OUT-TAKES FROM REVELATION X -- THE "BOB"APOCRYPHON
Women ask, what about the Sex Gods?
We do not use the term "Sex Goddesses" in our advertising just
because it appeals to male juvenile consumers, but because it is accurate.
The Sex Goddesses are of a female nature. They are basically creations of
MWOWM, which, though it is a machine, is also an organic machine, and it
is feminine in nature.
They are Sex Goddesses, not Sex Gods... but they might as well be
both because you'll NEVER know the difference. They'll be whatever you secretly
want them to be.
-- Drs. for "Bob" at Dokstok would've been the only band the Yacatisma
would like. That's what they heard that called their attention to earth,
that piano being sawed in half at Dokstok I. They kinda dug that. They mistook
our intentions, however. At the second one they threw a lot of lightning
at us cause we WEREN'T destroying things. They decided it was TOO PINK.
And that Thing with No Face that showed up... that poor Thing, it was just
trying to WARN us! It wasn't screaming in a threatening way -- and the reason
it had no face was not because it was an alien, but because the aliens had
taken its face! It wasn't a monster, it was a Yeti trying to warn us! NO!
We killed it, we lynched it! We chopped it up and burned the little pieces!
But in his pride the First "Bob"thought not to give to his Men
the Awareness of the PeE, which purifieth all Divine Beings; and so they
were unclean and corruptible.
Once you cross the Abyss, if you don't get lost forever in the whirlpools
of past and future time streams, you'll eventually learn enough to achieve
Time Control and coexist in multiple dimensions at will (this is the so-called
"Bottomless Pit" of Revelation). You may eventually evolve into
a STAR or QUASAR (although if you don't make the grade, you might end up
as a mere asteroid.)
DEFY FALSE FATE!!
Well, we're studying Conspiracy psychodynamics -- trying to find out where
those little pink brains are deficient. Pinkness has a lot to do with the
worship of power and authority, with a little bit of sadomasochism thrown
Well, apparent sadomasochism. A masochist doesn't enjoy suffering -- just
submission. And of course a sadist likes to wield power. A Pink tends to
have it both ways -- he lets other people tell him who he can torture. And
I'm not just talking about plain old S&M here -- I'm talking about the
way people live their lives from day to day.
THEY'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO ASSERT AUTHORITY OVER OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THEY REALLY
Insecurity has a lot to do with Pinkness. That's why Pinks are into extreme
forms of power. They make model slaves and slavemasters, because
they have so much respect for power -- the more perverse and unjust, the
better. A lot of them act really self-righteous because moral authority
is usually considered higher than any other kind. -- Mr. Zed
"Bob" has to pay his debt of Bobbie souls at the Great White Lodge.
We do not truck with demons and entities indiscriminately or unnecessarily.
We won't associate with the so-called "Great White Brotherhood"
because they're just a New Age branch of the Con. Besides, in a few years
they'll be coming to US for advice.
KIDNEY STONES: like peeing a rusty fish-hook, booger-sized rock shaped like
a porcupine crossed with a sea urchin... feels like the opposite of when
the parasitic catfish swim up your urine stream when you're pissing into
the Tigre or Urubamba just before it lodges itself in your urethra... but
at least the kidney stone is going OUT... the cork fanned with razor blades...this
kind of navigation (between stars) requires mastery of post-euclidian geometry
and inuification of "opposite" sciences like neurophysiology and
astronomy. (All of the above is based on the assumption that this planet
is a synergetic energy-and-information-harvesting flight school,
as the Tripod Network has hinted -- and NOT an entropic slaughterhouse,
as all political "leaders" (and most humans as well) believe it
Tumorslopping, Headpopping, 3-eyed antimatter pigs from Intergalactic Time
Banks and Utilities Companies laughing at us ALL as They bleed us dry: "Making
the most of your Time."
(The gods do not possess nuclear weapons; the saucer people don't even possess
nuclear weapons. We are the ONLY ONES who can destroy us. Doesn't that make
you proud to be a human? Part of the team that's able to unleash more destructive
force than all combined demons, Greek gods, ghosts, UFOs, etc?)
A single gigantic intelligent fungus, over 10,000 years old, will be found
to cover the entire top half of North America, with roots extending all
the way to the roof of the Hollow Earth. Descended from an alien spore,
the puny native fungi of Earth can communicate through it with its Mother
Fungi -- the Armillaria Gemingus fungus, which has covered its home planet
of Geminga V for at least a billion years -- and her spin-offs on other
As the Bull gored the Sun-God-Phoenix to death in Taurus/Scorpio, and as
everything is vanity and hypocracy, so AL GORE leads the Human Worm on an
unholy mission to pollute the Feline Sun-God of AQUARIUS/LEO NOW. In the
name of "environmentally healthy" beaurocracy/47/perpetual adversity.
