From the Office Pew of Rev. Ivan Stang
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, PO Box 181417, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118-1417
firstname.lastname@example.org FAX: 216-320-9528
That's where to send tapes, art, CDs, dire news, etc.
Hear the latest HOUR OF SLACK weekly Church
radio show in MP3!
Check for local availability on the airwaves
-- we're on 15 stations.
How to get on the Foundation's SubG e-list
SEE ALSO the much busier Yahoo SUBGENIUS GROUP E-LIST
DON'T DO ANY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING UNTIL YOU'VE CHECKED THIS OUT:
ALL WEEK WE HAVE BEEN PUTTING SOME FAIRLY IMPRESSIVE NEW "BOB" PRODUCTS INTO THE ONLINE SUBGENIUS STORE CATALOG. APPROXIMATELY 500 NEW "BOB" PRODUCTS.
You might want to look at these, even if you are penniless. and use Christmas only for puking. The captions and concepts alone are the equivalent of a whole new SubGenius book, and I AM NOT KIDDING.
ALSO NEWISH: HUGE NEW ART & VIDEO GALLERY, Art Mines Tunnel 18
This includes 6 months' worth of eye-watering computer graphics, crazed SubGenius portraits, dozens of bizarre Flash videos and games, and other seriously pleasurable gateways to the Old Ones. Not for kids, and you might ought to take your heart medicine first. Part of October's NEW ONLINE STARK FIST. NEWLY RE-REVISED LAYOUT BY EDFRED.
I remember the Stark Fist of Removal I read in 1984, compact, tight, and a literary masterpiece. It's time for Stark Fist 2, written on a goddamn IBM Selectric. If I see another dumbshit web site built with a 29 dollar modem I'm gonna puke on my cat.
Well, Li'l Hoser, CLUTCH YOUR KITTY, 'cause you'll PUKE when you see:
THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL TEMPORARY INTERIM SLAPDASH SCAPEGOAT ISSUE # 1-2002!
IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ARTWORK IN IT!!! (Aside from the link to Art Mines Tunnel 18, which contines hundreds of incredible artworks, videos and games.) But it does have an "explanation" and even gives YOU a way to BE A PART of this GRAND ENDEAVOR!
HALLOWEEN SCARY-FACE PICTURE PAGE from THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, from the scary artists at alt.binaries.slack! Mask ideas a-gore.
GET WITH THE END TIMES!! -- and READ ALL ABOUT the NEW 1982 SubGenius classic, MEDIA BARRAGE 5: "BOB" ATTACK. Then BUY this CD remaster. It's true that we do embroider the truth now and then, but this really is a bite off the SubGenius apple from when it was at its most ripe and poisonous and belongs in every SubGenius tape/CD library.
Then read up on how you can get 24 HOURS OF PURE SLACK by THINKING GLOBULARLY and ACTING LOCO with "HOUR OF SLACK on MP3," Volumes 7 and 8.
Finally, now that we've removed the FREE DOWNLOADS of everything recorded at the fantastic 5X-Day Drill (see NEWLY REVISED PRIZE-WINNING PAGE BY ST. MYKAL D'ARCHANGEL), we SELL it all in MP3 on ONE CD that you download through the POST OFFICE.
COMPLETELY ASTOUNDING (OLD) NEWS:
If you hadn't already heard, DON'T FREAK OUT -- but The SubGenius Foundation PO Box for mail order business CHANGED LAST YEAR. Business Managers Jesus and Magdalen moved THE ENTIRE CHURCH BUSINESS NERVE CENTER from benighted Dallas to the somewhat less Pink city of Austin, Texas. The new business address is:
THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION, INC
PO BOX 204206
Austin, TX 78720-4206
DO YOUR PART FOR DECENCY! KEEP THIS SICK PORNO BANNER OFF OUR HOLY RELIGIOUS WEBSITE for only $200/month! Or rent your own ad space to replace it. Write to email@example.com for details.
Ideally, we'd have a porno banner next to a 700 Club banners next to a Greenpeace ad on top of an NRA ad, a vodka ad with a MADD link, etc.
Have we mentioned QUIJIBO, the greatest SubGenius zine? (Yes, an actual PRINTED zine, like in the old days!) Send $5 to 18 W. Main, Greenfield IN 46140. Model: Barbie Geddyn)
That's where to send MONEY.
Change your propaganda outreach materials accordingly! (No big hurry though.)
READ THE EXCITING DETAILS
I'm working on both of the SubGenius catalogs and some new swag, and the Stark Fists.
But everything was looking so New School. I felt the need for more Old School.
I got to scanning. Boy howdy did I do some scanning. A lot of these images have appeared in web or print but at crappy resolution, in black and white only, etc. Quite a few of these artworks and photos date back to the early 80s and there're even some from 1979, like the One True Grandpappy Original Dobbshead #1 (The Fucked-By-Everybody Twin as opposed to the Twin Philo has, which has never Duplicated.) There's a treasure trove of enlarged versions of Ur-Church work by the great Hellswami Satellite Weavers, aka Rev. John Hagen-Brenner.
