We have been having local access server problems on this end, so I'm gonna send this through both the AOL and Metronet SubGenius accounts, just to be sure. (Metronet says they've fixed the problem and are puting a couple of fail-safes in place so it doesn't happen again.)

Things are just a wee bit HECTIC here at Church Central, as we gear up for the X-Day Drill in Sherman, NY. The Drill is looking better by the hour in terms of attendees as well as attendee-torture concepts. Our bulk mailing regarding the Drill appears to have made it to most Members last week, although folks in PA all got theirs yesterday. The mailing, and the fact that we CAN now take PLASTIC, seems to be producing enough orders to finance getting the mailing to the LEFT HAND side of the country as well as the foreigners.

There have been some major additions to SubSITE, the King God Hell Monkey of all SubGenius websites, even since the last time I mentioned it. The ART MINES have grown so much that we had to start drilling a new tunnel. Check out the new stuff from Sterno, Atom Funway Plastico, Popess Lilith and THE SCARIEST DOBBS HEAD EVER!!!

The sacred audio download renovation is finished and is now undergoing expansion; the relentless Rev. Eyre Rend is converting vast chunks of Media Barrage #10 to his patented super-WAVs, and thence to TrueSpeech. There are new Dobbsiasticized programs and games in the Funhouse. I am going to be busting ass for the next two days to try to refurbish even more sections before I leave for the Drill. So far I have been concentrating on the front end, the art and all the fancy high-tech stuff. Rev. John Searcy has begun scanning the incredibly large collection of artwork left over from Revelation X, and you'll be STARTLED by some of that. Next BIG changes will be a couple thousand pages of new interior text added, much of it copped from a.s. over the last year. Rev. Nickie took on the processing of most of that.

I HATE having to think ahead; I try to leave that to Dobbs. But I had to whip out two new Hours of Slack to compensate for the week at the Drill (I'll be recording fodder for 20 new shows there). Hours of Slack #534 and 535 are both X-DAY SPECIALS -- compilations of all the old and new devival rants, TV clips, soundbite collages, songs, etc., EVERYTHING about X-Day in our embarrassingly large stash, all re-mixed and jacked-with. It was inspiring to work with that footage from midnight to 8 am.

The Drill is looking GOOD. Rev. Susie the Floozie just informed me that she's driving up! THE SWINGIN' LOVE CORPSES will all be there except possibly for their drummer, Skippy "Mojo" Butcher. (NOTE: CHECK OUT PHILO'S WEBSITE! Legume's brass balls clanking in the wind should suffice for an SLC drum track. Lonesome Cowboy Dave will attend, which insures PureSpout. Papa Joe Mama and The Sexicutioner from GWAR are "go". Pope Sternodox unfortunately had an encounter with "THAYME," so he won't be there, and Dr. G Gordon Gordon has been called to a higher purpose by Dobbs, the lucky bastard. BUT Circus Apocalypse's ANDREW THE IMPALED will be there to do his dirty work IF somebody can give him a ride from Pittsburgh (contact me if you can). The alt.slack superstars are well represented by (from what I can tell) Dynasoar, Tarla, Lou, Pee Kitty, Godamighty I forget who-all else.... I haven't been able to read alt.slack much lately. King of Slack Bill T. Miller is hauling hisself in with evil Friday Jones. Rev. Eyre Rend... Rev. Genenia Grinder... we JUST this minute heard from Rev. "Id" McConville. Of course, many SubGenii we know only be the name on their checks have told us they're coming. If 50 people show up and pay their $25, the Foundation will break even.

All the new swag we've advertised will be there... the CDs, tapes, and even some new Dobbswear -- BLACK Dobbshead T-shirts and "Baby-Doll" T's. The new spare copies of THREE FISTED TALES OF "BOB" are going fast... we only have about 50 left already. Needless to say, The Foundation is supplying live Prairie Squid at our own expense. Those, and a shipment of Brazilian Face Fucking Bats are supposed to arrive by special courier on Friday along with the CDs.


There are some "rules" for the campground, mostly involving the recycling of trash and places NOT to go if you're buck naked (like the HIGHWAY). We can't guarantee that there will be food concessions, so bring food. Bring a COAT too, as it can get DANGED cold at night. DO NOT COME WHINING TO US THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A TENT. You will be very pleasantly surprised by Brushwood, however -- the pool and whirlpool tub are great, and the shower and Excremeditation facilities are excellent.