AL Gore God-killer1313 Castrator of Osiris LA. Sol-11 nuclear split duality
big filthy mess Luna-22; 1963 = 1 + 9 + 6 +3 = 19-Suncard Gemenid Twins
suffocated by witchdoctor worm-sceptor; the Navigator King of Norway shot
in the Head in your Trinary NeuroAtomick Cosmic TV Circuits (Circus) at
the 33rd parallel while Rosicrucian Lizards play Golf on the Moon.
"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed
affair we call life, when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical
joke." -- G. Gordon Gordon
The great WorkNet has already been cast over us.
These interdimensional "Doktors" sometimes take the forms
of UFOs, monsters, angels, etc., but generally manifest through a psychic
Coincidence Control Office which is symbiotically linked to our minds. Just
enough information comes through to speed up our evolution, while only
sometimes driving us mad in the process. It's all a matter of invocation,
conscious or other -- a vast pranking system. If you think about
it, it's not so different from what the Church does.
Pinks dislike these put-ons, because they're grotesque exaggerations of
the way things REALLY ARE but which nobody wants to FACE without having
the "joke" there as a RELEASE VALVE. (That's the standard justification
for Operation Mindfuck that we use in court, anyway.)
But Crop Circles are also, in a way, responses to our attempts to
communicate with Them. For have not we been sending messages into
interdimensional hyperspace? Did we not subconsciously ask Them to
drop that UFO on Roswell, New Mexico, the only atomic installation on the
planet at the time? Were They not responding to our deepest yearnings, when
they furnished all the thousands of other saucers, tinfoil models, hologram-bedecked
balloons and obsolete Social Experimentation satellite that have "crashed"
in the last 45 years?
The Elder Gods wish to keep us frightened into superstition, so that we
don't advance far enough to surpass them before they awaken.
They do not control our atoms, but rather become a new source
of our atoms' energy -- slowly sifting into us, creating a cosmic interference
pattern of sympathetic vibrations which set off reactions unknown to our
But they must operate through a veil, a Borderland populated by their lesser
agents who descend to Earth to keep us in fear and confusion: "ghosts,"
invisible whirlers, UFOs, Deros, "fear zones," poltergeists, Green
Energy Demons, etc.
It is much easier for them to cause depression and madness in Normals than
in SubGenii, whose brains move in a more slippery way.
The only reason the Con hasn't overtly tried to destroy the Church yet is
that they know we're the natural, fated, chosen tools of the gods, and possessed
of Slack powers they themselves do not understand. They want to infiltrate
us, hinder us, steal our secrets, and only THEN snuff us. This is why the
number of people who know the actual location of The SubGenius Foundation
office can be counted on four hands.
"When the SLEEPING WAKE, those now living will not die, and those
now dead shall stumble throughout the cities of madness, whirling electromagnetic
energy during the Night of "Bob." THE BOOK shall be rewritten,
its pages scrawled with the terrifying WRIT of THE CHILD THAT HAS COME."
-- Found by Rev. Shuerholz among the writings of Wilbur Von Jünst
In aeons past they transcended technology and achieved total psychic control
over anything, at any distance. One may best attempt to fathom the
Xists by examining the conditions under which they evolved, .
It's hard to conceive of a carbon-based life form ever taking root there;
the ones that did, evolved mainly in caves. Even inside the caverns, the
fluctuations of pressure, atmospheric content, ionization, etc. were immense,
presenting the toughest challenge to evolution imaginable -- thus the extreme
adaptability of the Xists.
The impassable series of barriers they encountered in trying to explore
their own planet was what forced their telekinetic powers to evolve so extravagantly.
Getting off their planet was harder for them than for any of the younger
races that have since sprung up in this galaxy.
"Full of faces round about"... sound familiar?
Another lurked in England for centuries, haunting thousands of houses at
once. It's gone now, but left behind many invisible alien "party favors,"
which are still taken to be "ghosts." The Germanic Baldanders
mythis based upon a rogue Xist.
THE XIST JESUS
Rather than launch an immediate invasion, killing most of the human crop
in the crossfire, the Xist liberation forces went back in time and deposited
a double agent -- a new religious leader so powerful he could brainwash
millions into blind obedience. Yes, Jesus Christ, the Xist Overlord of Earth!
The true son of gods!
With his superior powers, he performed miracles to impress the natives.
And once he had their attention, he preached peace and free love, so they
would reproduce like rabbits and make life more bearable for the supervising
Well, leave it to the Pinks to foul up even the most simple concepts of
love and charity. Even before Jesus could be picked up by the mother-ship,
the Conspiracy ripped him to shreds. They didn't know who was behind
this preacher of peace, but they knew it damn sure wasn't Big Brother! So
they double-crossed Christ, and left him for dead. Fortunately, he was only
recharging, and on the third day he ascended to the heavens.
But the damage had already been done. Through the years, the Conspiracy
systematically corrupted virtually every Christian concept to promote their
own agenda of war, hate, oppression, and intolerance.
