"X-DAY IN WONDERLAND"

That's what Princess Wei called this devival, because it really was like a good chunk of X-Day Drill at its best, only indoors. It was largely the same people both onstage and off. It was so X-Day-like that the X-Day regulars who weren't there were missed.

From my point of view it was one of the best devivals ever, on all counts. Turnout was great, venue was great, performances were great, sales were great, and best of all, unlike X-Day, I wasn't in charge. All I HAD to do was rant and perform a wedding!

For many of us the devival really started Saturday afternoon (Oct. 9, 2010) at a classic old-school diner called Jackson Hole, which serves gigantic eat-the-hell-out-of-able burgers of every description. It, the Wonderland Collective building where the show was held, and the hotel (Fairview Astoria! Whooo!) were all within walking distance of each other, and some of us did a lot of healthful, sweaty walking between the three.

No, come to think of it, the party may have started Friday night when several clenches and solo clenches hit that hotel. The Duke of Uke and Susie the Floozie got there before we did and iDRMRSR arrived soon after. The FEDCOMs crew also landed there, Pope and Mrs. Exmortis, and their friends Mr. and Mrs. Sloth, and Rev. ChrisMock. That was a nice hotel aside from the "no smoking" rule. Made smoking a little more exciting.

The front desk girls got to be our friends. They were intrigued by the fact that several of their new guests were sporting the same strange t-shirt design. No, not the Dobbshead shirts, but the iDRMRSR shirts made by IMBJR. "Hey, you have that shirt too!" Imagine their amazement when the subject of the logo-face shirt himself checked in. "Oh my god, you have that FACE!"

For some reason our Mac laptop could not access the hotel's wifi, so we had to use the hotel's "business computers" for guests. In testing whether she was online, Wei tried to pull up subgenius.com, only to learn that "This website is blocked due to content for our guest's convenience." That was COOL! We had never before experienced having SubSITE blocked from us. Made us feel important!

WONDERLAND is a perfect place for a devival. They even have a kitchen! -- which meant that world famous chef Pope David Lee Black, after an adventurous trip around the city for supplies, was able to cook up a truly unforgettable chicken tandoori and curry dinner which, I believe, served everybody. In other words, for their $10 admission, SubGeniuses got not only the devival, but dinner, and in many cases probably got drunk and "fropped" for free. There's a huge roof/balcony place attached to Wonderland that, due to the PERFECT weather, and the generosity of the Doktors, made up for all the "no-smoking" aspects of the hotel.

I suppose it is okay now to reveal something Sifu told me of, which he was keeping secret from his wife and almost everybody else. During the entire devival, there was a stealthy squad of retired and off-duty Green Berets standing guard around the perimeter as security, all night. Luckily, they were not needed.

DID ANY OF YOU SEE THEM? That's how good they are.

I finally had a good place to show off both the "I [KONG] NY" t-shirt that Lord Cyclohexane gave me and the "I [DOBBSHEAD] NY" shirt that Rev. Pan Demonium made last X-Day Drill.

Rev. Jimbo de Limbo opened the show and basically M.C.ed the whole thing. We have not seen him do much ranting before, so I was a little surprised to see how confident and funny he was at the pulpit! At one point in the proceedings he had to kill time between acts, and he pulled off an extemporaneous Q&A session that almost rivaled Ask Dr. Hal!

Along with the 13s, and FEDCOMS, he was a main organizer of this devival as well, and by Gobbs, I don't know how we'll ever do without him at ANY devival henceforth. He was on top of everything. Actually I suppose there are ladies who wish he had been on top of them. Rev. Jimbo is a tall, very handsome and well-spoken young man, the kind you at first can't understand being part of SubGenius. Once you get to know him you catch on that he is much, much weirder than he looks.

A lot of the NYC "GFY" Clench is like that. Rev. Sifu, now him I could understand. But the first time I saw Rev. Back It On Up at an X-Day Drill, my first thought was, "Why is she at a SubGenius event?" But, people used to wonder that about Dr. G. Gordon Gordon and even Dr. Philo Drummond back in the day. And, to our endless astonishment, each year more new gorgeous women inexplicably continue to appear in the pews.

Some of us, it's OBVIOUS why we're into SubGenius. Pope Sinphaltimus Exmortis, founder of FEDCOMS, is such a person. He did no less than THREE separate presentations at the devival. The first was a multimedia presentation that was basically about the basics of the "GFY" or more properly the "WHY DON'T YOU GO AND FUCK YOURSELF" concept relative to basic Church doctrine. He came up later and played guitar (or something loud), accompanied by his friend The Heretic. The Heretic is a legendary figure, the guy who first turned Sinphaltimus on to the Church, a creator of videos and other things so very weird and fucked up that I quail in their bulldadaness, yet who never joined the Church because he is a TRUE NON-JOINER.

