>E-Mail Me at
>JP25956@swt.edu
>A Question of FAITH - Survey
>Who founded the religion? J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
>When? 1953
>Where? Unknown
>What text can one find the teachings? THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, REVELATION X (both Simon & Schuster)
>What is the ultimate goal of existence? SLACK.
>How does a believer relate to other faiths? WE WILL BURN THE INTOLERANCE OUT OF THEM.
>What is the first thing said to someone who is searching for Faith? "SEND $30 to PO BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214
>Explain the afterlife.
Those who send the $30 get three different perfect Utopian afterlives.
>Explain the afterlife of a non-believer. JUST LIKE THEIR CURRENT LIFE -- HELL.
>What is YOUR purpose in life? SLACK
>Where does your religion stand on premarital sex? What are the consequences for committing the act?
SQUIRTING, OOZING.
>The following are current issues of today's society. Please take a religious or philosophical stance, address the issue, state why that stance is taken, the consequences for doing it, and what repentance for the act would be.
>1) Abortion FINE UP TO AGE 50
>2) Adultery FINE FOR ALL ADULT AGES
>3) Anorexia / Bulimia GROSS
>4) Birth Control ONLY FOR HUMANS
>5) Dancing PREFERABLY NEKKID
>6) Dating WE SAY, "JUST GET STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING PART" 7) Divorce MORE EXPENSIVE THAN MARRIAGE
>8) Drug Use (medical & recreational - DRINKING IS INCLUDED!) ONLY THE BEST 9) Euthanasia FOR ALL NONBELIEVERS
>10) Fighting HATING IS ALMOST AS IMPORTANT. 11) Gambling YOU DO THAT WHEN YOU JOIN THE CHURCH 12) Homosexuality NO PROB WHATSOEVER
>13) Kissing YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING
>14) Lying (even a white lie) AT ALL TIMES 15) Masturbation THRICE A DAY IF POSSIBLE 16) Murder NOT NECESSARILY ALL THAT BAD IN SOME CASES 17) Music GWAR FUCKIN' RULZ DUDE!!!
>18) Pornography = Our BIBLE
>19) Recycling CANNIBALISM
>20) Stealing FROM THE UNBELIEVERS
>Does your religion have celebrations or Holidays? EVERY DAMNED DAY Which one is the most important and why? N/A How is it celebrated? SINNING
>What is meant to be achieved through the celebration? SLACK
>Briefly explain Creation? WHY EXPLAIN?
>What is the nature of evil? "BOB"
>What do YOU think is the ultimate fate of mankind? STORAGE IN LITTLE BLUE CANNISTERS IN "BOB'S" BASEMENT
>What does your religion teach about money and things of monetary value? MONEY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT SLACK
>What sorts of sacrifices are expected from the followers of this religion? (such as: fasting, wardrobe, diet, worldly possessions, etc.) JUST THE $30
>HYPOTHETICAL:
>You find the "magic lamp" and the genie agrees to give you ONE wish. What do you wish for?
SLACK
>You are in a convenience store, as you are making a purchase, someone comes in and robs the store. He shoots and kills the cashier. He then turns and points the gun at you. What do you do?
KISS MY ASS GOODBYE
>Who am I communicating with? Rev. Ivan Stang, Sacred Scribe, Church of the SubGenius (name and title if applicable)
>How long have you been associated with this group? 18 years
>What caused you to choose the path you have taken? A LACK OF SLACK
>Thank you for completing my survey. Your honesty has done me a great service. YOU THINK SO??
>By the way, if it is not possible for you to E-mail this info back to me, you may mail any information as well as survey results to me at:
>John Padgett
>827 Hopkins #3
>San Marcos Texas 78666
>Thanks again. - John Padgett
Original file name: SURVEY answers for a.s.
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