----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brushwood Main Procedure
procedure(bushwood_main);
; Swingin' Love Corpses main routine for Brushwood X-Day Drill 1996
; written in swingin' pseudocode by Dr. Lafe Kowabunga
; a note to all you would-be geeks that take my uncompiled,
; untested, non-existent pseudocode to task for
; some little piece of coding minutia you picked up from reading a
; tutorial in PC magazine - fuck off and go get a life
;
; not all variables are declared ("duuuhhhhh")
; for entertainment only
; if some genius decides there is an error and we don't leave the loop
; and stay at Brushwood then I guess I'm
; smarter than you are (heh heh heh)
;
declare proc frap (alias "habafropazipulous"
external by value
arg "how_much",
"how_long")
declare proc jam (alias "jam_your_fucking_ass_off"
external by value
arg "how_long",
"how_outside",
"how_loud")
declare proc make_spew_tapes (alias "never_mix_them_down"
external by value
arg "how_long")
declare proc drink_Stag_Beer (alias "Beats_Budweiser"
external by value
arg "how_much")
declare var out_of_frap boolean
declare var time_to_go_home boolean
declare var starting_frap_amount decimal
declare var departure_time time
; initialize some values
out_of_frap = no
time_to_go_home = no
starting_frap_amount = 344495.6
; boolean out_of_frap is set by called procedure and returned
; globally, undeclared 'cause I'm a lazy fuck
;
; you can modify this later and interactively input how much 'frap
; to smoke, how long to smoke it, how long to jam, etc.
; main loop logic
;
; Keep doing it until out of frap or it's time to leave.
; Start out checking if it's break time, immediately smoke
; some 'frap and then see how much you've got left.
; If you're out then hit the fucking road; else check and
; see how your day is going in the case construction I have
; conveniently provided for you to add on to.
;
; So, if you're not out of frap and no one has stolen all your
; slack or it's not two weeks PAST the time you
; were supposed to leave then party on, gnarly dude
; Then you jam for a while and check if you need a beer or a break. If
; so then make some spew tapes and drink some Stag beer whether
; you need it or not (Lafe's rules of engagement).
;
; Go back to top of loop; take a break immediately; and repeat the process.
; I hope there's some way out of this loop, else cpu charges will be high.
; We may never run out of frap, but since I haven't written the "frap"
; procedure yet it's hard to say.
; party until you DIE, starting HERE
do until (out_of_frap OR time_to_go_home)
do until (time_to_take_a_break)
call frap(2,10)
if out_of_frap then
time_to_go_home = yes
else
; You can add other extenuating circumstances here easily.
; Create a file containing an extenuating circumstance on each line,
; then write a subroutine to evaluate how your day is going, read the
; file, and compare all the bad shit in the file with your expertly coded
; assessment of how things are going.
;
; Real Studs would see how many lines are in the file, allocate some memory
; based on how many lines are in it, dynamically declare a one-dimensional array
; with the number of elements equal to the number of lines in the file of BAD SHIT.
; Alternatively you could read the file, concatenate all the bad shit into one long
; text string and use some string handling functions to parse out the BAD SHIT.
;
select (other_extenuating_circumstances)
when "Losing Slack"
time_to_go_home = yes
when "Wife is Pissed Off"
time_to_go_home = yes
when dateinterval(today,date(XDay) - yeardate(XDayDrillDate) = "2 weeks"
time_to_go_home = yes
when "Bobbies Outnumber Cool Guys"
time_to_go_home = yes
when "The MAN searches vehicle and finds your 'frap"
time_to_go_home = yes
when "Bespectacled fuck meat is dried up"
time_to_go_home = yes
when "Lafe blows up cheesy PA system"
time_to_go_home = yes
otherwise
do
call Drink_Stag_Beer ("36")
call frap("4.3", "200")
end
end
if time_to_go_home then EXIT "BUMMED"
else
do
call jam (33,11.6)
if (really_tired OR need_a_beer) then
do
time_to_take_a_break = yes
call make_spew_tape(30)
call drink_Stag_Beer (7)
; don't forget to reset switch else YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ON BREAK!!!!!
; same here or YOU'LL ALWAYS BE DRINKING STAG BEER!!!
time_to_take_a_break = no
need_a_beer = no
end
end
end
end proc (brushwood_main)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Image]I Got That Chainsaw in My Bed Blues Again, Mama, Inc.
P.O. Box 242 Station B
St. Louis, Missouri , 63011-2411 USA
Email: philo@corpses.com
WWW: http://www.corpses.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Designed and authored by Retardo-Media, Inc..
Last Updated: June 23, 1996
This page was created using Whipped-Back Skinner Sleds Version 1.1
Copyright © 1996 Algorithms and Technology R Us Software Group and Freddy
Tuffgui
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original file name: Lafe's X-Day Rules
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.