Lafe's Rules of Engagement for X-Day Drill 1996

[Those DEADLY Corpses]


Brushwood Main Procedure


; Swingin' Love Corpses main routine for Brushwood X-Day Drill 1996

; written in swingin' pseudocode by Dr. Lafe Kowabunga

; a note to all you would-be geeks that take my uncompiled,

; untested, non-existent pseudocode to task for

; some little piece of coding minutia you picked up from reading a

; tutorial in PC magazine - fuck off and go get a life


; not all variables are declared ("duuuhhhhh")

; for entertainment only

; if some genius decides there is an error and we don't leave the loop

; and stay at Brushwood then I guess I'm

; smarter than you are (heh heh heh)


declare proc frap (alias "habafropazipulous"

external by value

arg "how_much",


declare proc jam (alias "jam_your_fucking_ass_off"

external by value

arg "how_long",



declare proc make_spew_tapes (alias "never_mix_them_down"

external by value

arg "how_long")

declare proc drink_Stag_Beer (alias "Beats_Budweiser"

external by value

arg "how_much")

declare var out_of_frap boolean

declare var time_to_go_home boolean

declare var starting_frap_amount decimal

declare var departure_time time

; initialize some values

out_of_frap = no

time_to_go_home = no

starting_frap_amount = 344495.6

; boolean out_of_frap is set by called procedure and returned

; globally, undeclared 'cause I'm a lazy fuck


; you can modify this later and interactively input how much 'frap

; to smoke, how long to smoke it, how long to jam, etc.

; main loop logic


; Keep doing it until out of frap or it's time to leave.

; Start out checking if it's break time, immediately smoke

; some 'frap and then see how much you've got left.

; If you're out then hit the fucking road; else check and

; see how your day is going in the case construction I have

; conveniently provided for you to add on to.


; So, if you're not out of frap and no one has stolen all your

; slack or it's not two weeks PAST the time you

; were supposed to leave then party on, gnarly dude

; Then you jam for a while and check if you need a beer or a break. If

; so then make some spew tapes and drink some Stag beer whether

; you need it or not (Lafe's rules of engagement).


; Go back to top of loop; take a break immediately; and repeat the process.

; I hope there's some way out of this loop, else cpu charges will be high.

; We may never run out of frap, but since I haven't written the "frap"

; procedure yet it's hard to say.

; party until you DIE, starting HERE

do until (out_of_frap OR time_to_go_home)

do until (time_to_take_a_break)

call frap(2,10)

if out_of_frap then

time_to_go_home = yes


; You can add other extenuating circumstances here easily.

; Create a file containing an extenuating circumstance on each line,

; then write a subroutine to evaluate how your day is going, read the

; file, and compare all the bad shit in the file with your expertly coded

; assessment of how things are going.


; Real Studs would see how many lines are in the file, allocate some memory

; based on how many lines are in it, dynamically declare a one-dimensional array

; with the number of elements equal to the number of lines in the file of BAD SHIT.

; Alternatively you could read the file, concatenate all the bad shit into one long

; text string and use some string handling functions to parse out the BAD SHIT.


select (other_extenuating_circumstances)

when "Losing Slack"

time_to_go_home = yes

when "Wife is Pissed Off"

time_to_go_home = yes

when dateinterval(today,date(XDay) - yeardate(XDayDrillDate) = "2 weeks"

time_to_go_home = yes

when "Bobbies Outnumber Cool Guys"

time_to_go_home = yes

when "The MAN searches vehicle and finds your 'frap"

time_to_go_home = yes

when "Bespectacled fuck meat is dried up"

time_to_go_home = yes

when "Lafe blows up cheesy PA system"

time_to_go_home = yes



call Drink_Stag_Beer ("36")

call frap("4.3", "200")



if time_to_go_home then EXIT "BUMMED"



call jam (33,11.6)

if (really_tired OR need_a_beer) then


time_to_take_a_break = yes

call make_spew_tape(30)

call drink_Stag_Beer (7)

; don't forget to reset switch else YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ON BREAK!!!!!


time_to_take_a_break = no

need_a_beer = no




end proc (brushwood_main)

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Last Updated: June 23, 1996
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