I also unearthed a couple of CD-Rs from 1994 labeled "REVELATION X" in Paul Mavrides' handwriting. Whereas none of the data on them made sense to me in 1994, last week I sure had fun taking advantage of all the scanning he already did of some of the great drawn art we used in Revelation X, particularly some of Hal Robins' fine illustrations.
On the Revelation X CDR was a folder marked "NENSLO," which contained some incredible pieces done by that worthy under the false name "KDV" in the early 90s, using Superpaint or some such primitive pixeel-by-pixel black and white drawing program.
Anyway, these all-time greats are up on alt.binaries.slack, to remind us of the First Twenty Years of Sacred Art of The Church of the SubGenius and The Church of the SubGenius Artists.
Depending on your ISP and newsgroup feed, posts might remain on the binaries newsgroup for as short as 3 days to as long as a month.
If you're new to the Church, OR, if you've simply never DARED TRY IT BEFORE, some of the craziest and most SLACK-IMPARTING SubGenius activity occurs nonstop on the two newsgroups, alt.slack (all text) and alt.binaries.slack (pics, audio, animation). Many new Internet users know only email and websites, and have shunned the unfettered world of newsgroups on Usenet mainly because they look like crap on browsers like Explorer, and sometimes you can't view all the killer pictures and movies without downloading a special free program. Actually, at download.com it's easy to find one of the fine free newsreader programs for PCs such as Forte Agent, or for Macs such as Thoth. I am not here to be your Internet instruction book, but, I'm telling you, the newsgroups are where it's happening. Some folks say they "can't get" alt.binaries.slack, but if you ask your ISP's support person, it can easily be added. Or do like us Old Timers, and use a cheap ($6/mo) newsgroup specialty service like Giganews or Newsguy. I'm not trying to sell you on any specific services, but I do strongly believe that while the World Wide Web is swiftly being licensed and controlled, the world of Usenet newsgroups is still a fairly unregulated free-for-all, slippery and Slack-laden.
Alt.slack has been particularly exciting lately, as a record number of non-SubGenius kooks have been desperately trying to convert or at least deprogram us. They are frequently funnier than we are, without meaning to be. OLD alt.slack stuff is archived in the online Stark Fists, but it's a lot more fun to follow current running gags and battles.
Mini- Minutes of Slack -- whole series downloadable on alt.binaries.slack
When I was a little bitty baby, in 1985 (as seen in above photo), some radio guy told me he thought he could sell little one-minute rant recordings to syndication if I made them. I did so, but they ended up just being sprinkled throughout Hours of Slack for 17 years. For recent versions, I've been "sweetening" the old tapes digitally, show by show, and after 20 weeks got through all 20. Yesterday, I tacked quickie "subgenius.com" tags on the ends of them, converted them all to MP3, and dumped them on alt.binaries.slack in small E-Z-2-Mail chunks of 1.1 mb each. Spread 'em around... used on your tomato plants they will produce luscious juicy red giants like Grandma used to grow. Fermented in a pit, they become methane and can be used to generate electrical power. There is no end to the number of handy uses around the house to which you can put your FREE Minutes of Slack.
Believe it or not, I, Stang, AM slackworking on this website, the Online Stark Fist, and the printed Stark Fist. (And getting weekly Hours of Slack produced, much thanks to the other contributors.) Unfortunately, I could slackwork 29 hours a day and that still wouldn't pay MAILING COSTS or BANDWIDTH, so I've accepted more filthy but slightly lucrative advertising. "Bob" won't mind our pimping somebody else's whorehouse. if it pays...
There just aren't enough tentacles to go around, though, darn snuff it, and not enough time in a day, no matter how many "real jobs" I avoid. The selflessish sexmonks Rev. Two Beans, Rev. Phloighd and Rev. Temujin have helped prep about 3 books' worth of alt.slack hate n' hilarity, for which I am currently prepping the ILLUSTRATIONS, while also getting a new Art Mines Dump, uh, MOVING. Now that the summer of devivals is over. Oh yeah... those devival pics and reports. Those too.
This is a fun job, but there aren't enough fellow slaves to enjoy it with. I'm stuck with a bit TOO MUCH FUN. No such thing? WE SHALL ATTEMPT TO FIND OUT! Our High Epopt said "Too Much Is Always Better Than Not Enough." But he also added, "...But It's Almost As Bad," a lesser-known homily from our Longest and Sorest ShorDurPerSav.
When the STARK FIST related stuff is done, I'll try to do some revisions to ARISE and get it and DOBBSFILM SHORTIES onto DVD. We were just donated a DVD BURNER, ALL PRAISE BE TO THE GRIPTION CLENCH of NORTH CAROLINA!!
