X-Day Drill '96 Report Pt. 2
[A Whole Buncha Shit You Cain't See]
X-Day Drill '96 Report Part 2

by Rev. Stang
Background Tiles throughout this section are by Funway Plastico... this particular one taken from a Green Energy Demon by St. Palmer Vreedeez

(VIDEO TWO starts here)

Papa Joe Mama announces that Rev. Stang has been kidnapped, hauled away by leather clad woman with ATF tags...? (confusion -- video bad, sound good) -- REMAIN CALM! Joe Mama tries to maintain calm.....

Cameraman heads off into woods. Gunshots heard off in dark. Searchlights in woods. (Video very dark) 50:00 Cornering Anomie...

Pagan leather-clad topless Anomie has Stang tied up behind four-flushers... SLAK squad disarms Anomie, holds her down... "Someone jump on top of her!" -- Stang is freaking... Pastor Craig endlessly hollers inside jokes, obscuring funny lines... Stang is helped up... Anomie bursts free and attacks Stang again, "It's alright, she's just disturbed." Stang asks if she should live or die. "Kill it." Legume blows her away. "Jesus Christ... I was just kidding! I just wanted to scare her! Legume, are you fucking NUTS?" Jesus: "Everybody sign their waiver?" Anomie, wounded jumps up AGAIN, shot again by Legume. (Video very bad... sound good) "Drum" "rapes" Anomie.

Stang: "Move along... it's over... she was just a poor crazy woman... it's all right... go home to your tents and cell blocks... she's just a poor sad crazy woman... it was just a satire... just like Mad Magazine. Performance art, that's all it was..." (THIS NEEDS HEAVY EDITING)
(long blurry walk back to pavillion)

Back at Pavillion... Stang strives to calm down audience.
Papa Joe Mama questions if this is the REAL Stang, tries to get him to show the sacred birthmark. Stang challenges the Con spy to come forth..... (very shaky video)

JAM starts back up. Steve Slack, Bill Miller, Pastor Craig, BJ... pretty good!!
Audience dances insanely. *Susie the Floozy comes onstage, semi-strips and dances! (Good CUs, etc.*) *Cool sinful footage. Susie gives each musician "hit" of frop pipe... Bill plays The Living Keyboard with his golf club. Rev. Matt, others bow down before Susie, she whips them with her doffed clothing. Bill goes nuts with his alien sex orgy samples. (Then gets visually dull.)Susie masturbates the golf club.

Dr. Legume brings Anomie onstage, shackled... Rev. Stang's alleged assailant in custody. "As an example we will show you how we deal with all who dare cross the church..." *Starts to shoot her, she apologizes... "and that makes it okay." She flees. "It was all just a drill..." Legume does rant re: the Conspiracy abductions that would probably happen. "But next time... it could be real! WHAT IF the ATF came, how many of you would be burning your Membership cards when you see US hanging on the cross? Will you be taking up your shotguns to avenge us? Or will you commit suicide and join us in SubG hell? Time is a horny cellmate waiting for you to fall asleep!* Your Memb Card is like a home made knife to smuggle out from under your mattress.... Time doesn't fly by... Time flies away.

Today we meet and have fun... but 2 years from now, you better have the stomach for the sight of blood. This isn't no candy-ass rapture... I will feel rapture as my fingers crawl around the throat of the Conspiracy... Time is ticking..." GOOD CUs!* w/ gun. "The streets shall run red with their blood... all that they find sacred will be nothing but sex toys for us. They say that humanity is just two hot meals away from anarchy... let those two hot meals be the cooling remains of their neighbors" GREAT impromptu rant.... "We gotta make some NOISE to let the Xists KNOW!" (Fires gun in air) We will cleanse this place of Love... sure the Normals have their petty hatreds..." (good rant against normals) "... soon Disney will make a movie about the black people who got their dream of coming to America to pick cotton... " good HATE rant... *"WHO shall sign the paper that legislates HATE? But what can we expect from them? They're only... human."

Killer X-Day rant... intense heartfelt impromptu rant. "Smells like fish... tastes like chicken... SQUEALS LIKE A PIG!" etc. * On the SubPresidential election... "ONE VOTE, ONE DOLLAR! They get one... we get THOUSANDS! They won't be able to keep track of us! ... The Conspiracy wants to love you to death!"

Stang praises all ranters, participants.

Hideous/glorious JAM starts up again....

