Dino demise explained

From: rwo@raptor.eng.ufl.edu (That Poop-Hatted Man)
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.religion.adm3a

Just how many different explainations for the demise of the
dinosaurs does the Church offer? I found the latest one in
Rev-X, the chapter concerning the Yetis, buried in the "charming"
Dguzarian creation myth. Sya that the First "Bob" gathered
the dinos into the Ark during the melting of the planetary icecap.
But he had to through them overboard when they started vomitting.

Did JHVH-1 fart on them as they tried to swim to Mt. Ararat or
what? I thought the X-ists killed the dinos. Why am I so

Epopt of the Exploding Head of J.F.K. and Blasphemer of the Gods
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214


From: froggy@new-orleans.NeoSoft.com (Carlos May)

I gotta say, the most convincing explanation I'VE heard came from
the Secular Atavists. The Dinosaurs were RAPTURED. Hallilujah.
And the select were granted imortality as fossils.

Say, I haven't seen anything by Scribe Ortho Priapus and the
Sec.Atavists for months. "alt.religion.secular.atavism" has
been coasting on crossposted threads. What happened?

Froggy, who is still here, as frogs have been since
way before the dinos came along.


From: John Searcy <jsearcy@delphi.com>
Date: Sat, 28 Jan 95 14:15:39 -0500

That Poop-Hatted Man <rwo@raptor.eng.ufl.edu> writes:

>Just how many different explainations for the demise of the
>dinosaurs does the Church offer? I found the latest one in

I dunno. A bunch. In the main text of the Yeti chapter, it says that the
dinosaurs were hunted to extinction by the Uighurs (early human beans). But
in the Book of the SubGenius (Page 85) it says that the Elder Gods forced
the Xists to exterminate the dinosaurs. Then again, the Yeti chapter in
Revelation X is almost completely at odds with the Yeti section in The
Book of the SubGenius. Which to believe? Who knows. Maybe the later one
because it's so much more detailed and "scientific" (and chock-full of
footnote sources), but then again, the earlier one is a lot more simple and
easy to understand and without a bunch of unnecessary complications like
the later one, but then, life itself IS full of bunches of unnecessary
complications, so it could go either way.

Yeah, and there is the part of the PreScriptures where JHVH-1 says
he flatulated upon the dinosaurs to watch them die, but maybe that's just
a metaphorical simplification of having the Xists exterminate them. He
might be just bragging. Also, I don't think that "Charming Creation Myth" is
supposed to be taken as literally true, since it seems to only be a
mythologicization of the "facts" described in the chapter.

I could get into how many explainations the Church gives for the
Creation of the Universe, but that would be pointless. It seems to have
something to do with G'Broag'Fran though...

--John C Searcy


From: Stephanie George <stephanie.george@mro.mts.dec.com>

I read somewhere recently of a new theory that maybe not all the
dinosaurs were extinct - that a few were left roaming the earth
up to and including recent times. Examining some of the legends
handed down to us about Knights fighting fire breathing dragons
more closely might prove interesting.

Some are spectulating that certain cranial chambers on some
dinosaur skeletons were used for mixing gases that would ignite
when combined with oxygen when the creatures exhaled in a certain
way, causing some sort of flash or flame.

The source I read indicates that a few dinosaurs may have survived
and roamed several areas including Northern Europe and Africa. Some
African legends speak about enormous creatures that walked the land.


From: rwo@raptor.eng.ufl.edu (Video Jesus)

Well, yeah. I don't think any ONE explaination for the demise would
do. I don't like simple pat theories. This whole thing about the
dinosuars being killed by a meteorite is just plain baloney if you
ask me. I mean, do you honestly think ALL the dinosuars in the WHOLE
world were standing next to each other at just the wrong time?

I bet a FEW of the dinos were killed by a meteor shower and some
more were kill by ice ages and volcanic eruptions. It's just that
the dinos moved so slowly, they couldn't get out of the way fast

But I bet there were some still alive for medevial knights to joust
with. They must have been the herbovore type. If they belched,
that was prabably like emiting a large cloud of swamp gas. Yeah.
That explains it.