Try as they may, no one has succeeded at dismantling the triggering mechanism,
the prime ingredient to the explosive power behind Christianity: the "population
bomb"! But, unless "Bob's" excuses satisfy the Xist clean-up
crew, they'll defuse it themselves. Permanently.
-- Father Joe Mama
Each of the 4 Xist brains divides not only into left and right like
ours, but into four quadrants, making for an effective total of 16 brains.
Each brain or section of the brain can work independently, or all can interlock
for complex computations or crises.
Xist senses include echolocation, which works like sonar x-ray vision; an
infra-red thermal sense; even chemical spectro-analysis and gravitational/magnetic
directional senses! Certain other vibrations (unknown to us) are received
through whisker/antennae clustered around the faces. Xists even sport metallic
`buck teeth' at the end of one snout which decode electromagnetic emanations
almost exactly as does a tape deck's playback head. They can sense the most
minute distortions in the magnetic field for miles around -- the equivalent
of hearing a fly sneeze on a distant hilltop. Their mentality is such that
one Xist could hold conversations telepathically with several thousand
human beings simultaneously and individually. Most importantly, Xists
can discern time band-widths much greater than can we; they can know at
a `glance' what you are doing and thinking right now, what you were
doing and thinking for the past three years, and what you will be
doing and thinking for the next three weeks.
But don't start "trying to think good thoughts" yet.
The Yacatisma aren't heading directly for Earth yet, but they have begun
to turn their attention our way. That attention has already provoked advance
prescient glimmers of their coming in visionaries and artists, who tap those
preliminary Yacatisma vibrations. That's why the look of the Yacatisma seems
so COOL and "Nineties." Those bizarre metallic, bionic hard-edged
fashion styles one sees on metalpunks and their album covers are a direct
result of Yacatismic psychic influence.
Our planet has a "skin," just as most of you do. Otherwise unexplainable
phenomena such as culture, art, and orgasms evolved specifically to nourish
and heal that planetary skin, that frail shell of mojobodies surrounding
spaceship Earth. Now, clench your sphincter and consider this: there is
a HOLE in the PSYCHIC SHIELD of OUR PLANET. Even the Conspiracy has acknowledged
this fact, but only in the analogy of "depletion of the ozone layer"
by "CFCs" resulting in "radiation hazards." Hundreds
of sad dupes have found this obvious lie more palatable than the unspeakable
horrors implicit in the UFO reality. As the mojosphere of Earth erodes,
the natural defenses of our bodies have gone spastic, and has over-encased
us in invisible character armor to ward off the presence of aliens
in our "space." This new tension has in turn perverted our best
jokes, our he-UNGH-ing-est squirts and oozes, our most life-affirming
activities into pathetic spectacles. Wilhelm Reich tried to warn
Earth about the "EAs" (Energy Alphas, or primordial energy
creatures), and died in a Conspiracy prison for his troubles.
They are able to predict what a contactee is about to think or do
and therefore control it; this is how they "paralyze" people they
visit at night, by second-guessing the neurosystem of their victim. They
can't know the future, but they do know you, literally better than you know
yourself. They have inside knowledge of your head, and can dredge up your
worst nightmares to keep you in line.
They reproduce exclusively by genetically accelerating the growth of buds
pruned from their own kind, fertilized with human genes. Their gestation
period is measured in days, which explains why they look like giant, walking
fetuses in some cases. Specific Greys often are assigned to their human
On the other hand... if the weird forces ever did lose patience with us,
and even get organized, think what they could do. They're
as technologically inclined as we are, if they want to be. The average modern
day poltergeist or "haint" can turn appliances on and off, leave
messages on tape decks, etc. What if a distressed nuclear weapons engineer,
trained in launch protocol, were to commit suicide in a missile silo? The
silo might thenceforth be HAUNTED by his leftover, embittered `lower soul,'
which was too confused to cling to its higher counterpart and go to the
Vats. It mopes around, halfway in our reality, trying to make contact but
unable to, and is eventually driven mad while gaining experience in discharging
electrical circuitry in that missile silo by sheer poltergeist hate-force...
or, it could get into the radar viewscreens at NORAD and deliberately appear
as blips indicating incoming North Korean missiles... did you ever wonder
what a nuclear blast would do to your SOUL?? If ever there was something
that could erase parts of more than one reality, it's that. In that case,
setting off a nuke might be the only way for a ghost to commit suicide!!
We dare not dwell upon these things any longer, lest we give our spirit
readers BIG IDEAS.
The Swashbucklin' Shiva is welcome; the Eater of Souls is not.
"The masses ARE hopeless robots being propelled through neurotic
daily routine by injured and sad Nervous Systems. And yet we all lead double
(or triple) lives. We are groping for Telepathy, meaning any and all more
advanced forms of the transmission/reception of information based on the
nervous system itself. This is how to pilot a UFO... interface between the
Ship and the Nervous System itself, as in dreams where you "let go"
and remember how to fly."-- Nicholas Gardner