I got to meet this fellow, and his HAWT fiance, for the first time, and I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of them. I now have a copy of the Heretic DVD and I am afraid to watch it. I have already seen many shorts by The Heretic. They drill into your eyes and spew acid into your brainpan.

Later in the evening, Sinphaltimus attempted to make some kind of commentary on the night's wedding ceremony, only to be interrupted by his arch-enemy/former friend, Lord Sloth, who, inspired by Dr. Legume's Rape Parable told last X-Day Drill, seized Exmortis from behind and had him and had him and had him, until his drawers were bloodied tatters... all of this in full view of the audience and YouTube cameras.

But, back to the devival schedule. There was one! -- and, strangely, it was clung to religiously, WITHOUT OUR TRYING TO GO BY IT. The Big Boss of This Area has powers none of us will ever understand.

FAT FREE from Brooklyn was the first, and possibly most normal, band, and yet they are really not very normal at all. I wish our recordings did them justice. But you'd just have to... see... them... They've performed at the last 3 or 4 X-Days and are beloved by the SubGeniuses. But they spread a kind of contagion. Anyone who comes near a Fat Free performance will, the next day, find dozens of little plastic "grey aliens" with tiny PARACHUTES stuffed into all their pockets and other orifices. I am still shaking little plastic aliens out of shirt pockets, boxes, unsold SubG t-shirts, etc.

Did I mention the audience? There was one! I recognized at least half the people there. Dr. Dark and Her Highness Hellno came all the way from Cleveland, as did iDRMRSR; Dr. Legume was there with Rev. Pockets on his arm, Rev. Pickles, Rev. Anna Dynamite, Baz Otherwise, Rev. Bunny Day, Rev. Magic Mist and that "Clint" guy she's with, Rev. Panik, Rev. Bug... and many more who weren't in the photos I use for a memory. Rev. Nickie Deathchick and "No-Quotes Bob" Wild ran the Swag Sales table, bless their hearts. For the first time I met the lady who tattooed that flaming Dobbshead on Sifu's butt at X-Day 1998, The Sicker Vicar, a dancing machine from Bizarria named Flux, and... the new Sacred Agent, Rev. Gary Heidt! I had totally forgotten that NYC was also the town where things like MY FUCKING AGENT are! Go figure.

We Kook Watchers also had a good time. There was a skinny, humorless, goggle-eyed geek who, when asked at the door for his $10, demanded, "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" We now know him as the "Don't You Know Who I Am" guy. There's always one. After the show he was lurking around trying to learn where the after party was, and he informed me that "the audience was all Bobbies but you guys did a good show," which is the kind of thing that Bobbies always say.

Also, the alt.slack pest and perennial Deanie known as "Kigye" was there and purchased a Membership! I didn't realize he had been there until I was processing the credit card payments later.

Wei and I spent a lot of the devival backstage with Rachel Maddow. The less said about that, the better.

The first real sermon per se was delivered by the Crazy Reverend Jim Jones, very well delivered, and then Rev. Susie the Floozie had everybody up and hooting with her excellent sermon. I remember thinking, "I wish Rev. Chris Lee was here; there is a Chris-Lee-shaped hole in this devival," when just at that moment Rev. Susie whipped out a GIANT CHECK that Rev. Lee had written to the GFY Clench as a donation! I am not kidding -- it was a GIANT check. The amount was only $13.13, but the check was at least 3x4 feet in size. (It was created on posterboard at short notice by Dream Manifester Susie.) This was presented to Rev. BIOU in a ceremony that looked like an ocean-liner christening.

The new SubGenius preacher Rev. Jannus Blackseed, who was such a hit at X-Day, appeared in a KILLER Pope outfit and laid out a fine sermon. Pope David Lee Black, having served everyone a mass miracle meal, introduced the next performer by way of a blistering rant that shamed anybody who has yet to donate their $30 love offering for Ordainment. In fact he got Lon Milo Duquette ordained right then and there before that good fellow sang.

Rev. Lon Milo Duquette has performed at Starwood and is a fellow perfesser at Maybe Logic Academy with me, but we had never met and I had never heard his funny Tom Lehrer-like songs! But, thanks to the Hour of Slack, you will soon.

The Duke of Uke had the whole audience up on their feet and singing along with him. He does acoustic covers of huge famous pop, rock, punk and metal radio hit songs, on a ukulele, and NO ONE CAN RESIST, it seems.

I followed the Duke with what I had meant to be a short sermon, although I see by the recordings that it went on for at least 23 minutes. For some reason, no matter how serious the subjects I addressed, everybody there just laughed and laughed. I don't know what I am doing wrong.