The Prima-Donna Project. "How many of you also wanted to get up here and rant? How many thought, I'll be a SubG preacher? First you have to be a SubG prima donna. All the greats were prima donnas... they have something special. But to develop it you have to calm down... get down and ask, "Why do I want to be a SubG prima donna?" For the slack? If you find a reason, let us know. Through all history, people have needed the prima donnas, the greats, to explain what it means to be alive, to exist. The Church is committed to producing prima donnas... Let US tell you how. If you don't want it, get started, send $ to PO box... As you get slack you'll lose sight of your heroes... you'll be an equal with them. And it only costs $30..." explains Prima Donna Project a little... "stop working, develop abnormality... won't have to compete with Hendrix, Einstein or Pat Benatar.... Keep up your hate, your love, strength, etc., KEEP IT UP!!"

PAPA JOE MAMA rant re: Independence Day.
The nature of democracy and the Amer. Revolution... "Bob" gave his life in 1984... he CHOSE to allow that bullet to zigzag through his body several times so he could die repeatedly for our freedom. It's independence from the Con and the Pinks. What is our duty? More than to stockpile weapons, grit our teeth, sharpen knives... to BEAR WITNESS. Our job is to WATCH their sins because later, our great grandchildren will grow up free of Pinks and will ask what it was all about... and they'll ask "Why did you do it? WAS IT NECESSARY??" You must say YES, and explain to them WHY! YES!!! YES!!!"... on the movie Independence Day. "We WANT them to think they'll repel the Xist invasion!" On the credits : Doug Smith special fx supervisor... "So let us join hands in remembrance. ..."

LEGUME on the movie... (Good CUs*) -- "If they have no hope, what is there for us to CRUSH? And when they rally around the flag, we'll be able to get a shitload of them with one shot. People have died for that flag... and more will."

Great Bill T. Miller SFX. Onan's "B.O.B." sing-along -- Andrew juggles fire in bg. good sound on vid as crowd sings along, Susie shakes bosom.

Dead moment. Susie grabs mike: reads from minutes of the last meeting.

SUSIE THE FLOOZY rant:** Who is "Bob"? Great "Bob"-con rant! "He is the foe of mediocrety and the champion of success... They have your slack but they don't know how to use it!" Describes the Squid... "them little sucker cups.....
When "Bob" came along, he came for us! And he came again and again... and I kinda lost count at that point cause I blacked out. Woke up in a puddle of slack... (audio on vid OK but has too much crowd noise) -- don't come to me when the saucer rays are welding your butt cheeks shut! We are all here to give you something to slack off TO!"

PASTOR CRAIG... Stang announces that we must turn sound down... the farmers of Sherman need their Slack. They've enjoyed the preaching, but they need sleep so we should keep it down...

Pastor Craig preaches re: confession. Talk shows present people confessing about dating their aunt, having affair with bridesmaids to cover up affair with guys... Craig confesses he hates to rant. He doesn't hate the Pinks. Can't hate the hated... and he hates it. Wrong type of hate. Who actually hates? Why aren't there more haters? (Gets kinda lost).

Rev. Rob comes up to rant: "The enemy is a speed limit sign on an empty highway at 3 in the morning! Something that gives you free speech but says you can't yell FIRE in a crowded theater! SNAKES brought knowledge. Only one way to defeat the Con. $30 to Dallas. Written right there next to the fine print... That's one brick in the wall... 2 years from now, when we're looking at that photo of the earth burning at the edges... DON'T GET IN MY WINDOW SEAT!"

REV. MATT rants... What is HATE? (Audience supplies various answers.) What is Slack? (TAPE RUNS OUT on video)


Susie, Ray Hay, Philo etc. in SLC camp, in a.m.... In Philo's tent....

Legume demonstrates SQUID outside cabin... *Legume attempts to hook the Zapper up to the squid to make it twitch... discussion re: the Bobbies and the Squid....GORGEOUS Cu of Legume's Susie.

