The Next Voice You Hear . . .

Revelations from His Most Feathered Eminence, John Laviolette

There's not enough religion in America.

That's what you hear on the 700 Club, on Harold Camping, on any of eight quadrillion hellfire broadcasts. The Wonderful World of Yahweh ben Yahweh tells us the same thing: America is a moral wasteland, which is why we're being catastrophically punished with earthquakes, floods, and cloned sheep. Deeply spiritual people are gathering together to open our eyes to immanent godhood through yogic flying. Followers of Our Lady plaster my neighborhood with posters screaming about the liberalization of the Catholic Church.

It's the EndTimes, buddy, and no one believes in the gods anymore.

What's wrong with this picture?

If religion is a dying force in our society, wouldn't that mean fewer people yammering about it?

"The Earth is degenerating today. Bribery and corruption abound. Children no longer obey their parents, every man wants to write a book, and it is evident that the end of the world is fast approaching" ---Assyrian tablet, c. 2800 BC

What everyone's tearing hair over, of course, is diversity. There has always been diversity. There have always been people complaining about it. People complained (with the aid of guns) about the Mormons until they were forced to flee to Utah. And now, the Mormons complain about New Age channelers. Small surprise!

There's probably more religion now than ever before, but everyone has their own religion. You can pick up enough spiritual enlightenment to choke a fatted calf in any bookstore.

And it's not a fad. If I were to suggest that you could form a viable religion based on a belief that we are all reincarnated ancient astronauts and our space brothers are going to build a Tower of Power in San Diego, you'd strangle on your own spittle. And yet the Unarius Academy, founded on exactly those deep spiritual principles in the '50s, continues to preach the doctrine of transmigration of the aliens to this day.

You prayed for a spiritual rebirth, America. Now go look after your children.

[Hey. Leave your asinine comments about my spoutings in my mailbox.]