The Paramus Manuscript was found, appropriately enough, in Paramus, New Jersey. It was seen being thrown out of the window of a taxicab parked at a Burger King, following a heated arguemant among the three passengers. The manuscript was recovered by Mr. Zed and deciphered in the lab. The job was a difficult one; although the manuscript was written in a degenerate form of Elizabethean English, the handwritting was almost unreadable. Here follows an excerpt from the first page of the 214 page manuscript:
"And LO among them the Dobbs performeth and ranteth (...ris) and (over) the
Brow of the AESIR; and as he turneth thus and turneth around and thus around
and then around and turneth around and spinneth through the toileth not.
(...under) the clouds that they riseth and falleth without thought to their
poroper movements, and (LO...). And the (elders) saw this and fell down. And
LO they were cast into a great pit and lamented: What hath (thus) befallen us?
(For...) LO, saith Dobbs saith LO ye sinners, ye be not of the (Pipe) as saith
Dobbs before all the multitudes from on high. Waileth (they...) under the
great serpent (that which...). O! (...) among thou hast slain them, that be of
the number twelve and the nember seven and without number from among the waves
of the sea. For runneth Dobbs from the hills to the place where he was not,
and returneth to that place from whence he came. (And the) kings of the
nations of the world saw this and begat great and mighty men, who lived thus a
score of (years), and then they died. For thou art made witness to they that
falleth into drunkenness, and they vomiteth forth all (manner) of vile
imprecations (...) the hordes of the wise men, who are yet fools, and who are
unto (...cloven) (...) the beast that slew the temple that begat those that are
on (high). And LO Dobbs was no longer among them, for he (had) hidden himself
amongst the stones of the mountains, and playeth, for that (...) saith
Eh-Eh-Eh. For he smoketh the Airs and causeth (them) to blow, and thus he
bareth hsi teeth, (though) he biteth not. (...and) are made slack and are thus
enslackened. And (...the elders) escaped the pit, and they fell down. For
they were (...) (...) LO to ye Dobbs man who verily art slack among (they) the
hypocrites who see the (...) AIEE. EYI.|
Saith JHVH: For I must know that which (...). And Dobbs made (water) amongst the many of the multitude of the people (of) all the (...) lands. And he became drunken fo the fruit of the vine (...) which causeth (them) to marvel, for they had not (...) (...) and (they...) (...) LO. And JHVJ spake, saying Wherefore art thou doing this thing which thou doest, (even) before the multitudes, andt the children of the Lords of the Mighty? (And) Dobbs spake not, (...) of good cheer and the peace that is like unto Wor."
However, a page fell out of the folio holding the manuscript, and after several hours I managed to decipher it myself:
"And the Lord returned to the world his house, and he beheld what his
caretakers had wrought. And he waxed wroth and he spake, saying, "What is this
that thou hast done here in my house? I had prepared this place for thy comfor
t and delight before I left, and LO hast thou befouled it. For thou hast peed
upon my rih carpets and inscribed fould inprecations upon my tapestries, and
what hath died in here?"|
"And the people said, "Lord, thou art unjust , for canst thou not see that we have been playing at cops and robbers?"
"And the Lord fell down, and a sound as of the birds of the air came from his head."
'Nuff said, at least for now.
Rev. Herr Doktor Christopher Glenn Gross, A. A., A. S.
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