"Hey man, this is Bill Clinton.
I'm taking a time out from my he-man Big Mac and McDonaldland cookie lunch
to tell you to vote for my choice, the lamprey, or I'll kick your
ass... The lamprey, like Democrats, is a survivor. It attaches itself
to a victim and drains it of its precious bodily fluids. After draining
the host it detaches itself and begins the cycle all over again. And just
like a Democrat the lamprey has a flexible spine which allows it
to bend itself into whatever shape the situation dictates. As far as I can
see, the only difference between a lamprey and a Democrat is that lampreys
don't wear briefs.
So take my advice and vote for the lamprey and save yourself the
pain and embarassment you'll endure If I'm forced to to bludgeon you senseless
with my Teddy Ruxpin."
"Hello friend, this is Leon Panetta urging you to vote my choice for the new Democratic symbol...
the teenie weenie. You know friend, the Lord works in mysterious
ways. While he has given each and everyone of us what body parts they need
to get by in this life, some of us received a little bit less in one area
than others. Did you know that In a recent poll of Democratic men it wee
revealed that the second most common nickname among them was "Needledick"?
Also in the same poll it was discovered that the expression most spoken
by Democrat women during intercourse "Honey, I think we need
to repaint the ceiling." Do you understand what I'm trying
to say? But friend, instead of being ashamed of this shortcoming we should
be proud. That's why I'm supporting the teenie weenie as the new
symbol of the Democratic Party. Let us remember the immortal words of Thomas
Jefferson who when asked how long a man's penis should be, replied that
the length did not matter as long as it reached the ground.
