LEASE YOUR SOUL to 'BOB" for SAFEKEEPING! - watch the "interest" GROW and GROW!
YOU'LL NEVER GET A BETTER DEAL
The SubGenius material has only recently been made public. This is YOUR chance to get in on the ground floor of a huge, lucrative cult -- NOW, while rates are low. You will then be eligible for all the $$$, weird sex, and SHEER POWER OVER OTHERS that go with high-ranking membership in the Church. And yes, YOU CAN PERFORM LEGAL WEDDINGS!
Overcome shyness and guilt with this fantastic replacement for a huge penis or "perfect" breasts. Read THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL and learn not only the Word of Dobbs but also ways to contact, buy from, and sell to the incredible (yet real!!) network of SubGenii and subsymps everywhere. Learn of local revivals, other secret societies, UNUSUAL PRODUCTS, Other Mutants. THIS IS NO FAKE. Puts you "in charge" of your life. You'll be READY the next time your face is on fire. Quick Condown Clampspiracy release. Easy on delicate tissues... no danger of runaway infection.
You get:
 Pamphlets #1 & 2
Your Own Personal 8x10 suitable-for-framing DOBBSHEAD
Official Dobbshead Metal Pin
Dobbshead Sticker
The SubGenius Pledge
The Divine Excuse (signed by "Bob"!)
(WHAT OTHER RELIGIONS CHARGE ALL WORLDLY GOODS FOR!!!)
Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY. Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob")
Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers
Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
Minister's Ordination papers and instructions.
The STARK FIST of Removal online
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)
This is the only way to get on the Mailing List of the Chosen, pierce the shroud of secrecy insulating the cult, and obtain such privileges as befit membership in a secret society of this scope. And all of it, including the surgery, can be done BY MAIL. Everything is kept STRICTLYCONFIDENTIAL (unless you want your local Clench listed). And don't worry about the diseases
-- they're part of the satire, too!
If he hasn't seen your $30, you're still "Pink" to "Bob."
SIGN UP NOW AND SAVE $5000!!
Order Now and be INSTANTLY ORDAINED
REGARDING GIFT ORDAINMENTS: Our shopping cart has a "ship to" option so that we can bill you but send the package to someone else. The recipient fills out the necessary forms, so don't worry about your name being engraved on something meant for another person. Thanks and Praise "Bob."
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