Report on the Rainbow Gathering From Jesus

...on the Road to X-Day Drill...!!!

Date: 4 Jul 1996 03:21:03 GMT

X-Day Drill Update

Welcome Home.
We Love You.

Well, we are sitting in air conditioned luxury in St. Louis, being hand fed custard and watching the Simpsons at Dr-o Dekso Pantonolo Sister's place.

It's quite a welcome change from the 2 days of preaching the word of "Bob" to
the unwashed masses at this years' continuing conspiracy mind control experiment --

Code Name: RAINBOW GATHERING. Even impervious, diehard haters of the
Con such as ourselves, had a few close calls of falling prey to Their schemes.

Oh BTW, the caravan of slack consists of: Myself, Rev. Nickie Deathchick,
Will O' Dobbs, Dr-o. Dekso Pantonolo, El Diablo, and someone else.
El Diablo was the most experienced as far as the *experiment* was concerned yet he was also the one I was most worried about. His chameleon-like qualities are so refined that at times he SEEMS almost indistinguishable from Them. However, he IS true SubGenius...or possibly a double agent.

It's painful to describe all the horrors we were subjected to in the 48 hours that we remained in the Ozark foothills. The Conspiracy is definitely a few steps ahead of us in their brain washing techniques.

It began with a 6 mile walk, gear strapped to our backs, through the noonday sun. They only allowed hiking during the day between 10 and 4. There was NO water, unless you wanted to drink the "special" water They provided for you that ran though hoses throughout the campsite. If you were to follow the hoses (as I did) you would find that they led to the end of camp were two "hippies" prevented your further exploration.

In fact the entire perimeter was laced in pink ribbon, and guards. Sure they looked like harmless, dirt covered, toothless, vagabonds. And if it wasn't for the walkie- talkies, and '96 minivans they drove around I might have bought into it.

I did my best to play along,but Rev. Nickie experimented with another tactic. She decided to lead by example. While the attendees frolicked around topless, in skirts, bells, and flowers, Rev. Nickie remained clad in black Death Metal T-shirts, spiked heels, and 6 inch ebony finger nails. Needless to say, They were offended by her non-conformity -- and even though they muttered the empty words "I Love You" when she passed, Their eyes were filled with hate and distrust.

Did I mention the bathing facilities or restrooms?...No?.. That's because there WEREN'T ANY!

Exhausted from heat exposure, covered in dirt and sweat, filled with the tainted water, you were expected to climb a hill were you had to perform excremeditation in full site of your Rainbow Brothers and Sisters while standing up! Needless to say this was degrading; and made it impossible to carry out the most sacred of SubGenius rituals.

Most offensive to me was the anti-Patriopsychotic Anarchomaterialistic attitude. In short, Money was not permitted and acutely frowned upon.

Jesus: "How much is a hair braid"
Filthy Hippie: "Oh they're not for sale but we can trade"
JC: "Ok How 'bout I trade you 5 of these pretty green pieces of art with the president on them?"
FH: "You got any sticky bud?"
JC: "No how about some frop"
FH: (Empty look of disappointment, and confusion)

As you can see it was a hell on earth -- but we were unfaltering in our faith and continued to spread the word of "Bob" saving a few souls along the way.

There's too much to explain here:

The Hairy Krishnas, *A* Camp: the True and most Spiritual of the Rainbows, the unleashed, wild, Nazi-middle-earth-hell-spawn, canines....

Oh, I almost forgot that one of us (I won't mention names), got caught up in the spirit of "Bob" and preached naked, up to her ankles in a stream, while the burned out throw backs gawked in amazement.

All I have to say is that next year we WILL be prepared. This atrocity can no longer continue unexposed.

We WILL raise the dome to "Bob".
We WILL bring in air conditioning, color TV, flush toilets, and hot showers.
We WILL accept Cash, Mastercard, and Visa. We WILL erect a banner proudly stating:


OK Rev. Nickie is bugging the shit, out of me over my creative speeling gammar, and use of comas.

See you at X-day, I understand the Prairie Squid is secure. Expect us to be well rested and overflowing with Hate from this experience.

Here's Rev. Nickie......

I now can honestly say that I have a superior hatred of hippies.

G. Gordon Liddy never hated them as much as I do, mainly because he probably never had to live with them.

Hey, how do you hide money from a hippie? Stick it up their ass with a quarter stick and blow their ass away.

Or something, I forget how it really goes, but that's my new version.

People kept saying stuff about going back to "Babylon" when we were leaving.

Well, if Babylon means bathing, not getting dysentery, and not having to fucking wake up to the sound of fucking hare blasted krishnas every godamn morning, then sign me the fuck up.

But all in all it was not a totally negative experience. I learned a few things about being prepared to survive in the wilderness. For one thing, I certainly did not bring enough slaves to fan me and bring me water and food. I actually had the novel experience of breaking a sweat and receiving a minor sunburn.

Now, of course, due to the discomfort I was subjected to, my hate burns strong. Since I am no longer among the huddled masses, I must now turn my wrath towards the Bobbie scum that I am all too sure will invade the X-Day Drill to a certain degree.

Be forewarned that I am NOT in a good mood....

Your God,
-----Rev. Nickie DeathChick

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