NEW VIDEO FINISHED!! CLICK HERE to see about buying DOBBSFILM SHORTIES! (in VHS) or:
FREE! If you have ANY kind of video player in your computer, CLICK HERE for the recently revised, but swiftly changing, SUBGENIUS STEAMIN', STREAMIN' VIDEO DINGLEBERRIES #7 -- now ALIVE, and recently revised so the links are easier to understand, thanks to Rev. Prostata Contata's generous serverosity.
You'll find several sections, each representing different movie file formats. If something doesn't work, try the next one. Whether they "stream" and play instantly, or just download for play later, will depend on your equipment. Mac users should try the MOV (Quicktime) ones first, Windows users who can't play Quicktime should go to the AVIs or the MPEGs There's also a new stash of some ancient Stangian underground movies such as the porno claymation film "Reproduction Cycle".
THE SAUCERS were LATE AGAIN! -- either that, or The Conspiracy has been monkeying with the calendars for centuries. So our seventh Brushwood adventure turned out to be just another Drill... but, drilling for the End of the World is a lot more fun than no End of the World at all. In fact, it's so damn much fun, and some of us have gotten so good at building our own Escape Vessels, that the Drills ALONE are ALMOST GOOD ENOUGH. If only we could just get the DRILLS THEMSELVES to last FOREVER, hell, we wouldn't even NEED the gods, aliens and monsters! BUT, WE'D STILL NEED "BOB." You're either on the saucers or you're off the saucers... but you ain't goin' NOWHERE without that man J.R. "Bob" Dobbs!!
X-Day is a GREAT Day -- a great EX-cuse Day! FOR DAMN NEAR ANYTHING.
Although the zombies and I are still finishing up the new Online Stark Fist, the big X-Day last-minute oozsquirt of activity resulted in several HOLY NEW PRODUCTS which ARE FINALLY NOW AVAILABLE from CONNIVIN' IVAN'S MEDIA SHACK!! These new CDs, CDRs and videos SOLD OUT at XDV, but we're back in stock and preppy to pack your pews with the Power of Dobbs. Our VIDEOS on CD-R! Songs of X-Day! Bobsongs 4! The 4X-Day CD and the 6-hour MP3 set!! HOURS OF SLACK on MP3 Volumes 5 and 6! !
I ACTUALLY ADDED A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW LINKS TO OUR LONG LOST WEB LINKS PAGE!! And I suspect we could use a new volunteer to handle that potentially VOLATILE and EXCITING page. At any rate, the new links should keep the lazy SubGenius VERY BUSY for awhile.
By chance, the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper picked X-Day-E'en to run a story about our own Prof. Chas Smith, maestro of Einstein's Secret Orchestra and ESO Radio, which mentions the Brushwood X-day cult-in in odd terms. Here's the article in the Plain Dealer.
Also sorta new: PICTURES, OPINIONS re: March 15 CLEVELAND, OHIO Devival and ESO concert at Beachland Ballroom
NEW PRODUCTS, old NEWS AND UPCOMING SHOWS!
CHURCH NEEDS RICH INVESTORS!
For real. We have a secret business plan. A REAL one. If you are dead serious about investing in our new Church spin-off, and/or know of unusually daring venture capitalists, EMAIL JESUS. Talk about "getting in on the ground floor of a lucrative new cult"...
For most current, up to the nanosecond Church news, don't forget the newsgroups alt.slack and alt.binaries.slack. HINT: If your local ISP doesn't carry alt.binaries.slack among its newsgroups, write to "support" @ your ISP and request it. (In AOL, use "expert add").
Better Sex for Mutants: Alternate SubGenius Message Board!
Dec.22, 2001: GIANT OLD STARK FIST OF REMOVAL!
YOUR BEST HOLIDAY PRESENT-- TONS of new articles, rants, reviews, doctrine, revelations, and ART AND VIDEO GALORE!! MONTHS in the making. Includes your MERRY XISTMAS pages and CHEESY FREE GIFTS!
Dec.5, 2001: OUR MAIL ORDER DIVISION IS TRANSFORMED!
See the different set-up of our SCATALOG, just in time for Xmas. New products include Hours of Slack on MP3s, a new book by Rev. John Shirley, Pee Dog Comics, CDs by Einstein's Secret Orchestra, indestructible Full Metal Dobbsheads, the return of bumper stickers, and more. Basically, we're farming out the Level One Salvation Necessities like Ordainment Packages, the main books and video, best selling T-shirts and etc. to a much slicker, established company, so that those are now always rush-delivered immediately. The Level Two Accessory Packs like our zillions of CDs and videos -- and special items for the, eh, COLLECTORS, shall we say -- are now ordered and shipped through my new duplication and processing facility, Connivin' Ivan's Media Shack. (The full name is actually "Muff Divin', Connivin' Ivan's Multi Media Slack Shack," but that makes for too big a GIF file.)