With great pride I introduced Rev. Phat Man Dee from Pittsburgh, a chanteuse and torch singer I have known since she was but a mere teenager. Normally she performs with a band, but this time she had her band on an MP3 player. Hour of Slack listeners have heard a smattering of her artistry, but she also puts on a very visual show. She wears these amazing dresses, and make-up, and yes she is pretty fat, so there's lots of dress and make-up, and even more talent. Princess Wei joined her for a duet singing the Theme from Star Trek (which actually has words by Gene Roddenberry -- awful, awful lyrics). Phat Man Dee was followed by the great spazz-rock arteest, Rev. Tommy Amoeba, who happens to be ManDee's husband, and while not boasting quite the pipes that Man Dee has, uses even better costumes and a fucking marvelous routine. It was not the first time We/I've wept at the end of a Tommy Amoeba/Phat Man Dee joint performance. They are a truly inspirational weirdo couple.

Finally came the real climax of the evening, the actual legal wedding of the couple known as Rev. 808 and Rev. Gigglepuss. I was most honored to be the minister who got to perform this wedding. Rev. 808 has been an X-Day fixture since I dunno when, a decade probably, and his gorgeous bride Rev. Gigglepuss has been around for a while too.

I was in the dressing room when Rev. Gigglepuss took off her street clothes and put on her wedding dress. Now, we're all X-Day Drill vets and I've probably seem most of these younger SubGeniuses nekkid at some point or another. But by Gobbs, I must say. I was dumbstruck. Rev. Gigglepuss has just about the finest tits I have ever seen in my life. I didn't have the nerve to say this to her at the time, plus, it probably would have creeped her out majorly. But I later told her husband of my admiration.

Anyway. It was a MODEL SubGenius (legal) wedding. I used some of the mushy wedding stuff I first worked up for Nickie and Bob Wild, but since none of the parents or family were there, I also threw in the funnier stuff plus an incredible lecture written by NENSLO about the Facts of Life, of Face Fucking Bat and Prairie Squid life cycles and how they intersect with Yetinsyn life cycles. Just as things were building to a climax, two things occurred which would have been nightmarish and horrible at any other wedding:

a) Lord Sloth ran up and grabbed Rev. Gigglepuss and attempted to rape her and rape her and rape her from behind. Rev. 808 initially tried to interfere but then joined in by raping and raping and raping Lord Sloth from behind while he raped and raped Gigglepuss. When Sinphaltimus joined in by raping 808 from behind, the audience witnessed perhaps the first 4-way rape scene marital pile-up ever.

b) the power died.

Yes, the wedding was so emotional and heartfelt, and involved so much fervent groping and making-out and orgozmonic radiation, that it blew a fuse and we lost all light and amplified mics and speakers. Not a problem! Flashlights and lighters were brought to bear for illumination, and I (being a bit deaf, and a preacher) can YELL REAL LOUD. So we finished up the ceremony just as the lights returned.

((IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: the next day, while Wei and I recuperated in our hotel room, watching cable TV (something we do only in hotels), we saw a commercial for a cel phone in which a fellow uses his cel phone TO HEROICALLY RESTORE ELECTRICAL POWER AT A WEDDING WHERE THE POWER HAS FAILED.))

Rev. Two Beans, as "DJ2B," let the devival end easy with a nice set of, how you say, "dub-step" or something like that, some kind of lulling trance-dance electronic music. At 2 a.m. we had to run the rubes out of the facility and clean up the place, and find rides for the abandoned and the bereft, and count the swag money. Clean-up was made more interesting by the volumes of "Go Fuck Yourself" confetti manufactured by Wei at FEDCOMs, and the endless ribbons of red, white and blue crepe paper that is always left following Tommy Amoeba's performance. He wraps the whole audience in it.

And that is the other part of our report: WHAT WE DID ON OUR FALL VACATION. If you've seen that beginning part, jump next to THE NY MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY.

-- Rev. Ivan Stang with Princess Wei 'R.' Doe

RAW UNEDITED AUDIO FROM THE NYC "GFY" DEVIVAL

We provide these MP3 files mainly for the performers, for fanatics and for those SubGeniuses who were there and yet still want a souvineer, or perhaps any memory at all of the event. These aren't professional recordings and they are incomplete at the beginning. The nature of the recording (a good location recorder with one mic by the PA and one getting the room) doesn't hurt the preachers as much as it does the bands. Some preachers harangue louder than do others.

More polished selected edits of the devival audio will be featured on HOUR of SLACK radio shows in Nov. 2010.

Infinite thanks for sponsoring the whole thing to the Go Fuck Yourself Clench of NYC: Rev. Sifu 13, Rev. Ramona Back It on Up 13, Rev. Jimbo de Limbo, FEDCOMS and all their friends

And thanks to Chef Pope Black for cooking incredible tandoori chicken and curry for everybody!

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