A couple of pagan ladies I know have taken me to task for promising NAKED PAGAN WITCH CHICKS because it was a guache thing to say. I forgot to mention to those ladies that they met their SubGenius HUSBANDS only because I talked that way about the Starwood events at Brushwood.

Speaking of which -- there's a Starwood website now:

(Contact me by email BEFORE TUESDAY if you can help.)

Andrew the Impaled needs a ride from Pittsburgh.
Rev. Charnitski could use a ride from the Eerie PA airport to Brushwood at 12:30 pm on July 3.
Id McConville could use a ride from the Eerie airport Friday morning around 11.

From Dallas, Jesus Christ will be driving the SubMobile Mazda MPV up to Sherman with all the swag, props and rudimentary sound recording equipment, along with Will O'Dobbs, Rev. Nickie, Rev. Matt, El Diablo (Rev. Ymmot Zepol), and someone else. (Who makes the rules? You'll find out!) That armored vehicle will stop at the Rainbow Gathering in the Ozarks on the way for swag disbursement.

There is NOT a devival planned for the Rainbow Gathering, contrary to rumors I have heard.

I'm flying to Cleveland in my private jet, whence I'll be escorted to Sherman by armed guard, along with the sacred devival paraphernalia that normally resides in Cleveland at the A.C.E. warehouse. I have to hold down the fort through Wed. night and Thursday until the Lord arrives... then I can Slack off.

Here is the schedule, the "program":

SERVICES at 7 am Sunday

That's it. There will be a P.A. and a tent. Various bands will have enough bits and pieces that collectively a sound system will be assembled. And if not, well, we'll YELL. A "stage" (the area under the giant tent) will be available day and night to anybody who wants to fight over it. The "newsgroup" or "internet" for the Drill will be the walls of the Four-Flusher Excremeditation Chambers, and the bathhouse. If you have something you want to present to the masses, then stick a flyer on the "bulliten boards" in those places.

We aren't going to put on any "show" that would distract from pure SubGenius personal interaction. For one thing, we're too lazy. "Shows" will develop constantly throughout the event, anyway. It'll be a psychodynamic freakshow; there's no point at all in planning anything until we get there.

Although we DO have some "things" PLANNED, anyway.

You DON'T want to miss Saturday night. LATE Saturday night. Nosirmaam. THAT you don't wanna miss. I have only the vaguest idea of what might happen but THAT ALONE... well, I expect something that'll be etched onto our lobes forever, for better or worse.

I have had a lot of experience with SubGenius events. The Devivals are one thing -- those are generally semi-scripted, staged showbiz, a necessary evil. A pretty damned COOL evil if you're on the right end of that stick. But there is an EFFECT that comes into play in the less formal SubGenius gatherings -- an INTENSE and inherently chaotic participation level. For instance -- during the Slack Crusade tour, most of the shows were very roughly the same. But in Pittsburgh, the juggled torches of Circus Apocalypse set off the fire alarms and we were all herded outside into the snow. WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE HERDING AND OUT IN THE SNOW WAS MORE PURE SUBGENIUS than anything else that happened throughout the entire tour. It's because of the CANTANKEROUSNESS of the SubGeniuses. Sure there are Bobbies, but even Bobbies can be entertaining, if not in the way they meant to be. The touch of Dobbs is more likely to be felt in the wayward corners of a devival than on the stage. This is a "given." Entire marriages and divorces have resulted from the Offstage Devival Effect.

This will be one of the great classic SubGenius events, I can already tell.

This weekend I am stricken with Involuntary Slack, however. I pulled some back muscles last week while Jesus and I were toting a hide-a-bed down some stairs to the Office Cave. (Either one of us could have levitated the damn thing, but NO, we had to be MACHO and SHOW OFF.) My ribs hurt for a couple of days but then it passed. This morning, however, I somehow threw everything out of whack again. Lemme tell you, Jesus is NOT all He's cracked up to be as a healer.* The upshot, however, is that I don't have to help them pack the van... I can just lay on a cot and direct the troop movements by megaphone. That's the good part. The bad part is that it HURTS to sit at the keyboard. Yet I can't WAIT for my fellow Foundation Emp-Loyees, Imp-Loyees, Limp-oy-eees, Hemp-Loyees and Shemp-Loyees to split so I can have a couple of days of peace and quiet for some SERIOUS SubSITE geeking-out.


* Jesus CLAIMS it's because I didn't ASK, and because I'm an unbeliever anyway.

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