There was a serious illness in the Stang family, and I had to drop everything and return to the secluded family ranch in Texas for a couple of weeks. However, we are striving to upchuck even more infusions of art and text, from the SubGenius newsgroups and beyond. There's certainly plenty of brain breaking Slackfodder piled up. Some of the new material includes short video clips, which I have been posting as MPEG, RealVideo and Quicktime files to alt.binaries.slack. I'm relearning video editing, 2001-style, and trying to make headway on some new books and also on some zine and book reprints. And on the revision of this out of control website. And wait'll you hear the THREE Sick-Xmas Hours of Slack. I might could crank out some past-devival rant remixes too if no horrible WAR SHIT happens HERE. Funny how everything SEEMS to return to normal, but doesn't really quite.
DOWNLOAD a SCARY HALLOWEEN "BOB" PICTURE! PLUS: SCARY HALLOWEEN UNCLE SAM PICTURE! PLUS: "HAPPY PUNKIN-WEEN" and Rev. SUSIE THE FLOOZY'S TRICK OR TEAT
IMMEDIATE NEWS! GREAT INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY! HURRY!
NEW (Oct 10): alt.slack on the WAR, Part 3
We've enjoyed an unusually positive response to the initial reprints of the alt.slack newsgroup beehive of concerned SubGenii. It seems that the SubGeniuses are SO CONTRARY that, en masse, they provide a shockingly BALANCED and ironically SANE view of The Troubles, a Slack-enhanced point of view that is lacking in the "real" news or talk shows. Somehow they manage to be FUNNY AS HELL without plunging into, eh, shall we say, "taste that isn't bad ENOUGH." As usual, we would not recommend this to the faint hearted or the hate farters, but patriots of all kinds (from hawks to peace-niks) will be relieved to find that there IS sanity to be found -- among the "crazy" people. Also includes links to legitimate alternative news sources.
ALSO: OLDER (Oct 10) WAR ART OF THE WARTS OF ALT.BINARIES.SLACK -- WAIT'LL YOU SEE "THE UNCLE SAM THREAD," PART 2!!
alt.slack on the Attack 2
alt.slack on the Attack 1
NEW YORK CITY SUBGENII: PLEASE EMAIL HERE, STANG@SUBGENIUS.COM, AND LET US KNOW YOU'RE OKAY! And if you can, post to alt.slack or your favorite SubG Egroup or mail-list, too. Many of your fellow Yeti are concerned about your safety.
Here is the list so far of SubGenii we have heard from: Rev. Bleepo Abernathy. Rev. G. Don Trubey. Rev. L. Gaspar. The Bishop. Rev. Sinphaltimus sEXmortis. Rev. WanDarer @ Earthstation 1. Pope David N. Meyer (wasn't in NYC). My ex sister in law. Rev. "Johnny the Hack" Hutton. Stiiv Ryan. Pope Irwin Chusid. Cary Robyn. Rev. DK Jones & Mrs. Jones. Rev. Jason Dubin. SIFU. Sister Krys Olsiewicz and St. R. Stevie Moore. Seamus TPF. Grandpa Dynamite. Pope Pirate St. Something and Dr. Hey, Lady!
We have started laughing again, once more cranking out the tasteless spew that liberates some sick minds from paralysis. (Wait'll you hear Hour of Slack #803 through 809 -- NOW PLAYING!!) We have prepared a section of sober and unsober takes on the Horror by the many active SubGenii -- link below -- but also a huge photo spread featuring "Bob" and the False OverMan among the colorfully decorated CRITICAL TITS of BURNING MAN. Terrorists will NOT take away our Slack; likewise, NO kind of fundamentalist shall part us from our TITTIES, nor even from our mere PHOTOS of titties.
MUCH LESS CRITICAL BAD NEWS: ALL SUBGENIUS PRODUCT ORDERS made from this website's online catalog from August 3 to August 27 were LOST due to the Code Red virus or something like it. Your credit card was NOT CHARGED, but neither did we get your order. The mail order biz email is working again at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions or complaints. ORDER AGAIN! We have beefed up security and are in fact majorly changing our entire mail order operation. Thanks for your patience.
Planet X or Bust! MP3
RADIO YETI FEATURES SUBG ARTEESTS
YETI MUSIC ON MP3.COM
NEW SUBGENIUS ALBUMS RELEASED!! Yet More Hours of Slack on Stereo MP3, BOBSONGS 3, A SQUID FOR CONNIE, and MEDIA BARRAGE 11! ORDER NOW!
UPDATED SUBGENIUS WEB LINKS PAGE!
Our tiny, bucky Nano-Onans are having a ball building experimental new "molecular machines" which will ultimately "learn" to replicate themselves --while spreading Dobbsheads and SubAds of varying sizes across various Earthian surfaces, so long as such surfaces exist! We call this PROJECT "ICE-NANO". We're pretty sure that there's nothing that could go wrong with it.
