OK, here we go. We aren't messing around this time
1) Avoid voiding first thing in the morning. Instead hang on and eat
a BIG midday meal.
2) Make sure your throne room (WC, can, john, cho, benjo, ad nauseum)
is well ventilated. Or, if you wish, completely air tight.
3) Take a large supply of reading material, 'frop (or placebos) and
liquid, preferably a thermos of coffee/tea or a bottle of drinking
4) Within the first 10 minutes void. This warm-up dump is key.
Chart your own seismic readings or radiation levels if you are keeping
track and have the proper instrumentation.
5) Then, as you eagerly devour your reading material (such as The
Book of the SubGenius, or, as we like to call them in Japan 'Private
room bibles' (porn) or your favorite engine or technical manual (Plus
for exploded view diagrams!!) DIGEST YOUR MIDDAY MEAL! Listen as the
material goes through your G.I. tract. As the food descends your
THIRD BRAIN will open wide and your reading will become an intense,
beatific experience. You will truly 'READ THE HELL OUT OF YOUR BOOK.'
6. After about three hours, if you haven't passed out, take a big
gulp of your thermos/bottle.
7. YOUR SECOND VOIDING SHALL REACH NEW HEIGHTS. Think shitting the
rainbow and you will be starting to approach the sensation. "Bob"
will whiff read your pstench, no matter where he is. SLACK will be
Please consult your Doktor before trying this at home. Not
responsible for damages/injury/ or burns which take place during
Shining Path of Least Resistance
SubGenius Ministries for all of Western Japan
2-14-22-18 Shimanouchi, Chuo-ku Osaka Japan 542
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (TarlaStar)
Subject: Re: Excremeditation techniques of the Far East from the SPLR
I'm sorry, but I didn't see anything in here about using big red
straps to bind yourself to the toilet. After about 20 minutes, my legs
fall asleep, man. That's why I've perfected the powerdump. Through
time control I'm able to experience every nuance of your average 30
minute excremeditation in just under 30 seconds.
Dammit Jeb, I'm as Amish as the next guy, but if we don't take
out that sub, there won't be a Pennsylvania to go home TO!
Rev. Mutha Tarla Star ://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html
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