Bad Habits

From: (Video Jesus)

TarlaStar <> wrote:

: You know what's been cheesing me quite a bit lately? Sanctimonious FUCKS
: who have this concept that society should decide what is good for me. So
: I have a few "bad" habits, does that make me a "bad" person? And if it
: does, what business is it of yours? Hey, if I haven't killed YOUR baby,
: then shut your fucking piehole!

Bad habits! I *love* to talk about BAD HABITS. A BAD ATTITUDE and
a few BAD HABITS, that's me! I LOVE *my* "bad" habits. I'm a liar.
It's a "bad" habit of mine. I'm a goof-off. It's a "bad" habit of
mine. I'm messy. It's a "bad" habit of mine. I don't bathe daily,
or brush my teeth daily, or comb my hair daily. It's a "bad" habit.
I don't answer the phone. It's a "bad" habit. I don't exercise.
It's a bad habit. I eat too much and then it's all tacky microwave
dinners or cakes or cookies or ice-cream sandwiches. It's a "bad" habit.
I'm anti-social. It's a "bad" habit. I spend money on stuff that
I only *imagine* that I'm going to use. It's a "bad" habit. I read
about obscure things so I can be an expert of stuff that no one cares
or even heard off. It's a "bad" habit. I haven't felt guilty about
*anything* in years, or may decades. I'm amoral. It's a "bad" habit.

Ok, let's talk about your "bad" habits.

: Actually, my bad habits are quite mild. I smoke. I drink massive

Stop right there! That's what I was hoping for!

: amounts of caffeine,

DAMN! Caffeine isn't a bad habit. Most of the my co-workers
through the years have considered drinking caffeine a GOOD HABIT.
I just regard coffee in the morning as a necessary evil/virtue.

Oh! I *like* what I just said. Let's write a book:

The SubGenius Book of Evil Virtues

: (but that's just to balance the thc).

THC good. 'Frop better. Japanese Fish Testicle N.P. best.
Amazon Tree Frog Testicle N.P. also best. African Boomslang Snake
Testicle N.P. also best too. Black Widow Spider Testicle N.P. best
of all. Heh! I mean HAY! Heah! What were we talking about?
Yeah, whatever zones you, dudee. DAMN!! I cant't see what I'm typing!!!!!!
Oh! My vision just came back. Whew!

: That's it. That's the only "bad" shit that I do,
: except think bad thoughts and actually enjoy sex. Oh yeah...I don't
: pay attention to speed limits, but that's partially because my speedometer
: hasn't worked in years.

: So, I work my ass off, literally.

That word offends me. You have offended me. I don't every want to hear
the word "work" again! NEVER!

: I'm in the fucking gym, pumping iron... I even started playing women's
: rugby (At first I thought it was just because I LIKE the idea of
: knocking the living shit out of another woman under sanctioned circumstances

Most (uhh, 75% ?) of my co-workers (they work, I just sit here), well, 75%
of *them* are women. I wish *they* would beat the living shit out of each
other. I might even look forward to getting here in the morning if I
knew I was gonna see a couple of these aging office ladies thrash one

: New Zealand human MALE coach was raving about smokers

: better now, thanks.

And that's the most important thing. Feel good about yourself no
matter what. Feeling good is the best revenge.

Epopt of the Exploding Head of J.F.K. and Blasphemer of the Gods
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
Fraq $1 gb FhoTravhf Sbhaqngvba, C.B. Obk 140306, Qnyynf GK 75214


Subject: Re: Bad Habits
From: (Mark E. Smith)

Cigarettes are one of the biggest Cons going. The tobacco
companies have convinced smokers that lining up like Cheerful
Obedient Consumers and handing over piles of hard-won dough in
exchange for a convenient poison delivery system is a way of
expressing your INDIVIDUALITY, thumbing your nose at CONVENTION,
grabbing the GUSTO and proving to the world that you're BAD-ASS
enough to do as you damn well please.

This is a Conspiracy dream come true. Other not-so-lucky
industries have to contend with an angry public that insists on
protecting itself from their toxic output. For the tobacco
industry, the toxic output IS the product, and people are
clamoring for as much of it as they can get -- and at the same
time, they're signing up for unpaid duty as free-roaming PR
flacks protecting the industry's market, a market that wouldn't
need so much protecting if it wasn't dying off so fast.

Even Jesse Helms -- JESSE HELMS! -- was forced to grudgingly quit
smoking a few years ago, now that his ignorant tobacco boosterism
has been overtaken by the realities of time, age, and the
prospect of retiring to a plastic tent filled with purified
oxygen that his ravaged lungs WON'T LET HIM HAVE.

If that's Slack, then I don't "get" it.

Mark E. Smith Tobacco kills 3,000,000 people a year worldwide.


Subject: Re: Bad Habits
From: (SBJohnston)

Video Jesus quipped:

> I don't answer the phone. It's a "bad" habit

Yes. There is no single thing a SubGenius can do to piss off NORMALS more
than to be at home, within easy reach of an telephone instrument, and then
choose not to answer the ring. Watch 'em squirm when you don't!

I find the Conspiracy mandate that when we hear a bell ring we must pick
up a bakelite object and talk to others to be completely unacceptable.
I'll pick it up when I want to. Even when it is not ringing. Not even


Steve The Reverend Doktor S-bo

Subject: Re: Bad Habits
From: (Steve Lamont)

In article <> (Mark E. Smith) writes:
>Mark E. Smith Tobacco kills 3,000,000
> people a year worldwide.

... and the problem is that it doesn't kill them quickly enough...

Steve Lamont, SciViGuy -- (619) 534-7968 --
San Diego Microscopy and Imaging Resource/UC San Diego/La Jolla, CA 92093-0608
"Luckily for Microsoft, it's difficult to see a naked emperor in the dark."
- Ted Lewis, (former) editor-in-chief, IEEE Computer


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