity to which the Universe will have "shrunk."

The Yacatisma believe that if they take enough stars, break them all back down into hydrogen atoms, and spread the matter out uniformly, evening out the gravitational imbalances caused by lumps, the Universe will start contracting and fall in on itself, collapsing down backwards in the Big Crunch, becoming a singularity. When it hits the bottom and reverts to just a point again, the next Big Bang will occur. Before matter cools out of that Bang, during the nanoseconds that it's still just a sea of quarks and radiation,(CENSORED)

The Yacatisma aren't heading directly for Earth yet, but they have begun to turn their attention our way. That attention has already provoked advance prescient glimmers of their coming in visionaries and artists, who tap those preliminary Yacatisma vibrations. That's why the look of the Yacatisma seems so COOL and "Nineties." Those bizarre metallic, bionic hard-edged fashion styles one sees on metalpunks and their album covers are a direct result of Yacatismic psychic influence.

Gardener:
Our planet has a "skin," just as most of you do. Otherwise unexplainable phenomena such as culture, art, and orgasms evolved specifically to nourish and heal that planetary skin, that frail shell of mojobodies29 surrounding spaceship Earth. Now, clench your sphincter and consider this: there is a HOLE in the PSYCHIC SHIELD of OUR PLANET. Even the Conspiracy has acknowledged this fact, but only in the analogy of "depletion of the ozone layer" by "CFCs" resulting in "radiation hazards." Hundreds of sad dupes have found this obvious lie more palatable than the unspeakable horrors implicit in the UFO reality. As the mojosphere of Earth erodes, the natural defenses of our bodies have gone spastic, and has over-encased us in invisible character armor to ward off the presence of aliens in our "space." This new tension has in turn perverted our best jokes, our he-UNGH-ing-est squirts and oozes, our most life-affirming activities into pathetic spectacles. Wilhelm Reich tried to warn Earth about the "EAs" (Energy Alphas, or primordial energy creatures), and died in a Conspiracy prison for his troubles.

They are able to predict what a contactee is about to think or do and therefore control it; this is how they "paralyze" people they visit at night, by second-guessing the neurosystem of their victim. They can't know the future, but they do know you, literally better than you know yourself. They have inside knowledge of your head, and can dredge up your worst nightmares to keep you in line.

They reproduce exclusively by genetically accelerating the growth of buds pruned from their own kind, fertilized with human genes. Their gestation period is measured in days, which explains why they look like giant, walking fetuses in some cases. Specific Greys often are assigned to their human "parents."

Old HoS rant:
On the other hand... if the weird forces ever did lose patience with us, and even get ORGANIZED, think what they COULD DO. They're as technologically inclined as we are, if they want to be. The average modern day poltergeist or "haint" can turn appliances on and off, leave messages on tape decks, etc. What if a distressed nuclear weapons engineer, trained in launch protocol, were to commit suicide in a missile silo? The silo might thenceforth be HAUNTED by his leftover, embittered 'lower soul,' which was too confused to cling to its higher counterpart and go to the Vats. It mopes around, halfway in our reality, trying to make contact but unable to, and is eventually driven mad while gaining experience in discharging electrical circuitry in that missile silo by sheer poltergeist hate-force... or, it could get into the radar viewscreens at NORAD and deliberately appear as blips indicating incoming North Korean missiles... did you ever wonder what a nuclear blast would do to your SOUL?? If ever there was something that could erase parts of more than one reality, it's that. In that case, setting off a nuke might be the only way for a ghost to commit suicide!!

We dare not dwell upon these things any longer, lest we give our spirit readers BIG IDEAS.

The Swashbucklin' Shiva is welcome; the Eater of Souls is not.

"The masses ARE hopeless robots being propelled through neurotic daily routine by injured and sad Nervous Systems. And yet we all lead double (or triple) lives. We are groping for Telepathy, meaning any and all more advanced forms of the transmission/reception of information based on the nervous system itself. This is how to pilot a UFO... interface between the Ship and the Nervous System itself, as in dreams where you "let go" and REMEMBER HOW TO FLY."  Nicholas Gardner

A PRAYER TO NHEE GHEE
Why did you do it to me, NHGH? Why did you make me do this terrible thing? Oh NHGH, please do not notice me as I beg you to ignore me, NHGH! If you do hear me, NHGH, please FORGET, I IMPLORE you!

I seek to know where you dwell, NHEEGHEE, only that I may know in which direction to flee from you. Is there a place where you are NOT, NHEEGHEE? That is what I seek. I must find the place where NHGH is not, and there I must go.

Oh no! You are here! I must go somewhere else! I must whine! Whine! For I know, NHGH, that you love a whiner most of all, and that those who are most afraid of you, NHGH, are those you love the best! Oh KILL me, Nhee Ghee, KILL me, that I might escape your relentless friendship! Amen.

28 The Book of the SubGenius is, IN CODE, the "Lost Volume" of The Necronomicon!
29 For more on mojobodies, see the PreDobbs Stangfilm, REPRODUCTION CYCLE

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The essential SubGenius teachings are encapsulated in THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS (ISBN number 0-671-63810-6) and in REVELATION X -- THE "BOB"APOCRYPHON (ISBN # 0-671-77006-3), Fireside Books trade paperbacks published by Simon & Schuster. See the flipside of this newsgroup for catalog of other Church products including audio and video tapes, wearing apparel, and protective devices ("PRICELIST OF THE GODS").

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