Legume and Jesus conducting, in swimming pool with largely naked SubGenius crowd. Baptisms of: Susie Penz, Steve tatooed guy, * SUSIE*, Steve Slack, Philo refuses, Ginsu is challenged, Jesus baptises Legume, Rev. Matt, Kid Ginsu gives in, Legume challenges the million spectators, False Steve with False Knock-off T-shirt ... Legume chastises Rev. Strange... he gives in... Stang picks up Rev. Strange's wallet, yanks change... crowd in pool chanting "PINKS" at spectators... Susie trying to lure them in... misc.... naked Stang strides in to shower.... youthful frollicking... Stang gets baptised... "I see the darkness!" misc... naked someone else hops in... Sexicutioner... Frankenstein... Legume baptises someone else.
(Try fast-forward QT copy w/ Legume in center, people swirling around)
Brushwood staff climbs over walls to jump in. "Slack slack slack slack!"* Toth baptised... Legume Legionairre from Richmond... David Hope... misc. misc. John the Baptist...
Stang announces that "you aren't to film the pagans, only the SubG..."
(all this way too long)
The golden rainbow showers... The water spout upside down. El Diablo baptised!

Outside Squid Tent: Tarla meets Will, Nickie while Stang preps the Squid... Tarla and squid. ((CENSORED))

The "SQUID FUCK 50c" sign.
CU the squid in the cooler.
Frop harvesting truck drives by... Stang discusses with Miller.
Legume in pavillion sets up Electric Arm Wrestling with the Zapper...
SUBGENIUS ICE CREAM TRUCK -- "will trade for frop." *

Tarla yakking with Philo, Ray at campsite re her Ubangi mom(?) ... Tarla meets Dr. Legume "It's all a game baybay." They compare pects. Legume discusses upcoming execution.

*CU "REPENT" sign on Luciferian Liberation Front tent.


Long shots of the 3 volunteers fixing to move the Stump, Jesus in bg... Lou shoots finger at camera while Stang and Legume whip them on, make excuses... the pagans challenge Jesus about whose Stump it is... long shot of Anomie hollering nekkid.

The Rolling of the Stump while Stang narrates obnoxiously. Andrew the Impaled arrives to help... Legume shouts "Help" just to hear the echo.

Jesus discusses the Crucifiction scene to come... since there are only a few from Akron, probably more will vote for Dobbs to die than Jesus. (NEEDS HEAVY EDITING) -- Misc. tedious stump-rolling, *Jesus assembles the Cross upon which he may be recrucified, and how to nail right hand in once left hand is nailed in...
The helpers get the Stump into place, then Legume notices there were already a whole bunch of logs there. Then Stang (good cop) explains that those logs wouldn't do....
... fooling with log... Legume demonstrates his fake gun. Stang directs execution shoot.

*EXECUTION SCENE ((best video of whole weekend)

Shot from behind distant bushes, telephoto, shaky, Jesus walks by row of tied-up kneeling cultists, points to one after another at random and Legume puts a bullet through back of each head. When they're all fallen, cameraman dashes off through bushes to escape (NOTE: send anonymously to Bob Larson, 700 club)

Dr. Drummond and Stang outside Prairie Squid tent -- Stang demonstrates to confused youth how to fuck a squid. Stang disappears in tent and sound effects ensue. Stang comes out, smoking, zipping up pants... Stang, Philo, Susie expound upon the joys of Squid. Youth interviews Stang, Drummond... they fuck with his head.

*Legume hangs the Dobbs Effigy in the pavillion while Susie comments...

Legume at sunset in the field, singing..."There's only one reason to bring all the livestock together ... to bring them all to market." Shots of parachute frop drop.

SUSIE NEKKID at SLC camp -- *** Great image of Susie, red hair, red fishnets, with all red picnic benches, all green bg

Someone else strolls through Brushwood with her doppelganger seen in bg.


photo by Rev.Jack
INCREDIBLE SLC warm-up sequence (AUDIO tape is best) -- pan of audience and then shakycam attachment to tripod... zooms on Susie's altar, misc. wide shot of Corpses jamming..... Music GOOD!!!! Lafe drops in a few fx from The Living Keyboard. Fuckin' INCREDIBLE jam. Ray, Philo and Lafe at best. Ray Hay masterpiece solos... before an audience of 10... Then Stang changes mind, detaches from tripod and walks camera up to stage. ECU Stang-cam wide angle flying close-ups of band, Lafe strikes studly mindblown poses, Stang strikes Woodstockian camera angles. This might be suitable for Toasterizing garish psychedelia...

Break. Philo laments lack of drummer, singer.... laments the one drum beat. Asks for new drum beat. (Shot of Andrew the Impaled bitching about Stang camera)... Wreck the Halls with Boston Charley.

They launch into Pink Cover Tune Section, asking for requests: Stang suggests: PURPLE HAZE. Girl from Ipanema.


ON to X-Day Drill Report #3

Back to the DRILL MAIN PAGE!