CHURCH NEEDS USED COMPUTER GEAR!
NEEDED: MORE CD-RW or DVD-RAM burners!! (Firewire or USB).
AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT UPGRADE MONEY TO COME OUT OF "BOB'S" POCKET, DO YOU??? Are you SO CHEAP that you would thus STEAL BRAZENLY from "BOB," by NOT mailing me your spare equipment and hundred dollar bills lying around, when you COULD?!? Who are you gonna give that crap to, your local charity, or your OWN kids, or YOURSELF?? Do you let THEM come before "BOB" in your life??
I didn't think so. I'll be expecting that delivery at STANG, PO Box 181417, Cleveland OH 44118 BY NEXT WEEK. Thanks. While you think about it, listen to this in RealAudio: I AM A SUBGENIUS (sung by Dr. Onan Canobite)... and DO THE RIGHT THING.
THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL 32 page printed zine has been FINISHED by guest editor St. Chris Li, of QUIJIBO fame, and will be printed and mailed to members the SECOND we have the necessary $2000. Which is why ALL SUBGENIUS FANATICS need to IMMEDIATELY LAY INTO "BOB" WITH ALL THEIR MIGHT, checkbook-wise, and BUY these BRAND NEW PRODUCTS THAT WE OURSELVES CAN MANUFACTURE IN THE CHURCH RUMPUS ROOM, AND DON'T HAVE TO PAY ANY CONSPIRACY PUBLISHERS, DISTRIBUTORS, MIDDLEMEN OR FACTORIES TO HELP CREATE:
Old News (AUGUST 23): EVERYTHING BROKE!
BUT IT IS BEING FIXED! Most NEARLY RECENT NEWS of DIRE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION PROBLEMS (8-15-01).
STANG UPDATE 8-21-01 -- DEVOtional 2001; Where to Find Us at BURNING MAN 2001
Yes, friends, we have had some SEVERE QUEER GEAR PROBS, and our email and order forms WERE all gobbed up, but we'll certainly have it all squared away by the time I, Stang return from missionary work at Burning Man. (Download our new SubGenius-BurningMan logos!)
NEW: NOW YOU CAN GET IN THE SUBGENIUS IRC-CHAT ROOMS WITH A COMMON BROWSER! No more tiresome loading of "new programs" for nongeeks and other weaklings, sissies.
R.I.P. Rev. David Boone
LATEST NEW PHOTOS FROM: DEVOtional 2001
New 4X-Day (GREAT pics, never before posted -- adults only)
OLDER BUT UNPOSTED NEWS REPORTS: Subject: A.C. and the SubGenius Foundation
Back from Starwood 2001
WORLD STILL "EXISTS"!
SOME OF 4X-DAY HAPPENED! Well, a little. Hell, let's face it -- "BOB" SCREWED UP AGAIN!! GIANT PHOTO AND TEXT REPORT! ADULTS ONLY
THE HOUR OF SLACK episodes #'s 794, 795 and 796 also feature edited highlights of these same recordings, mixed with ESO radio commentary and studio versions of the Saint N songs. (Plus other new SubGenius music , yakkery and rantage.) Those are or will soon be archived in both MP3 and RealAudio at the Hour of Slack page.
Thanxo-gigantico to Rev. Prostata Cantata for making this feat electro-physically possible!
PHOTO STASH MASSIVELY UPDATED! Hundreds of new pics. (Adults Only)
NEW: ONLINE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL!!
Includes TONS of VERY immediate news, major additions to the Articles and Rant Stashes, NEW SUBGENIUS PRODUCTS by OTHER SUBGENII, new collaborative PROJECTS in various fields, a new porno clench, and 4X-Day.
This semi-Fist NOW HAS the MOUNTAIN of ALT.SLACK SCAVENGINGS long promised.
ART MASTERPIECE: IN HONOR OF TIM McVEIGH from Dr. K'taden Legume ((NOW PISSING OFF NUMBSKULLS WORLDWIDE!!)
LAST XXX-DAY's SACRED MUSIC, RANT RECORDINGS -- NOW on ONE 5-HOUR CD-R in MP3 for only $14.95!
THE SUBGENIUS WEB LINKS PAGE has been completely revamped by mighty Rev. Boddhisattva Troutwaxer!
NOTE: We had planed to start a Dobbstown V or SubGenius Village at the incredible Burning Man festival this year, but we had to scale it down to a SubGenius Badfilm Drive-In Theater. Main encampment will be near Technomania -- look for Puzzling Evidence and his Ranger Car, Dr. Philo Drummond, Princess Wei or I, Stang. For info check out Burning Man, PO Box 884688, San Francisco CA 94188-4688 (415-TO-FLAME or www.burningman.com). Note -- this is not a devival, this is a week long adventure. BURNING MAN 2000 -- PICTURES
Speaking of LOW LOW PRICES -- SEE THE NEW MEDIA BARRAGE 12, BEST OF ESO CD, and HOURS OF SLACK on MP3 (CD-Rs) IN THE SCATALOG! We've SLASHED SubGenius CD prices to $14.95 and the new FULL METAL DOBBSHEAD is NOW AVAILABLE!
