We have changed Our Mind(s). Without heeding the advice of any soul, We have rethought Our position and have now decided that the Pope of Berea, Sister Tarla, "Dad," Modemac, et al (sometimes known variously as the "Nice Nazis," "simpering limp-wristed liberals," etc.) are right, and that Dr. G. Gordon Gordon, Rev. Nickie Deathchick, Pope Sternodox Keckhaver, Col Sphinx Drummond, et al (sometimes known variously as "the assholes," "the arrogant assholes," "Stang's Buddies," etc.) have been insufferably rude and are wrong; and so We are embarking tomorrow (Saturday) morning for Austin for the express purpose of an Inquisition, Accounting and Judgement. We cannot legally rescind the order for the public beheading by buzz-saw of The Pope of Berea at X-Day Drill #1, which is unfortunate, and We would if We could, but We can at the very least slay and/or torture Gordon and his sycophantic minions in revenge for their torturing of this devoted Servant of Dobbs. If Dobbs were in the country this would not be possible, as Gordon has special ties to "Bob," having spent more money on the Church than any other Member with the sole exception of someone else; however, our sources inform us that Dobbs is overseas, and we can assume that by the time he returns, he will have forgotten Gordon's existence.

Likewise, Rev. Nickie shall not be allowed into the State of Texas nor its airspace, and we would expunge her name from The Book of Life but for the fact that her slave, the traitor Will O'Dobbs, has the encryption keys to the Sacred Mailing List Program Disk, "PFS File." The entity known as Pastor Craig is instructed to phone her relentlessly until she confesses.

We have reviewed Our records of the alt.slack civil war and have decreed that G.Gordon Gordon officially Started It with his unfair yet totally sincere assertion that there was "NOTHING" worthwhile on alt.slack, and that Rev. Nickie Deathchick has Made Things A Million Times Worse by being serious in her senseless attacks on many guiltless victims.

These doctrinally incorrect individuals will must be punished IN PERSON. We have taken on this very sacred quest as Our new Crusade.

We also plan to intercept the so-called "Pope" Sternodox enroute to Austin and force him to account for his terrible fiction and for the weeks he has spent offline since the civil war began.

The suspects known as Pappy Fuck and Co. Sphinx Drummond will also be interrogated and summarily demeritted as per the judgement results.

The aforementioned individuals will suffer having their Portraits removed from the special SubSITE Portraits Gallery section known as "The Coolest Studs and Studettes on alt.slack or ANY NEWSGROUP," to be replaced by Bobbies chosen at random from the unused "bad portraits" file, or else We will leave it empty but for a Nude Portrait of Ourself.

Let the Shaming begin anew. We are not alone in seeking this Reckoning. In Our Austin-bound entourage will also be the Lord God Jesus Christ, and someone else, as well as their retainers and dressers, and generals and their soldiers, as well as Wanda, the Samuels Brothers, and Bobby Free from up Jonesboro.

A full report on the Shaming will be forthcoming.

Back to document index

Original file name: Wheeled Death for GGG

This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.