Subject: Re: Dino demise explained
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, they were.

It was a Dead concert.

I was tripping too heavy to find the place myself.

I hear it was dynamite though.

(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Hypercyberelectronetworkminister,
ll ll genetically perfect Yeti specimen,
amateur astronaut, author of "The Non-Sequitur Dictionary".
Verifiable revelations and miracles, prepared while you wait.
Remember, "Bob" loves you. I will too, for the right price.

From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

So much for the science stuff.

Now for the official CoSG doctrine:

From the Time Line, p. 135 of the Book of the SubGenius

"160 million BC - The 1st Tampering Around and Removal;
Xists first used as tools by Elder Gods to wipe out dinosaurs."

From p. 154

"The Xists planted our belover 'Frop on Earth near the close of the
Age of the Dinosaurs. "Bob" tells us it may well be JHVH-1's main
intrument for evolution on this planet -- having very possibly been
the device which brought down the Great Reptiles, allowing us mammals
to take their place as large destroyers; and yet also that which will,
with "Bob"'s guidance, likewise complete the usurpation as the
dominant species of the Humans by the SubGenius Hordes."

Now, clearly the SubG has two paths open. One, to believe this,
knowing it to be false, and so follow Church doctrine through
faith. Or two, to refuse to believe this, knowing it to be true,
and so follow Church doctrine through actions.

Yessiree"Bob", we've got all the bases covered.

Beginning next month, I'll be developing a unified Slack(tm) field
theory, by examining Slackion particles (the quanta of the 3 for 1
exchange force) by colliding 'Frop and anti-'Frop particles at
relativistic speeds (the speed at which relatives leave when they
see your Book of the SubGenius in the Excremeditation Chamber).

It is expected that the force will conform to the formula:

B(m) = U(2)

the implications of which should be obvious, or at least trvial.

What it all means is, the damn liZZards didn't have enough meat
in the brain pan to be messing with this stuff. Besides, they
tried to eat it. They had no choice; Mr. Bic hadn't invented
the butane lighter yet. The build-up of 'Frop-gas in their bellies
produced the world's first SHEER GUT BLOWOUT, without the benefit
of a mental orifice suitable to exhaling the gaseous by-products.
The Slackion discharge exceeded the speed of sound, and in
accordance with Bernoulli's Principle, the vacuum created by the
high pressure blew them out through their own assholes.

dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.

Subject: Dinos
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)

And another vintage capture from alt.slack:

Date: 06-29-93 (08:49) Number: 1042 of 1698 (Refer# NONE)
Subj: Re: Dinosaur Controversy
Read: (N/A) Status: PUBLIC MESSAGE
Conf: AltSlack (2294) Read Type: GENERAL

About this dinosaur thing. I polled a class of kindergarteners visiting
the Field Museum the other day, asking the question "What would you
rather be? Some purple, peg-toothed, smiling carnosaur freak or a
red-eyed, carrion-eating honest to God dinosaur." The little freaks went
berserk; gnashing their gap-filled baby-teeth for all they were worth.
One of the crazy little bastards bit his teacher square on the ass! They
went on to rampage into the McDonalds located on the bottom floor of the
museum and bypassed the overpriced McGoodies to devour the entire
restaraunt staff. That's justice for you! Take that R. McDonald, you
overgrown circus-freak! And to think I used to worry about the next
generation. My faith is restored.

Yrs. in Bob,
St. Morphine


Which prompted this response:

Children are smarter than you think... By the way, they still got that
walk-thru Pyramid exhibit? Was there with my g/f a month or two ago.


And this answer was given:

The Pyramid's still there but the crazed little bastards ate all the
mummies. They're high in fiber and good for healthy, growing little
gnashers. That gave me an idea so I went to see the man over at Chefren
Boy 'R Dee about putting out a new breakfast cereal. He claimed they only
did the gloppy-noodlz-n-tomato-paste thing these days. I was eventually
maced and removed by building security. Reminded me of the good ole
carefree kindergarten days; smuggling a thermos full of vodka and my
step-mom's 'lude prescription in my Buggeloos lunchbox. Our teacher never
knew what hit her.

-Seamus St. Morphine


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