To JUST PLAIN FLAT OUT DONATE $$ TO THE CHURCH is really the smartest thing you can do at this point. Watch the news for 5 minutes if you doubt that.
UltraNunSnake Nickie Deathchick and St. Andreux have made it EASY -- CLICK HERE TO GET RIGHT WITH "BOB"
or http://magdalen.walkingdead.net/donate.htm (while you're at it, check Magdalen's webcam at http://magdalen.walkingdead.net/subcam and see if she's walking around the house nekkid!
(Webcams are the latest "thing" in SubGeniusDum; they're ALL visible all the time at St. andreux's http://www.jehovahatesphred.com/subgcam
Meanwhile, here is "BOB'S" WEBCAM!!
And my webcam!
Dear Friends, I, Stang, GOT MARRIED May 27, to the Queen of ALL the UFOs, Princess Wei "R." Doe.
I still can't believe it. I also can't believe the new SUBGENIUS HOUSE! We've finished "Building Our Own Amsterdam" in a better part of town. The Bombies, ZomBies, monkeys and me transported THE WHOLE DAMN CLEVELAND BRANCH OFFICE/ARCHIVE (and the living barracks, AND the pyramid, AND the tombs) into a NEW OLD CRUMBLING MANOR-HOUSE, renovating certain parts of it as we went along. This effort, and the wedding, and the housewarming party, have stalled out this website UNTIL NOW!
EUCLID TAVERN DEVIVAL REPORT 5-15 (includes NEW-NEW pics from Dr. Pissoff!!)
May 24 RANT on MOVING *DONE*(includes pics), QUIJIBEAT promo
INTER-MOVE stangian orthodox philosophy rant
Original COMPLETE CORPORATE CULT HQ MOVE REPORT, 4-27, with BIG X-DAY RANTS & CHURCH FUTURE PLANS
and ALL THE AMSTERDAM SUBGENIUS FIELD TRIP PHOTOS
Our old office.
I have managed to keep up with HOURS OF SLACK. Knowing that the shows REALLY DO get posted on the Internet weekly, and now sound EXCELLENT instead of LIKE CRAP, has inspired me and many other SubGenius Audio producers into FITS and SPASMS of creativity, or at least of ACTIVITY.... I can't vouch for how CREATIVE it is, that's for "Bob" to have an opinion about, not me. AND we managed to produce FOUR NEW/OLD SUBGENIUS ALBUMS on CD, plus 27 HOURS of Slack in MP3 on 2 CD-Rs since last month as well! (And I finally even updated all the Hour of Slack LOGS on SubSITE!)
Einstein's Secret Orchestra got the Cleveland Free Times Music Award for Best Instrumental/Electronic band! THANKS TO ALL THE SUBS AND ESO GROUPIES LIKE ME, WHO VOTED! Prof. Chas Smith's acceptance speech consisted of these words: "Praise "Bob"! Earth -- we must get off! Build your own ship!"
DOBBS ALLOWS JESUS TO RELEASE NEW CHURCH ICON
-- SCARIER THAN THE DOBBSHEAD ITSELF! SEE IT -- AND TAKE UP THIS NEW BANNER! LET THE WORLD BE COVERED IN THE NEW DOBBSHEAD ICON!
NEW CHURCH ICON -- ASCI text-only version!
Grown people and other pervs might want to investigate the lovely Mary Magdalen's SubGenius mutant porno site, AND...: "STANG'S BAD DAY": Rev. BODHISSATVA TROUTWAXER's latest horror story about "Bob" and what's been going on around here.
2. NEW MILLENIUM MEMBERSHIPS with the NEW IMPROVED MEMBERSHIP PACK!!
SAVE YOUR RELATIVES AGAINST THEIR WILLS!
Sure, YOU'RE saved, with a bunk and infinite bunkmates of your choice on the Sex Spaceships of Succor, but what of your hateful old Aunt Bertha in Dubuque? Wouldn't it make YOU happy to know that one day soon she would get in the mail something that to her would seem SO HEINOUS that she MIGHT keel over right then and there of a heart attack -- namely, a SUBGENIUS MEMBERSHIP PACK?
And -- WORSE -- did you know that, like the Mormons, our religion offers RETROACTIVE SALVATION? If you always regretted that good ol' Gramps, your ONLY decent relative, died before you got a chance to share the word of "Bob" with him, NOW YOU CAN MAKE ATONEMENT FOR HIS SIN! Buy Gramps a RETROACTIVE SubGenius Ministership and FistScription.
