Weird Critters

Weird Critters (like hot-headed ice borers, only BETTER)

From: (Anarch)

OK, I've been meaning to get this out ever since the fabulous tale of
the ice borers was related, but I've had to take something of a break
from Usenet lately, not a total abstention, you understand, but you
know how "real life" and "responsibilities" and things can get in the
way of alt.slacking and such. Anyway, I was disappointed as any to learn
that the ice borers were nothing but a hoax, a cheap abusive joke at
the expense of those of us whose senses of wonder remain unatrophied in
this plastic world, but I was able to remain convinced that the universe is
still WAY more bizarre than I can imagine on my own by recalling the most
incredible nature show segment I've ever seen. This was about a year and a
half ago, NOT during April and actually CAPTURED ON FILM, plenty convincing
as far as I'm concerned, and the creature featured was fully as fantastic
and grotesque as hot-headed naked ice borers, if not FAR MORE SO!

The show was one of these "Predators and Prey" type things, showing off all
the most amazing ways Nature's children have devised to inflict hideous
destruction upon one another, and the organism under consideration was some
sort of parasite that likes to make its home in the intestinal tract of
various birds. Well, like anyone inhabiting an intestinal tract, this
little bugger is forced to deal with the occasional inconvenience of
getting SHIT OUT of house and home, and it has come up with a remarkable
way of getting back to familiar surroundings. Nature, you see, "in Her
infinite wisdom," as they say, has provided a handy means of disposing of
excess birdshit, lucky for us, which also turns out to be this parasite's
ticket home: SLUGS. There's these slugs who have decided that birdshit is
acceptable as a staple food, who knows why but more power to 'em if they're
keeping the shit off MY shoes, but unfortunately for them ingesting
birdshit means they also get to ingest these fiendish little critters who
actually remain alive encased in turd for some time after being excreted,
and THEN the slug is in trouble. These things KNOW, somehow, when they're
inside a slug's gut, and THEN they wake up and get to work.

These little bastards are equipped to actually POSSESS THE SLUG, to
actually TAKE OVER ITS BRAIN, such as it is, in the most completely
unbelievable cheap body-snatching scary sci-fi way you can imagine. The
parasite siezes control of the slug, short-circuits its natural instincts,
and causes it to avoid its usual hiding places and instead head off to the
tops of the leaves and rocks and lie around in PLAIN VIEW, like a...a slug,
I guess, JUST WAITING to get spotted--these slugs, you see, are a popular
treat among the birds that this parasite aims to get back to, so if the
parasite can entice some passing bird to SWALLOW the slug...well, it's HOME
SWEET HOME for Mr Intestinal Leech and "Bob" help the damn slug. And the
critter doesn't stop at just getting the slug out into the, this
is where things get truly freaky. Somehow, and I never figured out if this
was through some manipulation of the slug's own metabolism or if this was
the parasite itself showing off, the parasite infects the head of the slug,
causing it to SWELL GROSSLY, TURN from the normal greenish-grey to A
can imagine, no slug lying out in the open with its head warped into
the likeness of a Titleist "Easi-Find" escapes for long the glance of
passing birds looking for a treat, and the slug is swiftly consumed.
The parasite waits 'til it's been digested free of the slug corpse, and
then, no doubt with a few smug chuckles at the expense of the slug,
gets back to the old chyme-sucking routine.

What we really have to ask, confronted with this bizarre creature, is, "How
are we to read this one of Nature's many parables?" Is the bird the CON,
the slug the untainted soul, and the parasite the compounded media
excretions of our society? Or is the bird the Xists while the parasite is
"Bob" and the slug, the heart of the Bobbie? Or are we the slugs? Or are
we the turds that "Bob" causes society to excrete, to spead his word? Many
are the lessons of Nature. +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ I could be wrong
D I S C L A I M E R : E V E R Y T H I N G I W R I T E I S F A L S E


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