I got an email yesterday. I probably shouldn't give my informant's name out "just in cae." But here's what he sent me:
Date: Fri, Jan 20, 1995 1:36 AM CST
From: (CENSORED FOR HIS PROTECTION FROM AOL)
Subj: What the hell is THIS, you say?
I just read this in the "Wired SubGenius" area ((of America Online)). Came out of nowhere.
Subj: the REAL subgenius 95-01-18 22:04:12 EST
I am writing a book on the true history of the Church of the Subgenius and its ties to the Weather Underground, the Sendera Luminosa and other fringe radical groups. If anyone that has not already contacted me has any information about the Church or its core members, please write to me. For obvious reasons, privacy and anonymity will be strictly respected. -firstname.lastname@example.org
My first reaction was to think, "Well, I'll just give him Stang's email address"--quickly followed by "Sure...that's JUST what Stang needs." I leave it to you.
PS. Who is this guy talking about?
That's the letter I got.
OH MAN!! I thought I'd seen EVERYTHING.
Obviously, this alert citizen and master detective has figured out a whole bunch of things NONE of us knew about. He must already have deduced that, although the address, phone number, & email address of the main Church evildoers are plastered all over everything we've ever published or sent out, TO ASK US WOULD DO NO GOOD as we would merely keep telling our cover story about how this is just a joke, no, just a religion, no, just a joke, no,... etc.
Our fiendishly clever tactic of dropping red herrings pointing him to the Weather Underground and Sendera Luminosa will surely keep him from discovering our REAL ties to the Symbionese Liberation Army, the Branch Davidians, the Illuminati, the CIA and the Flat Earth Society!! THE PITIFUL BUMBLING FOOL! By the time he's on to us, THE GLOBE WILL BE OURS!!!
Whoever it was who "already contacted" this MRosencleo guy, I'd like to SHAKE HIS HAND.
And I think we should ALL contact him and tell him EVERYTHING WE KNOW about Nenslo's Mafia connection, Wellman's SFPD narc squad connection, Gordon's "black ops" work, Mavrides' "ins" with the IRS, Drummond's arms sales to Khomeini, Stang's secret love affair with Senator Phil Gramm, Legume's Hells Angels history, etc. etc. But let's not be ABSURD with it. Keep messages as plausible as possible. Vagueness helps. If we try to be "funny" with him it'll blow the prank. Of course, he might be watching this space, but if what he posted to WIRED was indeed meant seriously, he's probably TOO DUMB to have noticed that alt.slack even exists! (We must keep in mind the possibility that he's NOT serious, but merely a good SubGenius who's good at SOUNDING like a paranoid nut.)
"Weather Underground." Hmmmph. Those wimps didn't go NEARLY far enough. I resent being associated with half-assedly violent radicals.
That's "email@example.com" or, if you're ON America Online, you poor bastards, it's just "MRosencleo." For obvious reasons, privacy and anonymity should be strictly respected.
AT LAST, A QUEST!!
Rev. Ivan Stang
Sendera Luminosa Grand Chieftain, Lodge #7,876
Remember, The SubGenius Foundation and my office MUST be reached now at:
(firstname.lastname@example.org is a thing of the past. The shameful past.)
WHOOPS! I almost FORGOT! -- another example of Church Truth inspiring Laughable Gullibility:
Our friend Steve runs THE FLYING LEMUR, a wonderful bookstore for weirdos in Lakewood, Ohio (Cleveland area). Lots of people hang out there and yak about the same oddball subjects as the books Steve sells. So these young folks come in and start telling Steve they're worried about their friends. Seems the "friends" have kind of gone over the edge about some impending saucer landing... they've heard something BIG is going to happen July 7 or 5 or something in 1998, and they're throwing a rave near Akron in a week, for which they're building a giant wooden pyramid, to contact the aliens or some such. Anyway, these guys are telling Steve, their friends are off the deep end. Steve says, "Aw, they're just SubGeniuses! You're being put on. See, here, this book, REVELATION X..." And the kids look at it and say, yeah, that's the date alright, July 5 1998, but their friends haven't mentioned anything about this "Bob" guy or this Church or any of this stuff, they're DEAD SERIOUS about it, somebody convinced them about this alien thing, and now they're acting like nuts, building landing strips. THEY REALLY HAD NEVER HEARD OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.
This is a case of a tiny PORTION of Dobbs' teachings getting taken out of context and WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUNG POEBUCKER MINDS!!
So Steve figured out a way to turn it around. He's gonna show up at this Akron rave wearing a nice 3-piece suit, carrying a briefcase, his hair hidden, and walk up to the deluded kids in charge (their having been pointed out to him in advance), and say to each of them, ""Bob" told me to give you this -- he said it had your name on it" -- and give them each a Pamphlet #1. And then disappear.
The idea of innocent dumbass Akron redneck kids worshipping Xists, waiting faithfully for X-Day, BUT WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE NECESSARY TO GET THEM A SUBGENIUS MEMBERSHIP CARD BY X-DAY -- that's a sad thought, friends.
We have to look after the young ones and the lame and infirm of mind.
Rev. Ivan "Angel of Mercy & Light" Stang
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