Hell, BUY YOURSELF A NEW MEMBERSHIP PACK! Have you seen their NEW FORM? For one thing, they now include UNQUESTIONABLY LEGAL MINISTERIAL ORDINATION MATERIALS above and beyond your ordainment as a SubGenius; you're also an ordained minister in the UNIVERSAL LIFE CHURCH, a much better established step-cousin on "Bob's" sister's side. Also, Memb-packs now come in their own specially made folder, with much spiffier versions of all the standard Important Church Documents, and some of it's EVEN IN COLOR!
3. Rise up in the ranks to near-Hierarchy heights by becoming an ACTIVE MEMBER -- and get the incredible SUBGENIUS MINISTER GOLD CARD! Choose the level at which you want a DONATION TO THE CHURCH REGULARLY TAKEN FROM YOUR CREDIT CARD ACCOUNT!
4. JUST PLAIN DONATE!!! GIVE "BOB" FREE MONEY -- FOR NOTHING!!! The "SOMETHING" that you'll get in return will be... immeasurable. That's http://www.jehovahatesphred.com/donation/index.cfm
5. BUY ALL OUR NEW CDS -- SPECIAL LIMITED TIME OFFER HOLIDAY PRICE DISCOUNT:
$14.95 each!! Cheaper than at Best BuY!
DEVO Day of Atonement 2000 pics
"BURNING MAN" HOUR OF SLACK episode (#742)! also:
BURNING MAN 2000 -- PICTURES
A HELL of a lot of pictures (including the new Stang portrait, upper right). Dr. Philo Drummond abused his OverMan powers on photography! -- photography of a place that already looks like a Jack T. Chick nightmare of X-Day in Dante's Inferno crossed with Road Warrior crashing into Hustler magazine on LSD, painted by Robert Williams! Dobbs, Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Howll, two Swinging Love Corpses, and the OverMan ALL WERE THERE amid the naked body painted art cars and flame-thrower armed art bitches, and we have gorgeous high resolution photos to prove it. There are also the usual zillion tiny StangCam frame-grabs, but Philo's pics of the freak show that is Burning Man are something to see. We're still working on text to go with this. And Hour of Slack #752 will be the audio report. BURNING MAN is REALLY SOMETHING, my dear SubGenius friends and prayer partners. Even though they let people like Philo and Puzzling Evidence be their "cops," the Burning Man Org managed to induce a HUGE zone of previously UNHEARD-OF levels of Radical Free Slack, for 33 THOUSAND people and SubGenii, for a WEEK! Do we need to change the name of our X-Day events to "NAKED WOMAN," and move it to a god forsaken desert, in order to compete for souls with this ulra-cool rival cult?
SAN FRANCISCO and LOS ANGELES SUBGENIUS/CIRCUS DEVIVAL TOUR Reports-Pictorials
Beliefnet SubGenius Group
Anti-SubGenius "Expose Bob" Web site updated
PHOTO SPREAD #2 (ADULTS ONLY):
BEST OF JULY DEVIVALS
Photos, Report on pagan fest STARWOOD 2000
We also have the PICTURES FROM the DEVIVAL last month at the Blind Lemon in Cleveland with ESO and Broken Circle Gospel Deluxe. Like all our devival pics, these won't be on SubSITE forever, so band members, attendees and stalkers should copy 'em now.
2 NEW COMIC BOOKS!
HOTEL "BOB" by nu-monet
"The Last SubGenius Generation" by Gov. Rocknar
Pics of the May devival at Cleveland's EUCLID TAVERN
XXX-DAY 2000 PHOTO REPORT and MASSIVE OUTPOURING of EXCUSES! WORLD FAILS TO END!! HUNDREDS OF SUBGENII REMOVE CLOTHING IN PROTEST. One injured.
ONLINE STARK FIST!!! (#4!) -- get all the OLD NEW NEWS there!
St. Paul Mavrides animates FEATURE FILM: GRASS the Movie -- show dates
It was immediately banned in Toronto!
Mystery Dobbs runs for Congress in Tallahassee
Robert Dobbs runs for U.S. Senate
BUTT-HOLE-FILLED EARTH PROVES SCIENTOLOGY IS STUPID
RADIO NEWS: Dynasoar's APOCALYPSO Radio
New "STATION!" Submit your audio oddities for airplay!
CAN YOU HELP THIS POOR LITTLE BOY? Fwd- little boy
Last Few Pictures added to the report on our Amsterdam Church Field Trip Report
ALL OFFERS END JULY 5!!
Did you miss our previous Online STARK FIST OF REMOVAL Vol. 2000-3? EVERYTHING IS THERE! THE CHURCH PAMPHLETS TRANSLATED INTO FRENCH, SPANISH, ITALIAN! THE AMSTERDAM DOKSTOK report all fleshed out -- Seattle 2000 too! IMMEDIATE critical news, FRESH flame wars, rants, and articles from alt.slack, first-time web reprints of classic Tales, a new Tips N Hints department, even some humor!
