Help, I'm Addicted to Preperation-H

From: (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

John Klopper ( wrote:
: Well, it all started when I was a young boy.
: I saw this add on TV about hemrhoidal ointments,
: and i thought they said, 'oinkments'. Not knowing
: what a hemrrhoid was (I'm still not positive,
: don't they look and smell like grapes???) I
: decided to try the most popular hemrrhoidal oinkment.
: (actually, i tried Tucks first, but those are just
: medicated pads that soothe the burning itch of
: hemrrhoids) Anyway, to make a short story a little
: longer, I am now addicted to preperation-M, er H.
: Help.

Just be glad you were too young for the eariler versions.

Thanks to bribes sent to the FDA to push it to market, 14,000 Americans
had their ass permanently glued shut by Preparation G.

And there are still unknown hundreds living out horribly disfigured lives
on a remote Pacific island because of Preparation F.

The results of Preparations A through E didn't live long enough to test,
and what remained of them was too disgusting to autopsy. They just burned
the lab down and bulldozed the site.

They were working on Preparation I in Japan, but one of the researchers
made the mistake of taking it home to test it, and dropped it in the
subway. It was a sad thing, but it could have been sadder had it made it
to market. Count your blessings, even if you have to stand up to do it.
You're getting off easy.

(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot
ll ll SubGenius Church of Scienfictiontology
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, Terran Occupation Forces
DynaSoar, Tibetian Rantarian, Chaplain :
'Praise "0100 0010 0110 1111 0110 0010"' -- MWOWM

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