Path: szdc2!!!!!!!not-for-mail

From: (Jesus Christ)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: ****Official Church Update 6/5/97*****
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 1997 23:14:45 GMT
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Church of the SubGenius
Official Church Update
MegaFisTemple Lodge #3

Lodge #3.1 Opened

We're just about finished moving the mail
order front to bigger quarters. We outgrew the 38
floor skyscraper, and now have a full 89 floors!
What a bitch it was moving everything over, but
with Rev Nickie and someone else on the whips,
the bobbies completed the job in 3 days. I'm just
glad we didn't have to move the Foundation itself. I
don't think it would even be possible, as I don't
know if we even have a complete map of the caverns

Don't worry, everything remains the same: toll free
number, mailing address, fax number, etc.


Dallas Clench Meeting

The Dallas Clench will be meeting Fri the 13th at
the IceHouse on Yale Blvd. I believe 7 PM to
10:30 will be the quiet, touchy-feely part; from
10:30 on will be the loud music, thrashing, and blood
fest. I've also heard rumors of SubJeapordy. Get
there on time, and match your wits against Rev.
Nickie, Jesus Christ or even Rev. Stang. Let's find
out who really puts the "Sub" in SubGenius. Oh yeah,
and we plan to paint a giant Dobbshead on the bar
wall; we are taking over! For more info: Email
Pope Angus, High OverLord of the Dallas Clench
Lodge #1 :

BTW: I believe the Dallas clench meeting will be
every 2nd Fri of the month from now on, at the


Clench Registry

OK, all you Clench Leaders, listen up. We're going
to get really real here. The Church is starting an
Official Clench Registry. Here's how it works:

1. Have 4 ordained ministers

2. Meet at least once a month (even if it's just to
watch the X-files)

3. Pick a President, Dictator, Supreme Worshipful
Great one.

4. Name the Clench.

5. Send all info with $30 to the Father Church

What you get:
1. Official frameable Clench Certificate

2. Your Clench added to the Other Mutants List
(In MUCH bigger headline print than unregistered ones!)

3. The honor of officially being named YourCity
Clench #1 (assuming you're first)

4. Permission to charter other Clenches (a great
money raiser!)

5. Other secret bonuses not yet thought up.

If this seems too restrictive and regulated for you,
well.. I don't really care. But, I will give you these
reasons why it's a good idea:

1. We want more money.

2. Organization is the key to world domination.

As a clench you are indeed more visible, but
you can accomplish many more things. Like
figuring out ways of getting the HOS in your town,
putting on a devival, raising money, getting to the
Drill. Furthermore, we need stable groups that are
willing to help out at the X-Day Drill and Devivals.

In keeping with SubGenius dogma, YOU
DO NOT NEED TO REGISTER or send us money
to be a Clench. Anyone who wants to be Clench IS
a Clench. This is just a way of becoming official, in
a way saying "Yes, "Bob" I will go down for you...
or on you, depending on the situation and your

Also you don't need 4 individuals to be a
Clench, your family can be one, you and your cats
can be one, you and your multiple personalities can
be one (as long as you buy each of them a

"When the going gets weird the weird get
organized"-- Saint Steve Jackson INWO

X Day Drill Ride Board

Praise the good Doktor Dynasor. The ride
board is up, and you can check it for rides, or offer
your services. It only provides you with the
contacts, the rest is up to you. You can reach it
directly at
or email Dr D <> with your


SubG ListServe Sort of.

We're going to start an Email List of people
who wish to have important messages injected directly into
their email boxes. Mostly it will be these and Rev.
Stang's updates. If you wish to be added to the list,
send a message with the words ADD TO

OK, there's more, but I have several nymphs in the
pool on top of this new building beckoning. Ahh,
life is tough. Praise Fuckin' "Bob".


Rev. J.C. "Steve" Bevilacqua
Business Manager, Sleazy Promoter
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Send $1.00 for more information on this fast growing cult!
PO Box 140306 Dallas, TX 75214
Fax: (214)324-0993 Credit card orders 1(888)669-2323


The Lord is not joking or hallucinating about that swimming pool full
nymphs! It's really there.

About the Clench Registry: GO FOR IT! Many SubGenii LOVE that "secret
clubhouse" aspect and we should have more of it -- more decoder rings,
secret handshakes, etc. I still believe that Dr. Drummond and I were
to broach that "Clench" idea in The Book of the SubGenius. That was
Dobbs directive and we have since learned why. No two SubGenii can
each other for more than an hour or two. True SubGenii ARE SIMPLY TOO
DIFFERENT, except of course in the cases of true Yeti Mates, where the
differences perfectly counterbalance each other. Thus, I expect that
of these Clenches will be Clenches more in name than in fact. But WHO
CARES? The more to scare the Pinks with. And certainly, any excuse to
you to send more money to the Church is a GOOD THING.

This ListServe thing that the Lord is talking about is not really a
majordomo/listserve type of set-up. It's just us mailing notices to a
string of "CC"s. HOWEVER, we should soon have the option of a new
SubGenius listserve situation, a la the noble The SubGenius Digest.
would go along with our new domain, our new email
names, etc. (That process is still dragging on for the simple reason
everybody involved has 18 jillion other things to do as well, and no
has FORCED us off SUNSite, YET.) I don't know that we NEED another
there's already alt.slack and The SubGenius Digest. But the Digest
sorta want to stay small, alt.slack being quite HUGE enough... I
dunno. I
just... don't know. I sure don't want to MODERATE anything and neither
Jesus, so if we do this thing it'll have to be low maintenence.

Rev. Eyre Rend has uploaded a huge NEW MESS of .wavs and RealAudio
clips to

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