LATEST NEW SUBGENIUS ART THANG:
THE SUBGENIUS ART FORUM at RENDEROTICA.COM
Graphics fiends -- ADULT graphics fiends -- will love this whole site, and users of Poser for nefarious purposes will perchance fairly SWOON. (You'll have to "register"; then, look under FORUMS in Renderotica, for SubGenius Art Forum.)
Our WEBSITES OF THE GODS link-page has AGAIN been updated and beautifully revised by its NEW BOSS, Rev. Boddhisatva Troutwaxer. Send him your links NOW because eventually we're gonna have to start charging for them. In fact, if you want to INSURE that your SubGenius site is linked before the world ends, SEND US $5 and the exact wording you want! And DON'T COMPLAIN!! We've provided this gigantic website and everything on it completely for FREE for 5 years now, and now we NEED YOUR DOLLARLY SACRIFICE to keep it running!
EVEN OUR IRC CHAT PAGE has been updated!
SEE ALT.SLACK on USENET for the LATEST latest. And don't just LURK! Lurkers are GHOSTS.
Most of the written material in this website originates on the newsgroup alt.slack, and the artwork often appears first on alt.binaries.slack.
Incidentally -- don't be discouraged if alt.slack seems utterly chaotic to you at first. It IS utterly chaotic, and I have no idea how anybody finds time to read it all. But amidst all the trash is a lot of excellent writing and truly bizarre educational opportunities.
A newsgroup is a very different animal from a website. In the case of alt.slack, it's like a big "family," with all the attendant fights, brawls and inside jokes. As you lurk there you'll start to identify the "regulars," and sort out those whose posts you like to read and which ones you can generally skip over. While this website is ruled with iron hand and vaseline-filled velvet glove by yours truly, Rev. Ivan Stang, alt.slack is governed only at the whim of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs himself -- which is about as anarchic as you can get.
HUMAN END-OF-WORLD PREDICTIONS FAIL!! See our Suppressed Year 2000 Report -- WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
We've hard more experience with the world ending than ANYBODY, so just before Y2K we offered a special Y2K pep talk for the faithful.
In September '99, I, Stang MOVED TO CLEVELAND. The Church HQ is still in Texas, and so is Jesus, but I'm running my end by remote control here at the spaceport. You can READ ALL ABOUT IT and my NEW ADDRESS and even take a visual tour of the new Palace... for that matter, you can read every damn thing I've posted to alt.slack about anything, up until this very instant.
MY NEW EMAIL IS STANG@SUBGENIUS.COM. Discount all other email links to me that you might see in this website, until I fix 'em. (Discard "email@example.com" and "firstname.lastname@example.org"). The new FAX number for ME AND Church HQ is 216-320-9528.
This does not affect Church biz at all. Jesus is still running the business biz at The SubGenius Foundation, PO Box 204206, Austin TX 78720.
BOBCO SYMBOL FONT SET FROM ATOM FUNWAY! HUNDREDS of pictos, hieroglyphs, Dobbsheads, as seen all over our site n' shite!
Download MACINTOSH version now !!!! !!! !!!! Download WINDOWS version now!
See here for the 3 other BobCo font sets! ALL WILDLY DIFFERENT!
INSANE REAL AUDIO NEWS FLASH!! REV. SUSIE THE FLOOZY and LYMPH NODE INSTITUTE's "BOB's" SLACKTIME FUNHOUSE (and Hour of Slack) are now on RealAudio at WREK's SITE! HAIL CONNIE! Saturdays at MIDNIGHT! GO GO GO!
Puzzling Evidence Show Now Live via RealAudio ! FINALLY! Famous SubGenius Dr. Howll on the INTERNET, LIVE! (At 4 am on Thursdays... see details.)
Hour of Slack also sounds GREAT on AudioActive (works with RealPlayer on Macs) from radio station WCSB's website, on Sunday nights, 9 PM, EST!
And!! MOST ACCESSIBLE OF ALL -- at 11 p.m. EST on Thursday nights, tune in to EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA Swamp Radio -- the FINEST in Radio-Church MADNESS and MUSIC, with Hour of Slack co-conspirators Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Rev. Bleepo Abernathy, Rev. Ivan Stang, Princess Wei R. Doe, IrRev. Friday Jones, CANTOR CHAS SMITH -- and YOU!! (Call in live!)!
MAIN SubGenius IRC Channel: #subgenius on irc.fef.net
THIS "UPDATES" PAGE has been being updated for several years now, and the previous layers of it form an almost geological history of SubSITE (though not the Church itself, which has been public since 1980). The older Updates pages also form a loose "secondary index" of this gigantic website and an excellent pointer to the real highlights.