Hour of Slack #1777 - The Pain of A Hundred Billion Pains


"We're gonna need a bigger clock-killing dagger."

22X-Day "2019," July 6 at Wisteria with Dr. Hal, Rev. Ivan Stang, Princess Wei 'R.' D'oh!, and Rev. Angry Larry. See below!

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Inexplicable horror intro- Let's walk down this lane... going straight to another show for you. The faithful have been judged. Good! Saturday schedule. Recuperating; Bobtism at 2 pm in pond. Old Sequaw. The Wall of Ticks. Costume or Not Ball. Bulldada Auction of Exploding Death-Robot. "Bob" Burning late tonight. It still COULD be X-Day -- any second! - as we say in our July 6 disappointment. California earthquakes and Hal's dinosaur collection. One may never prepare adequately. The impossible evacuation of huge cities. There's no escape. The rescue pilots will mock you in the rising river. You can't have safety. There go the saucers flying away empty-handed. What if everybody outside of Wisteria got Ruptured? Thanks Oboba. Thanks Philo. Philo has left the camp. Rev. Sosodada has returned to the folds. Many folds at the Bobtism. Saints? The Taints of the Church. Taint Paul, Taint Philo, Taint Peter. Philo tain't here. Has to mow his graveyard of humans. Stang has a graveyard only of shellfish. And the fossil devil skeleton, alien skeleton, robot skeleton. Devil skull is like bug mandible. Demonsaurus Rex. Fossil Cretaceous devil has a heart bone and a bacula. Pappy's swizzle sticks made of dick bones of walrus, bear, raccoon. The Walrus Pizzle Murder. Stang's Cabinet of Wonders at the impregnable fortress -- though "Bob" impregnated the actual fortress. That time "Bob" raped Pater Nostrils car while they were inside. "Bob's" bastard auto children. Breaks your muffler. Sopping! Gypsy dance music from "House of Frankenstein" and plot summary. The hunchback girl's crush on Larry Talbot, who is always whining and fretting. Some SubGeniuses THINK they can pass as human or even think they're human. Stockholm syndrome. THE THING couldn't be a mummy. The papier mache Indian mummy and baby mummy. Stang knows where the one switch is to shut off every light in Carlsbad Caverns. Smuggle in glow-in-the dark Indian Ghost Spirit outfits, plunge the cave into drkness, then we rise up and moan. And hope there's not a good guy with a gun. Panicking people impling selves on stalactites. The kids who hid in the cave. Stang's been to Carlsbad Caverns 9 times and will preserve it on his escape vessel IN the Grand Canyon. SubGs not pure enough for Xists... minds filled with desires and coffee...

Need new voice! Angry Larry? Hal muttering... Rev. Angry Larry joins in. Philo's mechanical heart. Bobtism ad. Snore-fest X-Day. Description of the clown show with weinermobile jumping over 3 flaming cars. Weinermobiles of America. Oscar Meyer Hotdogs vs. Nathan's. Need crowd for Bulldada Auction - the clowns want the big penis. Just the beat-up head. It had been beat on mostly by dames. The violent Women's Revolts of the old SubG cons. The penis-head mask looks like a Toho character vs. Big Man Japan. DICK-HEAD. The mushroom man - "I'm President Trump's crotch." Mario Cart stumpy-dick. The problem of unusual looking penii such as Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson. "is your pecker spotted like your hands?" Speckled pecker disease. Ray gun from the late President's estate. That car's full of clowns! Extraterrestrial or Japanese. Putting batteries in new robot toy. Acid and corrosion in the robots. You may already be a weiner.

LSD is the bomb" PSA. Rev. Angry Larry is gonna "do" the raygun. The kind of disintegrating gun that is slowly disintegrating in the basement. Now Stang misses Philo irritating him. Larry can be just as annoying if we want. Stang is not the way he used to be. Still hasn't hung Dobbhead or set up projector. We got the big Eyeball up there. The mystery of the ray gun batteries. Something inside the old toy is pulling back on the old corroded batteries. Stang's hat was found, after being used as a mic stand. ((CUT hat stuff)) ASBESTOS UNDERWEAR - Media Barrage bits - Chas song - All Bulldada Auction items are death traps. WEI COMES! Her helm and space crown. Raygun is broken plus sound effects. Auctioning Bobble-Body Zombie. After the Bobtism. Plenty of time since aliens didn't come - time to kill, murder and create. "We're gonna need a bigger clock-killing dagger." The Behemoth. We still have to do Starwood. Sentenced to another week of Slack, darn it! Normal ordinary tedious antislack would be great. Enough of this inebriating and orgy-ing.

((REMOVED: While we were gone Claudia pried boards off fence and escaped. So it was X-Day for Claudia. Bit of BUDDY lyrics. Stang looks for lyric sheets while Wei stalls. OCD -- not disorders, super-powers. Long waiting. Finds a roach. Arguing about the music. Wei and Stang sing BUDDY -- horribly.))

Rev. Watt deFalk's book THE BLASPHEMERA - three auction items so far that aren't deadly boobie-traps. They'll only blind you metaphorically. Claudia escaped -- Buddy slept through it. "I'm not really a rebel, I'm just an IDIOT." -- Faux "It's okay if we're only offending dumbasses" -- "Bob" Not just okay but our Bob-given right and duty! If they're offended, that proves they're dumbasses! It's an intelligence test. Below a SubGenius. CAN mean "beyond SubGenius." Can't be in Mensa and CoSG at same time -- but we have a cure for geniusness - two cures: ball peen hammer, and drugs. Plain liquor will do it. Geniuses don't need livers! SubGs don't need brains but do eat brains. Stang can't handle the allergen any more. Xists have Ruptured bits and pieces: his energy, his memory -- now a wisp, a shadow, a SHARD of a man. Every single cell suffering the Pain of A Hundred Billion Pains... times the number of cells. Even my bowel bugs have indigestion and insomnia. Hurry up, X-Day. The Fountain of Youth wasn't any of those pils. That which does not kill me makes me weaker. All old people talk about: health problems. Learned a lot more about criminal law and justice system than I wanted to. You learn the most interesting things, like felons can't be insured. Cath's THINGS I DON'T WANT TO SEE, HEAR, AND SMELL ANYMORE. Samples of Anti-C-! the RubGenius musings. Things she doesn't want to hear. Things she doesn't want to see on a daily basis. (Ass cracks, guards, razor wire, and women.) Things she doesn't want to smell any more. Her roomie wants a boyfriend. She has Jesus, what else could she need? Cath's observations on death -- she's been dead. Like Polly in Peaky Blinders. She's like the Professor on Gilligan's Island. Remembers lyrics. They were amazed to learn where Israel is and why Robin Hood doesn't just get a gun. They did not know that America was not always English speaking white people. Has to explain Star Wars to them constantly. She was able to "pass" among regular Pinks, but not here. There's racial gangs and she hangs out with the Mexicans. 12-hour trips to doctor on a hot crowded bus. They remind you every step of the way that you are a BUG. Gets humiliating body search every time we visit.

Time to go to the Bobtism!

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Slack, Bob Dobbs, Hour of Slack, comedy, conspiracy, collage, satire, X-Day, sex, Church of the SubGenius, Ivan Stang, The Firesign Theatre, Dr. Hal, Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, Rev. Susie the Floozie, Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Ministry of Slack, McLuhan, movie trivia, DEVO, apocalypse, end of the world, Dr. Legume, LeMur

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